I always said I didn't want to know the kind of crazy being pregnant would make me. The first 22 weeks of being pregnant, however, I was AMAZED at how cool I was. Seriously! You are the only person who can truly know the depths of your own psychosis, right? Well, I was pretty damn impressed with myself at how laid back, sweet, glowy, maternal I was feeling. (some of you are laughing... but in my memory I'll just let that description remain)
Anyways, last week it's like I woke up crashing into a brick wall. One day, cool. Next day, basketcase. My emotions are so all over the place I can't even define them accurately, they change so quickly! Yesterday I was spirited, loving, frustrated, angry, depressed, mellow, panicked, pouty, remniscent, horny, whiny, and finally (as it most days) exhausted. What is that? Who should have to live a day like that?
Things that currently trigger crazy:
- The Ferrero Rocher commercial. An otherwise tolerable holiday commercial until they cut the Christmas carol short, as in mid-verse. This triggers angry Hilary.
- Interruptions at work that require me to immediately switch my focus. Getting deep in thought and "in the zone" is something I LOVE. I LOVE feeling super-focused. Thanks for interrupting my productivity, beatch. Now you have to deal with bitchy, whiny Hilary.
- Driving to work. For whatev reason when I get about halfway to school I think of Nick and how much I love him and need to tell him RIGHT NOW just how much I can't live without him and how grateful I am for his love. I'm sure he thought this was sweet and cute the first time he got a 6:50am phone call, but I think he's prob over it now. Especially when this moment hits and there's a song on the radio that makes me more emotional, aka, teary and choked up -- wow. kinda crazyyy!
So Nick can tell that it's not me, it's just the pregnancy, and God bless him for that. He describes it best by saying that Cade is sitting on a horomone. I imagine myself sitting in the middle of the ocean on a surfboard, subject to whatever emotions the tide brings in today. I have to just ride out each wave and hope to catch a better horomone on the next wave.