great idea! oh.

I had a fleeting brilliant idea today as I was changing Cade. I found myself thinking "Damn, if only I had an adult onesie. That eliminates a lot of stress of picking outfits each day. I mean, you don't have to think 'Is this shirt the right length for this skirt? Are these pants too wide leg for this shirt?' It's one stop dressing. Dressing...Dressing. Dress. Oh yeah, I can just wear a dress."

I guess it's a good thing Cade is getting all my brain cells via nursing. Kid better be smart if he's sucking that much brainpower out of me. Honestly, wtf with me wasting 2 minutes on that train of thought? It seemed like such a great idea as I was thinking it though. But a lot should be said for pants. Now that I think about it, I don't want to see myself walking around in virtually a bodysuit. They made those in the 80's you know. Shit, now that I really think about this more, if we all wore adult onesies that would pretty much be like walking around in leotards all day. Good God.

Baby in D.C.!

Yes, Mommy made sure I wore red, white, and blue all weekend. Presh!

We survived our first travel experience, and sweet baby Cade definitely earned his wings! (Okay, not technically-- guess the economy is so bad that American Airlines couldn't spare a plastic pin for my precious little angel. grr) My grandmother Boppy passed away 5 days after Cade's birth, and we went to Washington D.C. for her funeral at Arlington National Cemetary. (Which was gorgeous by the way, she was buried with my grandfather and it was really comforting and just a perfect service! That's another more private story entirely though...)

The toughest part of the actual travel bit was getting thru security. Thanks to a genius tip from a fellow new mom, I wore Cade in his baby Bjorn (I feel cool each time I say "baby beeee-yorn") and pushed our carry-on bags in the stroller. I was with my parents as Nick had to work. Dad is always a bit of a mess getting thru security with his hearing aides and all the stuff that Dads are required to carry in their pockets (loose change, peppermints, Beano, you know the drill). So Mom and I fended for ourselves and must have looked a hot mess of emotions and trying to play it cool as we like to be Masters of Efficiency at all times. Folding the new stroller I got just for travel purposes (thank you craigslist) was a total bitch. Jingly toys and wheels going in every direction, the smug security bitch just stood with arms crossed over her(?) boobs/pecs and said "It'll fit, just keep turning it". NOT EASY when you're juggling a baby, a bag of breastmilk bottles, and your grandmother's urn!!! Honestly, could they have physically lent a hand or does their help just not extend past vague hints about how to fit a stroller and do or do not you put your grandmother thru the X-ray machine??!! I'm exhausted just remembering it....

Anyhoo, we made it thru and I'm now I'm allowed to brag that my precious little angel baby fell asleep during take-off and landing. To him it was peaceful bliss. To me I was thinking "how shitty it would be if the plane went down and how the F would I save Cade? Oh shit, I forgot to ask if they have extra air masks for lap babies?"

I told you! Sweet little angel slept both flights! Scooore!

It was a total learning experience to travel with a baby though. I learned that yes, you should have used the opportunity to yell back at the hag who loudly admonished (yes, admonished!) me for breast-feeding in a quiet empty corner of a restaurant even though I was fully covered. I learned that bringing a breastfed baby along is a sweet way to score some quiet alone time from family all weekend (even though I adore you guys). I learned that one must practice somber smiles for pictures taken at memorials. I panicked at the Pentagon memorial and ended up with this jackass pic.

I also learned that some new moms are f-ing strange as hell....

So I'm checking out art in the Smithsonian with my baby. Look Cade, it's your first Monet! Cade, this here is called pointalism. Cade, Calder was known for art in the round. Cade, don't look at that nude sculpture! I saw new mom eyeing me. At first I thought it was a crazy competitive stroller Nazi (you know the whole "Is your stroller better than my stroller?") McCrazy asks me "Aw, he's sweet. How old?" Acceptable question/compliment duo, so I obliged and answered back. McCrazy took this as open invitation to ask how long he sleeps, how long he's awake, how playful he is, how many poops a day. It was INSANE! "Hellloooo, I'm here for the art, bitch. Buh-bye!"

We did have good times with the fam, and I felt like a very smart mom taking baby to such educational, cultural, historical places for his very first trip. I made sure to take pics of him at important places, so he can use the pics for school projects (this is me, 8 weeks old at the Ford Theatre...which has an inappropriately modern face-list by the way). He better remember all of it!

Here are some of my fave pics from the trip...


Reading the book Gramma got Cade from National Art Gallery




National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden

(We weren't entirely sure what this sculpture was, so we took a lucky guess)

The Lincoln Memorial,

Touring at Night = Highly Recommended

Grandaddy, Gramma, Uncle Alex, Baby Cade, Mommy, Great Uncle Todd & Great Aunt Paula

8 things...

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To

1. Seeing my bro
2. Mani/Pedi tomorrow
3. Cade's first word
4. Sleeping (without worrying about SIDS)
5. Another episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8
6. Getting my chocolate fix
7. Cade's first pool day
8. Going to California!

8 Things I Did Yesterday
1. Shopped with Sara & McKenzie
2. Food court lunch with Nick
3. Nursed in a dressing room (thanks J Crew)
4. Scored a brand new Chicco stroller (thanks Craigslist!)
5. Yoga
6. Got new collar for Izzy
7. Got a snarky remark in to the Reliant door to door salesman as I closed door in his face (hahaha)
8. Read Goodnight Moon and rocked Cade to sleep

8 Things I Wish I Could Do
1. Hang out with Jon
2. Fix Kate's hair
3. Remodel my kitchen
4. Have a spa day somewhere really nice
5. Go back to Australia
6. Take a hot air balloon ride
7. Lose last 10 pounds of baby weight
8. Have a month's worth of breastmilk stocked up

8 Shows I Watch
1. Survivor
2. Project Runway
3. Jon and Kate Plus 8 (what the hell with this already?)
4. The Hills
5. Bachelorette
6. Inhale
7. Grey's Anatomy
8. Private Practice (holy cliffhanger, Batman!)

baby loves flowers!

The day I was dreaming of when I was pregnant finally came! My Aunt Shanon took Cade and I to the Dallas Arboreteum. When you're pregnant you look forward to using your brand new stroller somewhere beautiful. (Oh, and having a cute baby to put in the stroller too!) Yesterday I started the day at Starbucks to treat myself to a grande mocha. The drive thru at my regular Starbucks was 8 cars long (totally inappropriate as it was not a rainy day! lazy ass Plano drivers need to get out of their car and save the drive thru for ladies with newborns)

So I went to the next Starbucks down the road and took Cade in with me. The lovely angel baristas said, "Is that YOUR baby??!" as soon as I walked in the door, causing the 8am crowd to turn around and stare at me. My first thought was Surely I don't look like a 16 yr old mom, but then they said "Look at you rocking that dress!" Um, Can I say I'm now in love with these 2 baristas and now have a new fave Starbucks? Thank you ladies for making my year. Now if only I can remember not to look naked backwards in the mirror (really, what would possess me?)...

Anyways, we picked up my Aunt Shanon and enjoyed the most gorgeous weather at the Arboreteum. The flowers were gorgeous, there were stargazer lilies galore, views of White Rock lake that were stunning, and a yummy lunch at the Garden Cafe with live music. It could not have been a better day to enjoy peach tea and stroll around outside.

uh-oh, i'm supposed to be SWEET?!

This week I've been hit by the guilt bus. There I was, enjoying my time home with Cade, when - BAM!- guilt set in. When I was out with friends last week, one bestie told me how she'd missed my being around to make snarky comments about strangers. Turns out, my friends have missed having their token bitch around, and apparently nobody has graciously stepped in to fill that role.

When I look at my sweet baby I realize that I'm supposed to be his sweet mother. And I can totally fill that role a good 80% of the time (don't want to commit myself to too much Pollyanna). But it doesn't feel like 80% is good enough. I don't want to be a Candy Spelling, and 30 years from now have Cade write this memoir of his terrible childhood with his bitch mom. Making bitchy comments and being a little bit of a bad girl is too much fun though! It's been hard to give it up this past month in favor an optimistic, loving, nurturing mother-girl.

As I poured another cup of coffee this morning (brewed to the 10 cup line today. hey-- a girl's gotta have goals!) I thought about my grandmother, Boppy, and my mom. It's not so much that I'm a total bitch per-se, it's just that I'm a little naughty. A naughty mom is a fun mom. I remember one of the first times my mom was a little bad with us. We were on a Girl Scout lock-in at the Science Place. We were leaving the bathroom and doing the Crazy song and dance. (I can teach you sometime) This other Girl Scout leader tells us to knock it off and that we are out of control and a disgrace to Girl Scouts everywhere. As she pushed by us to go join her little angels we notice that her broomstick skirt is stuck in her panties. To top it off, she must have weighed 300 lbs. Being good Girl Scouts we felt a little embarassed at having been called out, but Mom made us feel better when she said something along the lines of, "And SHE should be telling us we're a disgrace?"

My mom and grandmother, being a little naughty, took us to the Gay Pride parade in San Diego one year. They had to know if you get thousands of gays together you will see some displays of sexuality and making out. This is why we love gays, they know how to have a good time. Most parents don't take their pre-teens, but in honor of educating us and making us tolerant, there we were. Naughty, but good parenting nonetheless. How can your kids possibly become bigots or homo-phobes if you see thousands upon thousands of gays and lesbians at a young age? That many people can't be wrong.

So the pressure to be sugar-sweet all the time has lifted. Naughty moms are probably the best moms. I think most of my best memories from my childhood are from doing things just a little bit naughty. (Like those days we had TCBY for lunch) It feels good that I don't have to give up snarky comments, junk food, or try to conform to June Cleaver standards. I think most of my friends, any girl in her 20's, probably worries about losing some of herself when she becomes a mom. Letting a little glimmer of my bitchy or naughty side out isn't going to hurt my child. In fact, I hope he grows up to be the kind of man that can call a tool "a tool" with his momma.... as long as he's sweet 80% of the time.

mommyhood = the big education

After last post's incredible amount of optimism and sappiness, I've got to keep it real this time. I admit, I've had some mommy freak-outs. Is it infant acne or is it viral rash? Why is one ear bigger than the other? I've changed your diaper, fed you, given you the binky, why are you still fussing? Oh shit, you slept 5 hours in a row---are you alive?!

I don't know when it happened, but I think my guardian angel, or maybe Cade's guardian angel, spoke to me. All of the sudden I just had this thought, "This is how you learn. Let the baby teach you how to be a mother to him." Since then each little behavior is a clue and I'm trying to piece them together to figure him out so next time I have a game plan. I've learned: Panic = bad, Game Plan = good.

Other Things I've Learned So Far:
1. Babies don't sleep in. Get up at 7am with him, feed him, then feed yourself and enjoy some coffee while he enjoys his swing. I'm SO loving my coffee and newspaper time when typically I would be teaching math.
2. Diaper bag must include: diapers in the right size (oops)
3. Use a burp cloth when you burp the baby (um, yeah...acidy milk smell on clothes = rank)
4. EVERYWHERE is sold out of the MAM pacifiers size 0-2 months, so it is now my life's mission to not lose the binkies
5. Pooping up the back is real. Removing a onesie after baby has pooped up the back without
creating a "poop all over his face" situation is a fine art.
6. Going out with friends is a must! Remembering I'm a girl and that eyeliner and high heels are still acceptable accessories for a mom is a must.

So last night I had my first beer in almost a year (sweet, sweet Corona Light) AND fit into my Rock & Republics (despite the post-preg muffin top) AND high heels (bye-bye cankles!) AND hit up McKinney Avenue with friends. It felt good to remember that I'm still a girlfriend and can have fun hanging out without baby. After I dropped off the girls, however, I could not get home fast enough. It took me about 10 minutes to realize I could stop driving 5 mph below the speed limit because there was no infant in the car. I sped 5 mph over the speed limit to get home to Cade. When I made it in the door I kicked off those heels and ran to him.

When he heard my voice he smiled and that binky fell out of his mouth. It took a few seconds, but he did turn his head to me and kept smiling and cooing for me. Now I know how good it must feel for Nick to come home and get that love. And that makes lesson #7. You do have to go away for a little while, to enjoy the sweet moments you get when you come home.

little surprises

Being a mommy so far is going great. I'm constantly surprised by little things that hadn't occured to me while I was pregnant that I would enjoy.

1) Now when I go out I check out guys. Okay, so this isn't so different from BC Hilary, but now the guys I'm checking out are the under 2 yr set. I scan the outfit, the scan the baby's face and body and compare to my little man. Yep, Cade's cuter or Oooh, those plaid overalls would be adorable on Cade.

2) I've had my moments in my past where I obsessed about a guy (how hot he is, how much I love when he touches me, what our future together could possibly hold). I've got to apologize to the men I've lusted after/fantasized about/couldn't get out of my head. I thought I had it bad when I was 16, 18, and 22 years old. .....NOTHING compares to the obsessive powerful love I have for this kid. I literally dreamed about those blue eyes when I was pregnant and now that he's here and that face is real and right in front of me. I'm hooked, nothing can compare.

3) Diaper changing time. Surprisingly, I love it. Cade is so engaging staring at me, the conversations we have at the changing table...couldn't trade them for the world.

4) The peace and feeling that all is right in the world when Cade falls asleep on me after nursing. His face is so utterly content. You can forget that bad things happen in this world when you see that peaceful face, full tummy, sleepy baby.

5) The absolute joy that I get when Cade has dozed off and I'm staring at him and his little lips slowly curl into a smile that takes over his whole face. I try to capture it on camera but just can't ever get to it in time. It's the briefest moment but it's to die for. And on just a few occasions he has actually giggled, like he's having a funny dream. It's officially the best noise in the world. (2nd only to his very first cry when he was born)

6) How powerful this little person is over Nick and I. Both of us will admit that just thinking about him can bring us to tears. It's amazed me that Nick and I just look at each other and say "I love him so much" and we both will already be tearing up. It's an unreal experience.

I didn't plan to be surprised by any of these things or how poweful they would be. Of course I expected to love our baby and have fun, but I wasn't prepared for this kind of love. I feel like I'll wake up and it will all be a dream.

Enough of the sappy pap (high fidelity slang there). Ask me another day the frustrating details of new motherhood--there's plenty of those too, but today, let me be. I'm in love.

Izzy love

Cade and Izzy love each other. He will watch her and she will
watch him. If she hears him make a loud cry over the monitor she will look to me and then jump out of bed to go check on him. She's a very good big sister. After Cade and I get home she comes over to say hi to him as I get him out of the infant carrier. Then I have to carry Cade to the couch so Izzy can sniff him and give him a kiss. It's really sweet! And to all of you who said we'd neglect our dog after the baby came, not so my friends! We love Izzer more than ever and she's been so good to the baby.

When I was pregnant I told Nick that I couldn't imagine loving the baby as much as I love our dog. I know it's controversial, but I love them both equally! I'm sure that will change as soon as Cade can talk and say "Mommy"...but then it will change again once he gets older and starts talking back. All's fair in love 7 war, right? I am amazed at how fun he is and how expressive he is already. Just check out these emotions and tell me if they aren't appropriate for the situation, what are the chances it's all just gas? No way.

Check out the love!

the nights of chuckie...

Of the eight nights we've had Cade at home, we've heard some very interesting sounds over the baby monitor. Sometimes we're not sure if what we're hearing is a fart or a cry, other times we giggle at the little baby hiccups. Last night at 2am we were awaken by a noise so disturbing we both clung to each other in terror.

Out of nowhere comes creepy merry-go-round-esque music and a little voice that said "Come play with me!" As I awoke with a pounding heart I open my eyes and I swear the whites of Nick's eyes could have lit up the room. I don't know which one of us whispered shakily, "What IS that?!" It was one of those moments when your first instinct is "I hope the baby is okay" quickly followed by instinct #2 which is "Honey, YOU go check that out!"

This has happened 2 other nights, so luckily we'd already ruled out that no, Chuckie himself has not been haunting our home. Instead, it's this precious little toy Nick's boss got us, the Sing & Learn Puppy. It's so strange, the first time this happened I was holding Cade in the kitchen in the middle of the night and heard it over the monitor from the living room. Nick and I both were like "Did you hear that? Where the hell did that come from?" I reassured myself that maybe it was our monitor picking up a neighbor's house.

The second time this happened Nick and I both jumped out of bed and ran to Cade's room, it was coming from the closet and we could see these red blinking lights. "F-ing puppy!" I haven't quite figured out why the damn toy only speaks between 1:00am and 3:00am. It was on the floor so I figured maybe the dog sniffed it out or it was set off by heavy footsteps. (Again for someone who just dropped 20 lbs, I don't know why this is just now happening) So puppy went up on the shelf.

When we heard "Come play with me! It's fun to learn!" last night I grabbed the toy, took it to the kitchen. Nick punched the toy. I (the smarter one) got out some scissors and tore into the box to get out the puppy. I couldn't free it fast enough to find the battery pack or off switch, whatever would end the creepyness.

Now we can rest easy with normal new parent worries...Is he breathing? Did he fall out of the crib? Was that noise a cry or a fart? Where can I get magic pills so husbands can breast-feed?

Sweet Baby Cade has arrived!

We have a son!!! Cade Andrew Lamb was born Tuesday, April 7th, 2009 at 8:30pm.  Tuesday morning we woke up early, drove to Presby and checked in to have a baby.  Dr. T induced me at 8:45am and I labored with contractions until about 2:30 when I got the epidural from the BEST anethesiologist in the world.  I thought I'd be freaked out, but she was so calm and cool and Nick was right there supporting me.  It took effect exactly by the 3rd contraction I felt after that, just like she said.  I couldn't feel my legs or anything from about my rib area down.  I had been dilated 2cm almost all day then all of the sudden I was at 9cm and then 10cm.   At around 6:30pm I was ready to push.  

The epidural made me so relaxed I was like "Will I feel pushing? Will this even hurt?"  hahaha, as IF I would be the first woman in the world not to feel the pain.  Through most of the pushing it felt just like pressure.  I thought I'd be done and it would just feel like a really tough workout.  Painful, but tolerable.   What felt like another hour and a half (but Nick told me was really only 15 minutes) I was working so hard trying to push when I couldn't feel anything and curling my body into a C.   My favorite parts were when the nurse told me to push harder.  Um hello, remember the epidural?  I have absolutely no control of my right leg, can't tell if I'm having a contraction or passing gas and you're telling me to pretty much wrap my legs around my head and push harder?!   

I started to panic that I wouldn't be able to get Cade out.  Nick kept telling me how I was doing such a good job.  At some point I told him to stop saying that because "Clearly I suck, he's not here yet!"  I begged anyone in the room to just pull out the baby for me.  They offered to use the vacuum (what I was originally SO opposed to) but I just wanted to see Cade so bad that I told them "Whatever will get him here!"  All of the sudden the dr and nurses suited up into super sterile gear.  I thought it was just vacuum gear, things started going really quickly and they were like "You're awesome! Yes, push like that!" I've never had a room full of people yelling and cheering so loudly for me. I was pushing and pushing with no breaks, just got on a high and then they said "His head is out, slow down, push less".   Um, wtf? Push less? I just got the hang of it, whattt?!!  Within seconds Cade was born and Nick was crying saying "You did it!" and all of the nurses were saying "Congratulations! Meet your son"  From that minute on my world was different.  

I just kept saying "I can't believe it, I can't believe it, I can't believe it! He's so beautiful, Nick look at him, I can't believe it. It's our baby!"  Nothing on earth could have prepared me for those feelings.  They cleaned him up and put him on my chest and we held him and kissed him.  As they were cleaning him up on the warmer I couldn't stop talking to him.  He looked right at me the whole time and one nurse said "He knows your voice".  It was miraculous.  Nick and I got our badges of honor, our hospital identification bracelets that match Cade's.  

The nurse let us have skin to skin contact and I was able to nurse Cade right away.  It was just like my dreams about him while I was pregnant.  It was the best feeling in the world and Cade fed right away like he knew just what to do.  We were made to fit together, he in my arms and his head just right there for me to kiss and Nick's arms just right around us.  

About an hour later our parents were allowed to come in the room and as soon as my mom came in and hugged me we both just sobbed and sobbed.  Nick's mom came in right behind her and we also just sobbed together.  Seeing our parents each get to hold Cade was so incredible, we are a blessed family.  This kid has no idea how loved he is and how amazing he is.  As my Uncle Todd says, he is heartbreakingly adorable.  We're in love!