I can't believe today.
I knew trying to leave the house and go out with my baby was going to be a pain at times, but this was just ridiculous. I'm sure I had some crazy karma coming my way... and today I got it! As I said, we were going out to lunch at my FAVORITE burger place (Twisted Root Burger Co, you MUST get yourself there and order a Fried Ride). So I was eager to take Cade ASAP.
1st-- He had spit up all around the collar of his onesie. I figured "no biggie, a little spit up don't get in the way of me and my burger"
2nd-- As I carried Cade to his car seat he peed through one leg of his diaper and it got on the onesie. Apparently I don't know how to secure a diaper properly after 12 weeks. Awesome. I call my mom and tell her I'm running late, just doing a quick change. I put the cell phone down at the foot of the changing table. Big Mistake #1.
3rd-- I left the new diaper open as I turned for a new onesie. Big Mistake #2. (In my defense, my husband told me penises need a little "air time". I enjoy being the expert on everything, but I do know my place and surrendered penis territory to Daddy.) Cade peed a perfect little piss arc on my cell phone. Um, luckily (?), the pee landed on the screen not the buttons, so my phone works. I don't know pee phone protocol, so I wipeyed it down and then used a rubbing alcohol swipe on it. That seems clean enough. And pee is sterile, I've heard.
4th-- I tempt fate and think "It can't get any worse" so I put Cade in the pirate onesie. It's so freaking cute, it says "Argh", but for some reason he always poops/spits up/etc in it. I clean him up, put him in it, and put him the carrier and BAM! Milky vomit all over the onesie. I couldn't even read the "Argh". So I took him back to his room, cleaned him up AGAIN and we were able to go on our way.
I ate half a burger, curly fries, onion strings, and sweet potato fries (I shared the fried sides with 2 other people, btw). It was bliss followed by an ice cold Twisted Root root beer. ... . . and I deserved it!