Monday, December 29, 2008
My revelation happened as I held back tears, fought off a hot flash from nerves, and asked my dr why it's bad to sleep on my back and just what specific degree angle I must stack my pillows to achieve a safe sleep angle. He assured me that as long as I feel comfortable, I will not be cutting off the supply of oxygen to my baby's forming brain and vital organs. Nor will I be flattening my uterus and suffocating my baby. Turns out God and Mother Nature built the human body with reflexes that will signal to my brain should I ever be in a position that should I dare stay in it for an extended period of time might in rare instances harm my baby. These reflexes are discomfort, nausea, feeling hot, and the need to move around. I think I will trust our Creator and no longer believe "helpful" warnings from friends, strangers, and Dr Google.
Moral of the story, pregnancy liars need to back up off it. What are you going to say to me if my child is less than perfect? You seriously going to tell a mother whose child is not the picture of perfect health and development "I told you so"? What environmental factors (besides heroin, crack, snorting paint, etc) are you going to pinpoint as the cause of whatever could possibly be THE cause of whatever could go wrong? I don't think I can really believe that eating a cold turkey sandwich once every one or two weeks, getting highlights once during pregnancy, or sleeping at a 180 degree angle is going to be THE thing that screws up nature's plan. There's a degree of risk in everything we do and don't do. My dr says that I can't live in a bubble. It would be impossible to do everything perfectly, and as one of the biggest perfectionists out there, it's hard enough to be pregnant without constantly judging myself.
I do take being pregnant seriously and have changed my lifestyle to be healthier. I'm not perfect, but overall I'm having fun being pregnant. So MY helpful advice is to be encouraging of pregnant women and not pass along your horrific pregnancy rumors that can literally scare a pregnant woman into lack of sleep, lack of food, and lack of sanity. For reals, the horomones do a good enough job of making us crazy. Let the prego in your life enjoy this time and focus on 40 weeks of high hopes and happiness and excitement.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Christmas was so awesome this year. Since Nick & I have been married we have had the most fun Christmases ever. We start the day at his parents' house (eat & open presents), head over to my parents' house (eat & open presents), and come back home (eat & open presents). It's the best day ev-er, especially when you factor in our baby excitement that doubled with it being a holiday. There's no room for anxiety, fear, or complaints on feeling like a fat awkward pregnant cow. Not yesterday. Yesterday I fell even more head over heels for Nick.
He had wrapped up baby gifts for me to open at each house. First he bought Cade a little Aggie warm-up suit, size 2T. It's so awesome, he's going to be the most pimp little Aggie fan! Here I was expecting to see the dreaded camoflauge Husker onesie, and I get the cutest Aggie outfit! He got him a baseball mitt, ball, Aggie onesie, Aggie newborn knit cap, 2 bibs and Aggie football. Our kid is so going to be brainwashed, it's starting in utero! I got Cade a baby memory book (I can't WAIT to start filling it out!), crib bedding, a litttle newborn cap with little lambies on it, and the cutest little star baby pj's with footies. Yeah.... he's a spoiled brat and he's only a 26 week old fetus! What are we?!!
Anyways, to see Nick open the baby presents and to just keep hugging and kissing each other and being so excited for next Christmas was so special. This kid is so loved already! When he's mad at me when he's older, he needs to read this and realize how we loved him even before day 1. Nick is at his parents' house right now showing off the star pj's he liked them so much. (I never thought I'd see my man be so sweet!) Imagine when Cade takes his first steps or says his first word how excited we'll be. Life is totally changing for us and I'm so excited that I get to relive childhood with our boy. I'm off to think about other things (until I get a kick:) Gush fest has to end sometime... even I have my limits.
Friday, December 19, 2008
So with all this deep sleeping I thought life was GREAT. That was until 1:45am when I awoke with a nagging pain that rapidly turned into the charley horse from hell. I imagine the pain I felt was akin to getting stabbed in the calf with a butcher knife. I know, childbirth will be worse. Thanks. But I plan on getting an epidural for that. No class, now's not the time to tell me that epidurals don't always work.
I try not to be a total wimp with my pain, but when the knife stabbing sensation was joined by the fire and paralyzing sensations I decided to start moaning "ow, ow, ow, OW OUCH!". Nick wakes up in a panic, throws on the light and shouts "Is the baby coming?!" I'm panting and holding my right leg straight in the air practically touching my nose like an f'ing Rockette and I manage to scream "calf!" Somebody must have been having one hell of a dream because he was like, "Baby cow?? Oh, CALF!" And massaged the hell out of my leg and flexed my foot for me until I was saved from the devil's grasp.
I've never loved someone so much in my life. Also never wondered how strange his reactions were, but thankful nonetheless for the speed in which he progressed from utter panic to confusion to massage master.
I'm assured this won't be the last of the charley horse during the pregnancy. On another note I've learned from Dr. Google that at 25 weeks the baby is growing hair and could you be in my uterus you could tell what color it is. Pretty sweet, huh? Anyone know Mrs. Frizzle and want to check that out for me? (btw, thanks to the teacher friends who get the reference)
The charley horse wins top spot as #1 evil of pregnancy. #2 evil would be surviving elementary school "winter" parties knowing that you won't be rewarded with an ice cold beer or shots of whatev at the annual end of semester happy hour. Instead you gotta cozy up to an ice cold glass of Carnation Instant Breakfast.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I always said I didn't want to know the kind of crazy being pregnant would make me. The first 22 weeks of being pregnant, however, I was AMAZED at how cool I was. Seriously! You are the only person who can truly know the depths of your own psychosis, right? Well, I was pretty damn impressed with myself at how laid back, sweet, glowy, maternal I was feeling. (some of you are laughing... but in my memory I'll just let that description remain)
Anyways, last week it's like I woke up crashing into a brick wall. One day, cool. Next day, basketcase. My emotions are so all over the place I can't even define them accurately, they change so quickly! Yesterday I was spirited, loving, frustrated, angry, depressed, mellow, panicked, pouty, remniscent, horny, whiny, and finally (as it most days) exhausted. What is that? Who should have to live a day like that?
Things that currently trigger crazy:
- The Ferrero Rocher commercial. An otherwise tolerable holiday commercial until they cut the Christmas carol short, as in mid-verse. This triggers angry Hilary.
- Interruptions at work that require me to immediately switch my focus. Getting deep in thought and "in the zone" is something I LOVE. I LOVE feeling super-focused. Thanks for interrupting my productivity, beatch. Now you have to deal with bitchy, whiny Hilary.
- Driving to work. For whatev reason when I get about halfway to school I think of Nick and how much I love him and need to tell him RIGHT NOW just how much I can't live without him and how grateful I am for his love. I'm sure he thought this was sweet and cute the first time he got a 6:50am phone call, but I think he's prob over it now. Especially when this moment hits and there's a song on the radio that makes me more emotional, aka, teary and choked up -- wow. kinda crazyyy!
So Nick can tell that it's not me, it's just the pregnancy, and God bless him for that. He describes it best by saying that Cade is sitting on a horomone. I imagine myself sitting in the middle of the ocean on a surfboard, subject to whatever emotions the tide brings in today. I have to just ride out each wave and hope to catch a better horomone on the next wave.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
1. Yes, I'm pregnant. No, I don't think I'm literally getting bigger EACH day. I'm running out of sweet pregnant lady comments when someone says "Aw, you're bigger!" Just saying thanks seems a little, uh vain. Like "thanks, me cook good baby". The other 27 years of my life getting bigger has not been a compliment or situation people commented on, so I'm un-equipped to respond to this.
2. Sometimes at work I want to walk the hall and rub my belly and talk to Cade. Is that strange? I know there's video cameras, but I still feel compelled. I will be mortified if someone ever catches me doing this.
3. My chiropractor taught me an accupressure point to sleep better. Now if only my husband would get home so I can have him press 1 inch from the web between my big toe and second toe. Hopefully this works better than Tylenol PM (rip off), and is less habit forming than NyQuil (if NyQuil was a sexy man, I'd be having an affair).
4. Corn dogs. Dangerous or no, I love you. Your honey batter. The fact that you come on a stick and I can repeatedly dunk you in ketchup. Mmmm.
5. Raw cookie dough and batter. It's NOT FAIR that one has to be pregnant and avoid these due to raw eggs. NOT FAIR. I still have one lick because I have absolutely no resistance or self control whatsoever. Never ever touched or wanted to try drugs/marijuana/X/Heroin/crack/meth, but have no restraint when it comes to the temptation of cookie dough.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I've been really wanting Nick to feel Cade kick for awhile now. When he's tried it's like just at that moment that the baby has settled into a comfy spot and doesn't need to move around. With all my cleaning around the house tonight, I finally just showered and laid down on the couch with Nick. I gave Cade a silent lecture and said a little prayer that tonight would be Nick's night to feel him move. We were watching a movie (Hancock-- I'll recommend it), so I put his hand on my belly and told him "Wait for it"... he got his feelings hurt when there were no kicks in like 20 seconds. But something made him put his hand back on my belly and he felt 3 kicks in a row. We both could feel them.
He was so excited, and yes, quasi-grossed out I think (even though we know the gender, we still get freaked out by the alien child living in me). But after the second and third kicks he was in love. I managed not to cry and ruin the movie, but for a moment we just held each other as tight as we could, and it just felt perfect. Just the three of us.
Monday, November 24, 2008
And now, for my lullaby request. I am taking suggestions of lullabies that I will compile into a mix CD for Cade. And yes, this will be on a playlist so I can practice singing to myself via ipod. This most genius idea struck me today as I had my sixth snack of the day watching Ellen. Bette Midler, one of those idols I sometimes forget to worship, was on today. She had a pink bling ukelele and sang Glory of Love. What a great song! I so imagine I could rock a ukelele.
So your mission is to send me (via comment to this blog) your recommendations for my lullaby mix tape for my Cade. These can be songs your parents sang to you, songs you sing to your child, or songs that you think would make me look cool in the eyes of my newborn.
Anyways, the lyrics of that Bette song are so sweet, I've posted them below for your singing pleasure. (And as I type I sing, and as I sing my dog stands on my shoulder....)
You've got to give a little, take a little,
And let your poor heart break a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.
You've got to laugh a little, cry a little,
Until the clouds roll by a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.
As long as there's the two of us,
We've got the world and all its charms.
And when the world is through with us,
We've got each other's arms.
You've got to win a little, lose a little,
Yes, and always have the blues a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Nick asked me tonight what it feels like to be pregnant. My stomach feels stretched sometimes, some days it gets hard as a rock and that's usually when people start to say I look like I've gotten bigger. Even when I was first pregnant, it felt like I just had gas. Now it feels a little alien-ish, with movements and stretching feeling. If I lay down on my bed and look at my stomach I can see it pulsing sometimes. It's crazy looking!
These kicks are wild, but they're fun.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
And every sweet little card with a little sweet black and white photo of a child got me going. I could have spend $300 on cards today, that's how many touched my heart to the core. Oh, include all the cute Baby's First Christmas ornaments I saw... There's the sweetest one, I think it was Piglet and Pooh with a tiny unopened gift in the snow. The message was totally precious, like "the best things come in small packages". Everything was presh (that would be Hil-speak for precious, or should I spell that "prec'"?)
I just have to cry when I think about how awesome next Christmas will be with my little baby. I literally tear up when I see the candy cane striped onesies OR the adorable reindeer fleece snowsuit. As if we need that in 70 degree Dallas Christmas weather. Oh, and when I think about baby's Christmas pictures... so many options, and I'm going to have to make the child do them all. Get tangled in a web of Christmas lights? Yes. Be stuffed into a red stocking? Yes. Wear the same little Santa suit I wore when I was a baby? Abso-f'in-lutely! Wear a reindeer snowsuit posing in a forest? Why not? You can't go wrong. Oh, and the kid MUST go see the Northpark mall Santa. He's the best. In fact, I'm certain I can dig up the pic Alex and I have with him. In our little candy cane 80's turtlenecks to boot. Niiiice.
Allright kids, tomorrow I'll post the baby's gender. Gotta tell my girls at school before throwing that out into cyberspace. :) Stay tuned!
Monday, November 17, 2008
I left school and drove straight to Presby to meet Nick and our moms. Of course, Nick had on a blue shirt and I had on my pink shoes. I had made up a game in my head as I got in my car. The last child I see before I go into the exam room will be the gender of our child. At the bottom of the elevator bank we ran into a couple who had 5 little boys. The boy who got into the elevator with us was a wild man. When we got off the elevator I was like, well that's it. It's a boy. We turn the corner and as we walk down the hall to the dr office we see a little girl standing by herself. hmm, a girl! Of course, we get to go right into the exam room and have to wait five minutes or so for the sonographer to come in. We decided to have our moms wait in the waiting room so we could find out the sex first and then call them in.
The doctor had told us that she would do the whole sonogram first and then show us the gender at the end. So we would pay attention to the vital organs and development first, and not be too excited to focus. As soon as she put the machine on my belly we saw this image of the baby, and I saw it's a boy. Wow, that's it, it's my child, my baby boy!!! I was amazed and I felt smart. Yes, it was pretty clear it was a penis as the sonogram was projected on a 72" plasma tv! But still, I felt smart. So the doctor says "Oh, I could tell you the gender right now", and I just said "It's a boy!" She said yes, Virginia, there is a penis.
Nick was so excited, we just grabbed each other hands and squeezed and couldn't let go. We both were just smiling like idiots and tilting our heads at the tv screen as she moved the ultrasound around my belly. It was amazing. Our moms came in and we were a mix of emotions. Tears, smiles, laughs. Then she let us hear the heartbeat as we watched our son on the tv. It was such a phenomenal feeling to see him and know it's our boy and hear her calling out measurements with confidence and reassurance that everything was developing normally.
She did think maybe we could bump up the due date because he's a big boy. 83rd percentile in weight, baby! Mom then let the room know that I was a whopping 9 lb 3 oz, and the doctor said "Nevermind, April 1st should be right on then". As soon as I found out it's a boy I knew the April 1st date had to stick. After all those old wives tales told us it was a girl, so the fact that we're having a boy, I know this is our kid. Of course he'd be pranking us in utero. Karma!!
As soon as I can scan in the pics, I'll post them. I'm in love already. Waking up in the middle of night hasn't been so bad now that I can go look at the baby pictures. I already see some of Nick's features in those black and white pictures. Mom says my head was just that big round shape when she had the ultrasound of me. He's beautiful already, I can't wait to meet him!
So world, get ready to welcome Cade Andrew Lamb coming April 2009!
Friday, November 14, 2008
I mean, Jesus, I'm no Thanksgiving turkey. Do they make something special to prevent this? Is there at least a handy little cover that, um, smoothes it down? Like belly button Spanx? I'm seriously going to feel like such a freak. Some things are just wrong. SO glad I don't have a belly piercing.
AND this convo is making me miss my old stomach. I'm too vain to have a child, no? Gonna go lather up the Mustella.
OH, and to the jerk who thought it was appropriate to stand within my 5 inch personal space radius whilst in the line at Subway, I hate you. So does my banana baby (it's that long this week, hence the name). For real though, back up off it! You're sandwiching me in between your fat belly in your cheap suit and bad Trump hair, and the lady in front of me who conveniently is paying for 4 subs with separate checks. I know my girls are considerably big and perky these days, but gander down south about 4 inches and you'll notice I'm carrying the miracle of life. I'm certain the Virgin Mary didn't get ogled and nearly groped by your fat fingers as you gestured across me to the tomatoes you wanted. As if the Subway people were confused about WHICH tomatoes your meatball sub needed. Punk.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
So my first baby dream before I was pregnant convinced me I should never have a baby. I had a kid for 2 weeks and then I realized I had never ever changed its diaper or given it a bath. How do you forget that? I was so disturbed.
Anyways, my first baby dream after I found out I was pregnant I was at Thunderbird Roller Rink. I was so excited because I was having a baby. Then they called my name over at the skate counter and Baby Chloe was ready. I rolled over there and picked her up and she was beautiful! I was so excited! And when I woke up I wondered if it meant I was having a girl. Some people have smart ESP dreams, but I don't know if that works what with all the crazy horomones and all. Hell, I sobbed at the CMA's last night!
So my next baby dream after that was that I had a miscarriage and I reached into the toilet (gross, I know) and pulled out my little bloody baby. It was actually the little plastic baby that they put in King's Cake (the nasty Mardi Gras tradition, whoever finds the baby "wins" and has a good year). I thought "Oh cool, NOT a miscarriage, we're good". Again, WTF with the dreams? You think I'm just having crazy dreams because I'm preg? Try again my friend. I'm the girl who totally related to the psychotic dreams in the Cell. I'm like "how the hell did they know I've dreamed that?" Anywaysss....
Since then no more baby dreams. As for sexy dreams, I meet so many sexy guys in my dream. And (early on in marriage) I used to be all Anti-Dream-Cheating. Now that I'm 2.5 years in, I'm kinda like "what the hell" about it. But I don't allow anything past 2nd base in my dreams. I'm such a dream prude. Like, "No thanks man, I'm pregnant" and "What would the fetus think?"
Who turns down dream sex??!!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Here's my prego menu:
1. Stouffer's chicken pot pie
2. homemade tacos with black olives
3. hamburgers (I've had 4 this week)
6. Carnation Instant Breakfast (chocolate all the way!)
7. french fries
I'm nowhere near as obnoxious as I thought I would be... Nick hasn't had to do any late night food runs, I haven't had to unleash the Exorcist head spinning to score some Cheetos. Overall, on a psycho-scale of 1-10, 10 being the height of crazy, I'd rate myself around a 2. Crazy crying horomones, suprisingly, not so much.
All this food talk makes me hungry for some #6 with frozen yogurt. Gotta go take care of that, the kid's hongry!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I always just did the standard "Ooh Ahh" when I saw a sonogram pic. Really I could unplug my tv cable and see the same thing, it's just black and white fuzz to me. Things change when you've got this life inside you, and your emotions are all over the place. Sometimes I feel so connected to this little life, and other times I'm certain I'm just a part of a big science experiment, growing this little alien child. I've totally reached the point where I'm just so excited to meet this little baby person (and I refuse to call the baby "it", so I'm stuck with words like "little baby person"). I have nine days until we find out if we're having a boy or a girl... the suspense is killing me!
I have reserves of love just waiting to ooze out all over as soon as I can imagine my child more specifically. Also, I'm a planner.
I need to know the gender to determine some very important things:
a. nursery decor (duh)
b. pick a name!!
c. should I imagine her first shiny black tap shoes or his muddy black cleats?
These are the things I'm honestly thinking about, I've gotta know NOW! I've been on so many pregnancy websites taking online tests to determine if we've got a boy or a girl... Lots of the tests say girl, but now people look at my belly and say "Boy". Who to believe? I'm just so excited, it's like seeing all your presents under the tree and waiting for a year before you get to open them. I can't wait!!!
Oh, and to those of you who ask "Do you just have a feeling you know what it is? What do you think you're having?" I don't know, my gut feeling changes from day to day! I hate being wrong... I wish I could keep up the front that I am THAT connected on a deeper level to my child that I know what it is before the dr tells me. I'm not that cool.
We ate dinner at Cheddar's last night, and as I was in the bathroom I asked fate to give me a clue to the gender. I said to myself, Okay- if this song says the word "love" then it's a girl. All of the sudden, I notice the blue paint on the walls and the song mentions being blue, IT'S A BOY! Then the song proceeds to say "I love, love you"... IT's A GIRL?? I get these mixed messages all the time. Nothing to go on, right? Here I am, in the place where I met my husband, the father of my child, and no dice.
So, the wait continues. 9 days...
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
So, being the good Capricorn I am, I decided to start practicing in the shower. I kept starting lullabies and stopping after like 2 verses b/c I can't remember the words. I can even hum some tunes, but then I realize I have no clue what the first word even is. For example, "hush little baby don't you cry, mama's gonna... sing you a... lullaby?.....um"
I can recite nursery rhymes all day long, but this lullaby business has me stumped.
I decide that I don't really need to know traditional lullabies, maybe some cool classic songs would work. And I came up with two. Two songs that I know ALL the words to. And these 2 songs are: The Star Spangled Banner and Ice, Ice, Baby. I tried putting Vanilla's lyrics to a sweeter tune, but then I realize "wax a chump like a candle, dance" just can't be removed from the original beats. Gotta respect the artist, you know? And,I want a patriotic kid as much as the next Joe, but talking about bombs (aka "rockets red glare") isn't entirely appropriate for someone whose age is measured in months, not even years yet.
Guess I should worry about calcium allotments and prenatal yoga instead.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I took the test and thought my eyes were fooling me. Two lines!!! I put my hand on my belly and just looked at myself in the mirror for two straight minutes. So this is what I look like when I'm pregnant! I couldn't stop this smile, I looked like I'd gotten away with something. I went to tutor and wracked my brain with cute, fun ways to tell Nick. Those 2 hours I just kept loving my secret and thinking I'll never be alone, This baby and I are our own little team now.
After tutoring I ran to Walmart, found a perfect baby card with a little lamb on it and grabbed 2 more pregnancy tests. No such thing as false positive, but I needed confirmation of this little miracle! I had orignially tried to find a shirt for my dog Izzy that said "Big Sister" but apparently they only make those for dogs bigger than 50 lbs. Bastards.
I ended up making dog tags that said "Big Sister" and "I'm Pregnant" and tied them around Izzy's neck with blue, yellow, and green ribbon. Nick came home and I was waiting on our bed, Izzy ran to get him and ran back to the bed before he could see her. When Nick came back he picked up the dog and saw the little baby feet dog tag and said "No shit? No shit!!!" We cried and hugged. It was sweet and beautiful and exciting and terrifying all at once.