Tuesday, September 27, 2011

You know you're a mommy when...

You know you're a mommy when you wake up at 6:15 and you realize usually your newborn wakes between 5:00-5:30 for a morning feeding. At first you fist pump in bed, nearly clocking your peacefully slumbering spouse, thing maybe today is the day we get back on track towards STTN*. Then you panic, a knot the size of a golf ball forms in your throat and you choke back tears..... What if she's not breathing? SIDS and cancer, my two biggest mortal enemies in this world. When this panic sets in I have one of two reactions: leap from bed, knocking the dog on the floor and Jackie Joyner Kersee my way to the crib OR lay paralyzed, terrified to go check and place my hand on her chest to see if she's breathing. I wanted to make the hubs go check for me, that's how scared I was...but he doesn't need to depths of my crazy.

Thankfully I started to hear sweet coos coming through the baby monitor so I brushed my teeth (infants don't deserve to face the morning dragon, their little bodies can't handle that) and pulled my hair into a knot and went to get my princess. My. God. You should have seen the sweet smile and silent little laugh she does where she pushes her chin down and you see like 3 more little baby chins below that gummy smile. On anyone else that smile would be gross, but on her it's my heaven.

Cadester was already up and graced us with a twenty minute morning cuddle before he declared "sunny day OUT side!", which is our cue to turn on Mickey Mouse and brew the coffee. So when hubs had to leave for at the same time Devyn and Cade needed to be fed, I knew I'd be in for morning suckage. (which, for those of you who don't know, is defined as two children needing different things from one parent at once). I wasn't sure what would happen, but I decided to nurse Devyn first. I was peacefully settled in the rocker with her on my Boppy pillow, we had just gotten comfy when Cade comes in and stands in the corner of her room. And stares. At us. Now I'm a gambler, I've decided he will not have memories of Mommy Milk time when he's grown, but for one hot minute I thought he was on to me. Then he grabbed a handful of diaper and said "poo poo pants, Mommy". I didn't smell anything, so I said "do you need to go potty?" He got so excited and said "yes, Mommy! Potty, Mommy!". So he runs to the bathroom, I look at Devyn and we take our show on the road. We perch on the side of the tub while Cade tries the potty. After 3 seconds of trying he declares, "No like this." and pops his naked bottom off... Um, okay.so Devyn and I not so gracefully follow him.

I not so brilliantly ask him if he wants to wear his monster truck big brother underpants. I figured it would be easier to continue to nurse Devyn and help Cade into underpants than a diaper. Let's just say that was a disaster. Cade tried so hard but laid flat naked on the floor with the underpants around his ankles and he refused to try to use his hands to pull them up. I was cheering him on, he was saying "Too hard.". Uggggggh... Then I say "you can do it. Use your hands and pull." (still nursing the baby this whole time). He kicks off the underpants and starts to cry.

You know you're a mommy when you are nursing your infant and your crying naked toddler climbs on your lap for a hug. You feel like a failure because you wanted to nurse and potty train at the same time....idiot!! I felt like shit, he brought me a diaper but I wasn't going to make Devyn stop and start nursing AGAIN, so I told him I'd help him after mommy milk time. I told him he could go back to bed and check to see if Pirates were on tv. The rest of my nursing time (which was supposed to be peaceful) was me praying that the naked bottom boy didn't pee in my bed.

Thankfully Devyn was fed with no spitting up and Cade forgave me and kept my bed dry.

(sleeping thru the night).

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

1 Month

One month lambie rug pic.  I love the froggy legs that newborns have. Devyn actually stretches quite a bit, and has since we brought her home from the hospital.  I just love this face and little body.

Mommy remembered to accessorize!! I love the star onesie adn the big huge bow. I can't resist it. I tried so hard to capture her smile, but this was as close I could get to the fleeting one month old's gummy smile.  Here she was amazed at my face peeking around the camera.  We had guys in the next room laying tile, I'm sure they were wondering WTH this crazy white lady was doing in the next room. 

The mini cake was made from my friend Jessica's mom, Sally. She made the most adorable diaper cake in the history of the world, I hate to use it, so I left this top layer as a monthly sign of her age.  I hope she likes it and doesn't tear it up the way Cade did his paper monthly signs. He ate it, he tore it, he threw it. I'm hoping the "cake" idea has enough novelty to last us quite a bit as she grows this year.  Gosh, those sweet lips!! Don't you just want to kiss them?!
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2 a.m.

My favorite time of the day is now smack in the middle of the night. We have SORT OF gotten a "sleep schedule" so now I can SORT OF predict the favorite time.

Side note: notice how it only took EIGHT DAMN WEEKS to establish something resembling a normal life? Notice how reluctant I was back there in the intro paragraph to use absolutes lest I jinx my "sort of schedule". You see, infants love you to fly by the seat of your pants. Hand over the keys, Momma, Baby is driving! Cross your fingers and hold your breath... I want this to stick. Um, okay, unless said infant decides to STTN, then that can stick. (what the F is "STTN", you ask? It's the holy grail, motha! Sleep Through The Night. Defined as 6-7 consecutive hours of sleepage for the Momma. Holy grail, lovers!)

Back to the topic at hand....2 a.m. is my fave time. I've just gotten five hours of consecutive sleep and so when Devyn cries, my aching chest longing to be relieved I am more than happy to cuddle her and nurse her in the most fab rocker glider of all time. A. It's pink B. It reclines. Your rocker can go suck it. So I nurse her, check Pinterest, play Words with Friends...it's bliss. I dream of her future and I get so excited for all the little things. Her first dance class. Putting her hair into pigtails the first time.

Seeing her sweet sleepy face all milk drunk I get super high on love. It's unreal. Her face is just so precious and it takes me back to my time when Cade was an infant and I'm in heaven. I gently kiss her head, say another prayer for her, and lay her back down in her bed. then I tiptoe into Cade's Room and see him sleeping soundly, occasionally talking or whimpering in his sleep. My God, how can I possibly love these two so much? I whisper affirmations in his ear, smell his hair (I'm creepy like that), and kiss his forehead. I go back into Devyn's room, kiss her again, and then tiptoe back down the hall. Praying to any God that will listen that they sleep 3 more hours. As I crawl in bed I lean over and kiss Nick and tell him I love him. Hell, I even grab the dog and cuddle her tight to my chest and tell her I love her too. Everyone in the house is perfect at 2 a.m. I always hope Nick will wake up so we can talk about all the ways I love the kids (never gets old, I adore being able to say "the kids"). He never wakes up enough. He mutters something that sounds close enough to "love you" that I curl up in the duvet and fall asleep.

I don't know what I did to deserve this life, but I'm loving it. Absolutely nothing goes unappreciated these days. Living full of gratitude is the light.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Park Playdate!

Cade with his fun friend, Liam.  I love that these two are old enough to play together-ish (lots of the typical two year old side by side play) so I can get in some good mommy chat time. And bonus- the boys love cranberry slushies from Sonic!

My son is fearless. A fun trait when you're two and quite agile. A terrifying trait when you're sixteen and have a car. Any tips on how to give your kid a healthy dose of fear?  I'd like him to fear the wrath of Mom & Dad, getting in trouble with the law, failing a class, the pervy man by the playground, not keeping his room clean, jumping off tall buildings, drugs, and hooking up with girls. These are things I'd like him to fear. A lot.

Climbing a playground, meeting new friends, asking a cute girl to prom, trying new foods, putting yourself out there, doing what you love, taking a risk on a good (and safe) idea, saying no to your friends' dumb ideas. These are things I don't want him to fear.

The balance of fear and joy. How do you keep them innocent and playful and not afraid to strip down and run through the water splash pad?  Adults don't do that. Kids have no reservations about running full speed, spinning, drinking the water, screaming and squealing with the delight.  If I did that I'd get stopped by the cops and tested for public intoxication.  If I did that my  mommy wouldn't be there with a towel and a cool car so I could nap it off on the way home.

I wish we could all live like toddlers. If people don't get the words that are coming out of your mouth, they just smile and agree with you.  If you burst into song for no reason or quote your favorite movie or suddenly decide to pretend to activate your Buzz Lightyear jetpacks and fly, people will go along with it and play with you.  Life with a toddler is so damn fun if you go along with it.

Wouldn't you love just an ounce of this joy?  I wish with all of my heart that he has memories of how happy his childhood is, and that I can give him many more days and years of happiness.
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