Saturday, January 28, 2012

WTF, Uptown Mommies?!

I have been holding onto this rant for awhile. Partly because at first I thought I was missing out on something, and maybe the issue was with me. Then my better sense kicked in and I said to myself (and now you) WTF is going on with Uptown Mommies?!

The girls I am talking about are the stiletto strutting mommas who go out at 9:00pm wearing their size zero mini dresses.  They get out of their Escalades, then patiently pose on the curb as their hubs (also hot) reach back into the car and bring out their infants. Wait--- what!?! I am 100% in support of Momma's Night Out and Date Night. I just don't get the baby for late night dinner and drinks (I have seen this happen on a few occasions in West Village). Could it be that I am truly missing out on something good here?

Let's over-analyze the sitch:
1. They have no sitter.
Bunk! I spy you rocking those Marc Jacob bags and Manolos. You clearly can afford not one, but two nannies. That can't possibly the reason. (unless is Nanny's Night Out. Hm. Scandal!)

2. They think this a new trend.
No! We are NOT replacing purse dogs with babies. I don't care if you, hubs, and baby are all wearing color coordinated outfits. (Confesh, I SO coordinate whenevs I can. Trickier with two kids, but I digress.) Maybe they were attention whores and wanted to have the night crowd gush over little Sophia Lynne. I don't know about them, but I have to beat off the baby paparazzi during the day. Maybe they wanted a different type of attention. The "But you're too skinny and hot to have a baby!" I wouldn't know what that kind of attention is like. Maybe it's addictive?

3. Their babies will just sleep through everything anyways and they have a nanny back home who let Momma and Dads sleep in the next morning while the kids are attended to.
Ohhhhh. Got it. Only took me 3 tries but this MUST be what's happening here.

I wonder about the logistics of their night. I would never wear stilettos if I knew I was bringing my baby anywhere with me. Carrying that heavy infant carrier or even my heavy infant would totally throw off my balance. It would be very unglam. Then there is the issue of their mini dresses. Maybe there was a nursing bra underneath, but how were they going to pull that off? They weren't. (I'm so not a nursing nazi, but I will take some liberties in feeling superior... It makes me feel better after the 2 minutes I spend each day gazing at all the pretty little underwire bras laying in the lingerie drawer unused. And lonely.)  Did I mention that it's very tricky to find a trendy going out outfit that you can rock the nursing bra with? Or at least some substantial supporters for the Momma Guns. I've made the tragically painful mistake of wearing my strapless out one night. I was not about to let a little underwire get in the way of me rocking that cute little size 6! Fast forward 4 hours later... I had filled up so much that I was practically popping out of said dress. Ice would have ditched CoCo if he had seen these girls.  So the bra. The bra alone makes me wonder how and why they got out of the house with the newborns. 

Another issue was how did these girls get their hubs to agree to this? It was a group dinner situation. Two couples brought their babies, the other were without children. The men in the situation were the ones carrying the diapers and Chanel diaper bags. No way would that go down in my house. (The Chanel bag. I'm certain hubs can handle "babysitting" when it involves me nursing the baby to sleep then making a mad dash out for a few hours with the girls. He would MUCH prefer that to dealing with a baby in the crowd of Hot Little Urban Yuppies.)

I just don't know what to think about this sitch. I am all for bringing baby with me where I go. But after hours? How is that a relaxing night out for you? How is the baby getting good rest? Tell me your newborn can only sleep to clubby music, and the lights are dimmed anywhere you go at that hour anyways. Even more intriguing to me is did these mommies take their babies out to the next hotspot? What did they do next-- Karaoke? Bar hop?

I couldn't stick around to stalk these McCrazies. I had to go home by midnight so I could be alive enough to be a good momma the next day. Ain't no hangover like a sleepy mommy with energetic toddler and demanding little newborn.  It's second in misery to the time I thought I was a bartender freshman year and made Long Islands at that house party. So like a good Momma I had to go home by midnight to get my rest and pump (Cinderella's curfew. My boobs might have turned into pumpkins had I stayed out another hour longer.)

What do you think? Babies out on the town past 9pm. Do we like this?


  1. I'm okay with going out to dinner with hubby & the newborn after 9pm... lets face it, the babes is most likely going to sleep through it all. HOWEVER, I would NOT go to the West Village! I would find my fave hole-in-the-wall Thai place and hide in the corner with my snug little family. I'm definitely not dressed to the nines (mostly in fear of damaging my silk with an accidental breast milk incident) & I will not be wearing heels. Sweats & sneakers, hole-in-the-wall, circles under my eyes & a happy family... Now that's normal!

  2. I totally agree. Who wants some sloppy drunk hanging over the infant carrier (or even worse, the Snugli) whispering sweet (?) and probably boozy breathy comments to their baby?


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...