Imagine the biggest party you went to in college. (Yes, I have to conjure up memories of college, that's how far back the party-hardy days are!) Great DJ, strobe lights, loud group singing until you lost your voice, and dancing until your feet bled. Then imagine you only got 4 hours of sleep and had to go to a football game the next day.
That's pretty much how I felt at 9:00pm last night after my first week back at school with the kids AND coming home to a baby. I was exhausted. And the thing is, so was every other teacher I know this week. By 3:00pm yesterday we were a rambling group of fools. Some of us were sauntering down the hallway, shuffling along barely able to pick up our feet off the floor. Others of us were prancing and bouncing down the hallway, so thrilled for it to be Friday you'd think they put crack in the teacher's lounge iced tea. I was the latter, totally delirious at the thought of a weekend at home with my family.
I went out with the girls (Congrats to my good friend who got engaged!!! eee!) and had to bail by 8:15pm. I desperately wanted to both stay out and talk all night long AND go home to cuddle my baby and get in bed. I feel like I am my own twin, totally different people and totally different goals at different parts of my day.
Being a teacher I am so involved and passionate and in love with my students, I would lay down across train tracks for these kids. Then 4:00 comes around and I start to hyperventilate. There's still so much I want to do for my students and yet I have GOT to get home to Cade. The clock is already ticking down the last precious hours of his day and each minute I spend at school is one less minute I get with my baby. Arrrghhh! How does anyone balance it? I've lived both indulgences...The days I could spend hours upon hours thinking about my kids and coming up with all sorts of things to tweak each of their lives even just a little bit for the better. Then the glorious maternity leave days when my whole world was Cade. Both were so indulgent and fabulous, now I'm stuck in both and haven't quite figured out how to have my cake and eat it too.
It's exhausting...Being a working mom is like the worst hangover of my life. Surely I'll figure this out, yet another challenge of motherhood. So far I've tried what I did in college to remedy a hangover: chicken tenders, ranch, and endless Diet Dr Pepper, all day in comfy clothes, butt on the couch. I couldn't even sneak in a nap because little man is so damn cute and entertaining he kept me up. Yeah, yeah, nap when the baby naps you say. I say A. he's a catnapper on weekends. B. when he does nap I choose eat. C. maybe if I napped instead of snacked I'd lose the last damn 5 pounds from hell. Anyways, I've got a lot to figure out. Tips are appreciated. (both advice and monetary tips are accepted).