Friday, July 2, 2010

Today = FAIL

Almost everything I've attempted to do today has been a failure. In fact, when I first typed the title of this blog entry I typed "Today = FIAL". To highlight what a loser I am today, I will admit that I just googled "fial" to see if maybe on the off chance it meant something more, I dunno, meaningful or hopeful.

I got this hit from Urban Dictionary defining "fial" (very convenient, what the chances, right?!)

FIAL - a way of expressing an even more epic fail. The misspelling serves to exemplify the great magnitude of fail that the person is commenting on.

And the website goes on to list 6 different version of this very same definition. Epic. have I failed today?

1. Went to gym. Before I even started on the treadmill (by which I scoped out the tv's to find channels that might interest me.... btw--wtf do they ALWAYS play Charmed for?? it's like I get MSNBC, ESPN, ABC, and CW..... have you ever heard of Fox or NBC?? Regis. Anyone?) So picture me finally choosing a treadmill and programming my Nano and selecting my treadmill program..Then imagine me flinching as I get a tap on my shoulder at 60-something dude is standing 2 inches behind me, ON MY TREADMILL WITH ME. I didn't even hear his question because in my head I had 2 real quick thoughts...#1 Are we doing this now? Do people share? #2 What is this guy saying? Because to me, I heard "Good evening Clarice Starling" Anyways, he wanted to know if the black workout glove on the floor was mine. Um, Seriously sir? Do I look like that kind of girl? And could you not have gotten on either treadmill beside me to ask me that? And can you back up so I don't feel your breath on my neck? FAIL.

2. My first mommy & me playdate at random park. I thought I could find random park. I thought it was at most 10 mintues from home. I thought I could trust the hostess' directions. Turns out the cross streets don't cross. Teachable moment for Cade about parallel streets, I think not. So I called her... Bitch has a voicemail that says "Hey it's x, please leave a message if you have an emergency, otherwise I'll call you back soon. Thankssss!" Um, I decided this was not an emergency, so I hung up and waited as I drove around. Looking for a park with a "rocket". (It's a Rockets for 4th of July party at the Rocket Park) No, Google maps and the city parks & rec guide do not recognize a Rocket Park. Had I followed Google maps I would have been at Lockheed Martin. Literal rockets. I drove for 50 minutes before deciding I was in a bitchy mood and needed a happy meal. FAIL.

3. I thought Cade might like to play in the McDonald's playroom. Oh yeah, it has tunnels that go up 20 feet high. I'm hungry, don't feel like food getting cold so I can chase him up there. FAIL.

4. We came home, had lunch and enjoyed our McDonald's smoothie (super yummy!). I was so proud of Cade drinking it THROUGH A STRAW that I let him walk around the living room with that. He took the straw out and twirled in like a baton. Cute! Uh-oh, mixed berry splats on the carpet. FAIL.

5. Grocery store. Drove there, it was sunny. Get to parking lot, it starts to sprinkle. Decide to get gas first, it starts pouring rain. Go back home FAIL.

6. As soon as we get unpacked and Cade has a quick snack of pears and frozen peas it stops raining. I quickly load him back into the car and we drive to Kroger. We smugly walk into the store, thankful we missed the rain. All the shopping carts are wet from the rain. Not a single dry cart. Smug single girl says "I'm not picky if it's wet" and goes into the store. I won't lie, I wanted to slap her.... My precious BABY can't sit on a wet seat!!! I go back to the car for my handy dandy seat cover.

7. We checkout and cart boy puts groceries in the baby seat. FAIL. We walk outside and it's POURING RAIN. Duped my Mother Nature.... Yet does anyone offer to help us? Where are the cart boys? We've been ditched by the cart boys! FAIL.

FAIL, Fail, FIAL. That's my day. Hopefully I took all the bad karma today so you, faithful bloggie, could have good karma.

Love you, mean it!

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