Saturday, November 10, 2012

Sweet October

It's been awhile, friends.
I've been living, doing fine, but struggling to stay afloat some days.  I don't really talk on the blog about being a working mom, and I know I should, because I'm sure there are working moms out there who could maybe relate.  October was a crazy month, so many highs and lows. I think I felt so overwhelmed by life (both good and bad) that I couldn't even begin to think about blogging. But I should have.  This is my journal, my life, and memories. And it's very real to me. If my daughter or my friend can one day relate to what I'm going through and not feel alone, it will be worth it. When I'm an empty nester years from now, I am sure I will look back and read this and long for the busy days of toddlerhood. I love the country song "You're Gonna Miss This".  I recently ran into an old friend from elementary school.  He was in the haze of being a daddy for just four or five days. I was so jealous of him, I'm a sucker for newborns. He asked me, "Does it get easier?" Oh yes, it does... but it doesn't. I tried to stay positive, tried to keep it real though, because there are moments when it's just the hardest thing you've ever done in your life...but I shared probably my favorite piece of parenting wisdom that someone wise once shared with me.

"Enjoy each stage. Each stage has it really great parts, and each stage has its challenges. Enjoy whichever moment you are in."

October... Sweet October. I love the promise of fall, the promise of holidays to come, the promise that seasons will change and you can start over new.  As much as my goal for 2012 was to live with grace and give myself forgiveness and allow myself not to be perfect, but instead to live in perfect moments, I found myself still struggling with these things in the tenth month of the year.

My hectic, crazy, busy moments of fall:  Waking up 1-3 times each night for the teething that will....not...end..., waking up at 5am, getting myself and kids ready for the day, heading into work an hour early to get stuff done, working lunches, meeting lunches, taking home grading, soccer practice 2x/wk at 5:30pm, laundry, cleaning the house, searching for binkies, trying to live a Pinterest perfect life...

And then, the sweet moments. Oh how they make it all worth it!
Reading and rocking each child to sleep, tickles on the changing table, greeting Daddy when he gets home each day with running hugs, playing iPad with Cade, laying in the dark and having bedtime chats about Cade's day, my quiet moments cuddling the dog in bed before I'm fully awake and ready to start my day, coffee with Silk Dark Chocolate almond milk, sitting on the couch with Nick, running with Nick to the bedroom to just lay on the bed together - escaping the kids for just a minute before they find us, dropping everything to play on the floor, naked kids running through the house, soccer games, coloring with the kids at their little table, listening to Pandora and cooking dinner, Cade's belly laugh, Devyn's quiet giggles.
My  new promises to myself:
Live with grace
Enjoy the imperfection
Breathe through the chaos
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