Yesterday was rough.
Rough as in the night before I was in bed at 7:15pm with a killer migraine, nausea, and some majorly sore quads from working out the first time in ages. Rough as in I actually planned to take a sick day to catch up on sleep and fight off whatever stomach bug was creeping on me before it hit full throttle. We did that last year. I will not let stomach bug of 2011 hit us again. That sucked. Big time. So I cuddled in bed, kitchen mess be damned, and reassured myself that I would have the whole house to myself to relax, watch dvr'd shows, and eat saltines. Deep breath. It will be okay.
So I was definitely not expecting Nick to wake me up at 1:00am with "Cade's throwing up. A lot.". Nothing wakes up a momma from her Tylenol pm coma wrapped in feather duvet and chamois blanket quite like an unexpectedly sick baby rushing into your room simultaneously grabbing his stomach and reaching for a hug.
We made it through a few more episodes of vomiting, cleaning, hugging, laundrying, lysoling, and bleaching to wake up next to each other with his arm around my neck. I grabbed the iPad, shot off plans to colleagues and rolled over for more sleep. Five minutes later, baby girl cries.
Nick and I stagger past each other and somehow he heads to a dr appointment that can't be rescheduled, and there I am....one hour to get everyone dressed, one kid to daycare, and one kid to the dr...all while feeling completely sick to my stomach and trying not to lose my lunch (or yesterdays lunch-- yes, I actually skipped meals and snacks..wtf).
Getting those children into the car, both of them crying...one from growing her 4th molar and 5th and 6th something else, one from wanting to be held but mommy can't physically lift you baby, I'm so so sorry, I'm sick too. Me crying and trying not to let them see my cry. My god. I really think this is it. #2 hardest moment of motherhood. Right here, right now. I wanted to give up and go back to bed. I wanted to twitch my nose and make us all feel better. I needed Mary Poppins. No quitting....Push through, Momma, push!! You can do it!
Somehow that sweet girl made it to daycare and her loving teachers gave me knowing looks and hopes that everything would be okay. Somehow God arranged for my mother in law to have the day off work, so she would pick up baby girl later on in the day and I could be nurse the two of us. Turns out he had stomach virus with a side of strep throat. We went to Target for our ritual post-dr prescription run. He saw toys, I bought him new Batman fleece jammies, I bought myself some bagel bites and a thermal top. Target therapy.
We napped it off, and the M-I-L came to the rescue with Popsicles and soup for him, trashy mags and ginger ale for me, and the sweetest little baby sister girl. Somehow we survived the day from hell, and are on the mend now.
And for the record, #1 hardest moment of motherhood was also my first moment of motherhood, pushing out that sweet baby Cade. Killer. But #2 is a close second.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Yesterday was rough.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
So, there was this day.
It was awhile ago, but it's a day I've been meaning to confess about.
My brother was in town. We were heading out for an adventure and Cade was devastated. He desperately wanted to wear his Batman shirt, but it was dirty. I didn't have time to do laundry just for this shirt. I didn't want to do laundry just for this shirt. I'm sorry. But I refuse to be that parent who washes a shirt every day just to make their kid happy. That's weird. I can't do it. I won't do it. But this day I paid for it. He was seriously devastated that he couldn't be Batman for his Uncle Alex.
So I convinced him that he could be Batman. He could wear a button up shirt, just like Bruce Wayne.
He stopped crying a little. I mean a little. Like instead of sobs we had trickling tears. Progress. Mommy score! But I could tell I needed to think quick. He needed more.
So I told him to wait right there. I grabbed the black waterproof Crayola marker and showed it to him.
"You can BE Batman... but it has to be our secret. Nobody can know that today you are more than Bruce Wayne. Save that secret for someone special."
He nodded very seriously. Crocodile tears.
Point 2! Keep going, Mama. I told myself.
So I told him to lay down. I unbuttoned his shirt and drew a black bat on his chest. I colored it in, I tried to make it look good. He loved it!
We went to the bathroom and I showed him his secret bat.
He smiled as he held open his shirt.
He was walking around kind of hung down. Uh-oh.
Something else??! Is this kid for REAL?!
Then I remembered.... The black nail polish.
I found it and I painted his nails.
He was so proud.
He was happy.
Ten points for Mommy!It was a great day. We did the Dallas World Aquarium. (Post to come)
We were happy and had fun with Uncle Alex.
We went to dinner at Mattitos.
And then... Devyn drank from Alex's margarita.
It's been awhile, friends.
I've been living, doing fine, but struggling to stay afloat some days. I don't really talk on the blog about being a working mom, and I know I should, because I'm sure there are working moms out there who could maybe relate. October was a crazy month, so many highs and lows. I think I felt so overwhelmed by life (both good and bad) that I couldn't even begin to think about blogging. But I should have. This is my journal, my life, and memories. And it's very real to me. If my daughter or my friend can one day relate to what I'm going through and not feel alone, it will be worth it. When I'm an empty nester years from now, I am sure I will look back and read this and long for the busy days of toddlerhood. I love the country song "You're Gonna Miss This". I recently ran into an old friend from elementary school. He was in the haze of being a daddy for just four or five days. I was so jealous of him, I'm a sucker for newborns. He asked me, "Does it get easier?" Oh yes, it does... but it doesn't. I tried to stay positive, tried to keep it real though, because there are moments when it's just the hardest thing you've ever done in your life...but I shared probably my favorite piece of parenting wisdom that someone wise once shared with me.
"Enjoy each stage. Each stage has it really great parts, and each stage has its challenges. Enjoy whichever moment you are in."
October... Sweet October. I love the promise of fall, the promise of holidays to come, the promise that seasons will change and you can start over new. As much as my goal for 2012 was to live with grace and give myself forgiveness and allow myself not to be perfect, but instead to live in perfect moments, I found myself still struggling with these things in the tenth month of the year.
My hectic, crazy, busy moments of fall: Waking up 1-3 times each night for the teething that will....not...end..., waking up at 5am, getting myself and kids ready for the day, heading into work an hour early to get stuff done, working lunches, meeting lunches, taking home grading, soccer practice 2x/wk at 5:30pm, laundry, cleaning the house, searching for binkies, trying to live a Pinterest perfect life...
And then, the sweet moments. Oh how they make it all worth it!
Reading and rocking each child to sleep, tickles on the changing table, greeting Daddy when he gets home each day with running hugs, playing iPad with Cade, laying in the dark and having bedtime chats about Cade's day, my quiet moments cuddling the dog in bed before I'm fully awake and ready to start my day, coffee with Silk Dark Chocolate almond milk, sitting on the couch with Nick, running with Nick to the bedroom to just lay on the bed together - escaping the kids for just a minute before they find us, dropping everything to play on the floor, naked kids running through the house, soccer games, coloring with the kids at their little table, listening to Pandora and cooking dinner, Cade's belly laugh, Devyn's quiet giggles.
Enjoy the imperfection
Breathe through the chaos