Tomorrow

I am so exhausted, but I don't want to sleep. Because when I wake up my darling baby girl will be one year old. This time last year I couldn't sleep. It was like Christmas Eve. This year I am so proud of her to be turning one. Isn't that silly? But proud accurately describes this emotion. The amount of information a child receives their first year of life is truly amazing. Learning about and adapting to this world are huge things. I'm proud of us for surviving sleepless nights, teething, breastfeeding, first fevers, daycare, all of it! I'm trying to recall my fears and worries a year ago. One was, how can I possibly have from in my hear for another child? (don't worry Devyn, I sobbed before Cade was born because I loved our lhasapoo Izzy so much and just couldn't fathom how I could love a baby boy!). As soon as you were born darling girl, I was head over heels for you. Each new face you make and word you say and thing you do stretches my heart even more. You make strangers fall in love with you everywhere we go, of course your momma is totally smitten with everything you do. (except that diaper last night, that was nasty something fierce!!) I love you, Devyn. So so much. Another fear was am I cut out to mother two kids? Somehow I have to toot my own horn, because I am mommy to both of you, and sometimes I flat out rock it. Other times I fake it, and other times I fall flat on my face. But I am learning and loving it! Having baby number two was the decision that completed me. That little ache in my heart for a baby girl that I've carried my whole entire life was soothed by you little girl. You amaze me and I love you. I wish to be your best friend one day and I know we will learn so much from each other. I can't wait for you to teach me some things. I am trying so hard to pull together a beautiful first birthday party for you. We have pink tissue paper pom Pom flowers hanging through the house, a pink feather boa in our front door with a glittery D hanging from it, pictures from your first year strung from ribbon and pink and real scrapbook paper, and more surprises to come! I hope you love your special birthday. I have agonized about every single detail. Cupcakes or cake balls or cake? What kind of icing? What type of tutu should you wear? Where can I find THE perfect birthday shirt? Why can't I find that one little white sandal??!!! I want you to have proof when you are sixteen and hating me that I would give the world to make everything so perfectly beautiful for you. Just to see you smile and laugh and clap your sweet little hands is all I want. Time to go put on some Tim McGraw, watch your photo slideshow another time, and wrap some gifts. I love you Devy Doo. Love, Mommy