Tuesday, April 28, 2009

little surprises

Being a mommy so far is going great. I'm constantly surprised by little things that hadn't occured to me while I was pregnant that I would enjoy.

1) Now when I go out I check out guys. Okay, so this isn't so different from BC Hilary, but now the guys I'm checking out are the under 2 yr set. I scan the outfit, the scan the baby's face and body and compare to my little man. Yep, Cade's cuter or Oooh, those plaid overalls would be adorable on Cade.

2) I've had my moments in my past where I obsessed about a guy (how hot he is, how much I love when he touches me, what our future together could possibly hold). I've got to apologize to the men I've lusted after/fantasized about/couldn't get out of my head. I thought I had it bad when I was 16, 18, and 22 years old. .....NOTHING compares to the obsessive powerful love I have for this kid. I literally dreamed about those blue eyes when I was pregnant and now that he's here and that face is real and right in front of me. I'm hooked, nothing can compare.

3) Diaper changing time. Surprisingly, I love it. Cade is so engaging staring at me, the conversations we have at the changing table...couldn't trade them for the world.

4) The peace and feeling that all is right in the world when Cade falls asleep on me after nursing. His face is so utterly content. You can forget that bad things happen in this world when you see that peaceful face, full tummy, sleepy baby.

5) The absolute joy that I get when Cade has dozed off and I'm staring at him and his little lips slowly curl into a smile that takes over his whole face. I try to capture it on camera but just can't ever get to it in time. It's the briefest moment but it's to die for. And on just a few occasions he has actually giggled, like he's having a funny dream. It's officially the best noise in the world. (2nd only to his very first cry when he was born)

6) How powerful this little person is over Nick and I. Both of us will admit that just thinking about him can bring us to tears. It's amazed me that Nick and I just look at each other and say "I love him so much" and we both will already be tearing up. It's an unreal experience.

I didn't plan to be surprised by any of these things or how poweful they would be. Of course I expected to love our baby and have fun, but I wasn't prepared for this kind of love. I feel like I'll wake up and it will all be a dream.

Enough of the sappy pap (high fidelity slang there). Ask me another day the frustrating details of new motherhood--there's plenty of those too, but today, let me be. I'm in love.

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