Saturday, May 16, 2009

uh-oh, i'm supposed to be SWEET?!

This week I've been hit by the guilt bus. There I was, enjoying my time home with Cade, when - BAM!- guilt set in. When I was out with friends last week, one bestie told me how she'd missed my being around to make snarky comments about strangers. Turns out, my friends have missed having their token bitch around, and apparently nobody has graciously stepped in to fill that role.

When I look at my sweet baby I realize that I'm supposed to be his sweet mother. And I can totally fill that role a good 80% of the time (don't want to commit myself to too much Pollyanna). But it doesn't feel like 80% is good enough. I don't want to be a Candy Spelling, and 30 years from now have Cade write this memoir of his terrible childhood with his bitch mom. Making bitchy comments and being a little bit of a bad girl is too much fun though! It's been hard to give it up this past month in favor an optimistic, loving, nurturing mother-girl.

As I poured another cup of coffee this morning (brewed to the 10 cup line today. hey-- a girl's gotta have goals!) I thought about my grandmother, Boppy, and my mom. It's not so much that I'm a total bitch per-se, it's just that I'm a little naughty. A naughty mom is a fun mom. I remember one of the first times my mom was a little bad with us. We were on a Girl Scout lock-in at the Science Place. We were leaving the bathroom and doing the Crazy song and dance. (I can teach you sometime) This other Girl Scout leader tells us to knock it off and that we are out of control and a disgrace to Girl Scouts everywhere. As she pushed by us to go join her little angels we notice that her broomstick skirt is stuck in her panties. To top it off, she must have weighed 300 lbs. Being good Girl Scouts we felt a little embarassed at having been called out, but Mom made us feel better when she said something along the lines of, "And SHE should be telling us we're a disgrace?"

My mom and grandmother, being a little naughty, took us to the Gay Pride parade in San Diego one year. They had to know if you get thousands of gays together you will see some displays of sexuality and making out. This is why we love gays, they know how to have a good time. Most parents don't take their pre-teens, but in honor of educating us and making us tolerant, there we were. Naughty, but good parenting nonetheless. How can your kids possibly become bigots or homo-phobes if you see thousands upon thousands of gays and lesbians at a young age? That many people can't be wrong.

So the pressure to be sugar-sweet all the time has lifted. Naughty moms are probably the best moms. I think most of my best memories from my childhood are from doing things just a little bit naughty. (Like those days we had TCBY for lunch) It feels good that I don't have to give up snarky comments, junk food, or try to conform to June Cleaver standards. I think most of my friends, any girl in her 20's, probably worries about losing some of herself when she becomes a mom. Letting a little glimmer of my bitchy or naughty side out isn't going to hurt my child. In fact, I hope he grows up to be the kind of man that can call a tool "a tool" with his momma.... as long as he's sweet 80% of the time.

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