Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
That's pretty much how I felt at 9:00pm last night after my first week back at school with the kids AND coming home to a baby. I was exhausted. And the thing is, so was every other teacher I know this week. By 3:00pm yesterday we were a rambling group of fools. Some of us were sauntering down the hallway, shuffling along barely able to pick up our feet off the floor. Others of us were prancing and bouncing down the hallway, so thrilled for it to be Friday you'd think they put crack in the teacher's lounge iced tea. I was the latter, totally delirious at the thought of a weekend at home with my family.
I went out with the girls (Congrats to my good friend who got engaged!!! eee!) and had to bail by 8:15pm. I desperately wanted to both stay out and talk all night long AND go home to cuddle my baby and get in bed. I feel like I am my own twin, totally different people and totally different goals at different parts of my day.
Being a teacher I am so involved and passionate and in love with my students, I would lay down across train tracks for these kids. Then 4:00 comes around and I start to hyperventilate. There's still so much I want to do for my students and yet I have GOT to get home to Cade. The clock is already ticking down the last precious hours of his day and each minute I spend at school is one less minute I get with my baby. Arrrghhh! How does anyone balance it? I've lived both indulgences...The days I could spend hours upon hours thinking about my kids and coming up with all sorts of things to tweak each of their lives even just a little bit for the better. Then the glorious maternity leave days when my whole world was Cade. Both were so indulgent and fabulous, now I'm stuck in both and haven't quite figured out how to have my cake and eat it too.
It's exhausting...Being a working mom is like the worst hangover of my life. Surely I'll figure this out, yet another challenge of motherhood. So far I've tried what I did in college to remedy a hangover: chicken tenders, ranch, and endless Diet Dr Pepper, all day in comfy clothes, butt on the couch. I couldn't even sneak in a nap because little man is so damn cute and entertaining he kept me up. Yeah, yeah, nap when the baby naps you say. I say A. he's a catnapper on weekends. B. when he does nap I choose eat. C. maybe if I napped instead of snacked I'd lose the last damn 5 pounds from hell. Anyways, I've got a lot to figure out. Tips are appreciated. (both advice and monetary tips are accepted).
"We're going in the car,
We're going the car,
We won't be going very far,
But we're going in the car."
Sometimes though, I need some adult time and I need to bring the flava! I'm also known to talk to Cade and something I say or something he does reminds me of another song, so I bust him out some of that too. He especially loves songs with dances that go with the lyrics. Nick gets in on it too. We've realized that the only song we both know in its entirety is "Baby Got Back". Hims loves a good beat. "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun!" He cracks up and grunts along with us.
On the changing table he prefers me to sing "Boom Boom Pow". I don't know if it's messed up if my son likes my booty shaking moves, but whatev. One night I was so busted by an older couple walking by. Guess that's my karma for window-looking myself when we're on a family walk.
Another time in the car Cade was squaking in the backseat. Nick and I broke him off some 2 Live Crew. Our apologies to the grandparents. We promise to learn more approp songs by the time he goes to preschool.
And time for a skills-update for friends and fam who haven't seen him in awhile. At 4 1/2 months old he can now:
- Roll over
- Push up his chest off the floor
- Put his toes in his mouth and suck away
- Put his binks in his mouth
- Eats rice cereal like a champ
- Has figured out that the bib holds spilled rice cereal and sucks off any fallen bits
- Splashes in the bath tub
- Can grab onto chest hair (sorry Papa!) and skin you didn't know could pull away from your body (mommy's chest when feeding, ouch! mommy's skin on her jaw, eech!)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Back to work,
To prove to my husband that I'm not a jerk.
Gotta do my part to support the fam, but really, does it have to involve being away from my baby? I've considered other ways I could possibly make money by staying home and playing with my baby all day. I've heard foot porn can be lucrative. Like you sell your socks and pictures of your feet to people who are into that. Of course, a girl's gotta have standards... but what if that did pay well? You could probably write off pedicures as a business expense. I'm just sayin'...
Um, so day 3 of back to work is done. 186 more to go. (yep, I'll be counting) First day wasn't so bad, I'm still six years old apparently by getting all worked up for going back to school. Then came the second day, about 11:30am when it hit me that I have to continue to go back to work. Every. Day. I tried deep breathing, I tried forcing a smile, I tried pretending I was totally cool, then I decided to just close my eyes and shake it off and out came the tears.
Uncontrollable, big fat, I can't see three inches in front of me, TEARS. And then I thought about all of the things I could be doing with Cade, and the breathing stopped. Okay, it started and stopped, but you get the picture. Thank God for waterproof Almay mascara, ya'll. It just dissolved, no big black streaks. I called my mom, I called my husband. I tried to collect myself as I sat in an empty classroom and pumped away.
It was misery. Today was better, but when I think about how much I'm torn between loving my students and loving my son I start to lose it. I want so badly to have my cake and eat it too. Work with these amazing kids, and yet feel like I have enough time with Cade. I don't know how to balance it and get everything that needs doing done. It will be better when the kids start coming and then I'll be wrapped up in everything that is fun and fabulous about them. Until then, I'm heartbroken. Scratch that...My heart now beats outside my body, and I'm separated from it for 9 hours a day. Every working mom deserves a big fat gold medal and diamond tiara to wear every day. I'm putting in an order for us at Tiffany's!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Rice cereal attempt #1: Wednesday night. I picked up Chili's To-Go for us and Rice Cereal for Cade. I was so excited. We ate our Chili's first, lest it get cold (bad parenting mistake #1392) and then I quickly mixed up some rice cereal. Okay, not quickly at all. I studied that package more than I studied for my SAT and GRE combined. I mixed the 1 tbs rice cereal with 5 tbs perfectly warmed to room temp distilled water with the care of a mad scientist mixing highly volatile compounds. I cleared the kitchen table, laid out our cute new placements (Kudos Aunt Shanon!), put the Bumbo on the table, and I went to the bouncer to gather my son. Who was sleeping soundly with binks just barely in his mouth, the tip of the sucky end just being moved ever-so-slighty by his sleepy tongue. So freaking cute, and so very frustrating. I've been hearing the legend of the rice cereal (that it makes your kid sleep oh so very soundly) and I wanted to try!
Rice cereal attempt #2: Thursday night. AKA best moment of my life. (aside from Cade's birth and the first time he says "Mommy") Um, I wasn't prepared for the amount of preciousness that would take place in my kitchen. I was not warned. I could barely handle it. I'm tearing up right now, 3 days later, as I recount the story. I can't believe the amount of pride and amazement I felt seeing him eat!
My words can't do it justice, here are the pics. (Soon to come: video)
Giving Cade a preview of what's to come.
This, my man, is your challenge.
omg: note the presh curled toes!
This guy loves his food!
He just wouldn't believe me that I would give him more!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
We had a loooong 40 minute wait to be seen. We talked, rocked, read our Circle book (spotted some Mommy jealousy that my 4 month old was holding his own book and "reading", while her 4 year old was rolling on the couches with her dress pulled up to the waist). Okay, FINE, I exaggerate, she was probably actually thanking God that her presh baby didn't have a helmet, but whatev.
My man is officially 15lb 15.5 oz (I'm going to go ahead and say 16 lb) and 25" long. 50th %ile all around, which made both the nurse and doctor laugh, whose body ever measures perfect in the middle of the norms? Kiss that goodbye little man, just wait until you're 30!
As you know, the baby penis is a total mystery to me. So embarassing, I was paranoid mom asking dr "Is it normal? Just tell me it's normal" and she tried explaining. I must have looked clueless because she proceeded to draw a penis diagram on the paper table cover. Again, I must have still looked lost because she was like "and this is the head and this here ridge", oh God...so embarassing. Can you imagine what must have happened when I left and the nurse had to clean that up? Oh the water cooler conversation must have been GREAT!
So we're all good, baby is healthy. Gotta work on the tummy time and introduce solids! Mmm, rice cereal. Anyhoo, I give the good dr props for offering to help me out with my insurance appeal letters big time. The pep talk to never give up helped too.
Cade and I picked up our friend and headed downtown for lunch with the girls. Might I recommend the fajitas and salsa at Monica's Aca y Alla? Tasty and cheap lunch, great service. Yee-haw for places that serve Diet Dr. Pepper! Cade and I love our girlfriends and are so sad that mommy going back to work means no more ladies who lunch! boo:(
We rushed home and my aunt came over to babysit while I went to get my hair done. It's so hard to leave him alone, but sitting in the chair getting my girl talk on, and then getting shampooed was heaven... fresh blonde makes mommy happy!
It was a great day, totally good way to spend the last few days of summer vacay! Night night.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Anyways, I know it's a waste of my last week of maternity leave summer to sit around and cry. I just don't know how to proceed. Go out and about with Cade and have some fun? Or hold him in a rocking chair and play at home?
I know I'm still a little teeny tiny bit excited for another school year (I've been excited about school since I was 4 and watched the big kids march off to kindergarten)...I've just got to mourn the 8 hours a day someone else gets to see that smile and hold those little hands and stroke his downy hair. I have a feeling come August 24th you'll find me crying into my bean bag chair with a brand new kindergartener. Both of us so scared, anxious, and a little bit excited about the road ahead of us.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Step-by-step Parent Negotiating 101:
1. "Is that the baby?" Of course it's the baby. Your baby monitor is not malfunctioning... (howev in certain neighborhoods I've heard the question is "Is that OUR baby?") You start with this tactic hoping your spouse will leap from the bed and take care of your offspring. It's passive-aggressive, rarely works, and is basically used to simply wake your spouse and initiate negotiating sequence.
2. "I think it's your turn. I went last time." This maybe works 60% of the time. It really depends on how sleepy your spouse is. Can you convince them that you actually left your king-sized palatte of comfort to change a diaper or pop a binkie back in, when REALLY you haven't left bed all night? This line should only be used by the honest spouse. Should the lying spouse get away with this ploy, they should do penance by offering a massage or putting on the coffee without being asked.
3. "NO, NO you didn't, I did." Hopefully your child is simply just practicing talking and not wailing if you pull this line. For some reason we all get sucked into the argument stage of negotiations, and it's really just a waste of everyone's time. At this point one spouse, usually the female, will slug out of bed to check on the baby. The most advanced female will then use this seeming loss as a victory later when she pulls out the martyr card. If you're feeling patient, this is recommended.
4. "If you go check on the baby, I will ______." Before children, this blank might have been completed by a sexual favor. After children, not so much. Other things seem MUCH more valuable. In our house it is "I'll go get you Braums tomorrow", "I'll take care of him tomorrow", "I'll vacuum", etc.
5. When both parties are satisfied with their end of the bargain, when the price is JUST right, that's when the baby will get attention. If the spouse who agrees to check on the baby is VERY lucky the baby will have soothed himself back to sleep by this point. If the spouse who agreed to check on the baby actually has to do some work, their negotiations are now with a higher power. "Please let this only take a minute", "Please God, say he isn't hungry", "His diaper is wet, please let the mess only be in the diaper", etc.
This negotiating does make the marriage stronger. One would think "Oh, no I don't want to bargain with my spouse, that's not what marriage is all about." Nay, nay, friends. Knowing what your spouse's ultimate price is can be very valuable. You just gotta learn how to work it. Just remember, you can always get some sleep when they're old enough for slumber parties. (At which point you will have perfected your negotiating to convince the neighbors that it's THEIR turn!)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Anyways, I mixed some football clear backed scrapbooking stickers from Hobby Lobby with the Husker logos to come up with football DOC band greatness.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
- "How old is your baby? Let me guess? 2 months?" ....."4 months, noooo...you lie!"
- "Is that protective headgear?" (judgingly)
- I explain that it's to correct a flat spot on his head, called plagiocephaly, more common due to anti-SIDS back to sleep campaign, they said "Oh, OUR kids didn't have that, they're fine." To which I kindly respond, "Actually, it surprised me too to learn that there are many medical reasons one should correct plagiocephaly, such as malformation of sinus and ear canals." They try to tell me the "headgear" is not necessary, I block out this info since I don't see any indication that they are medical professionals.
- One of them pats me on the back of my hip, almost like a little love tap on my butt..."Good luck with him! Enjoy him before he gets big and starts to talk back." Her friend," Oh yeah, then you'll really need good luck!" To which I smile and give obligatory chuckle and I push my baby away from these over-helpful Helens.
- They continue to loudly give motherhood warnings....at this point it's a TAD obnoxious to me as I'm CLEARLY needing to devote my full attention the clearance shoe sale with take an additional 40% off. (Dillard's ladies, take yourselves there!)
It wasn't totally an annoying experience, just strange. I do appreciate the other 4 strangers who all commented on how awesomely precious Cade's blue glitter stars are on his helmet. ... . . Too bad Daddy decided to gank it up with a red "Huskers" sticker.
(Mommy will need to remove stars and convert DOC band decor to full football theme in the morning, Mommy thinks mixing themes is grossly faux pas, and unacceptable on her little angel baby.)