Monday, September 21, 2009

Mama Bear...grr!

Confession...we had our first baby birthday party for a friend's gorgeous girl's first birthday. I was so excited to see the other babies, especially another little man who was born just a month after Cade. So cute to compare! (And yes, I was doing completely respectable comparing, none of that psycho-momma comparing to see whose baby is more advanced at what! So proud!) Um, so where does my confession come in? I'm getting to that...

Cade was rocking his helmet as usual, people were politely curious and concerned. Again, I'm a very happy mama when people mind their manners. Everyone was pretty amazed at how "smiley" Cade was/is. It amazes Nick and I when people ask, "Is he always so happy?" "No really, does he actually smile that much, even at home?" Uh, what do you want us to say, people? The truth is, yep, he's a happy kid. Obviously he's teething and it gets painful at times and he cries. Obviously he has his growth spurts where for whatever reason he gets cranky. He's a baby. That's normal shit. You get over it and move on. Frankly, it's a good excuse to take a mommy nap/glass of wine/large pizza/gorge-fest-on-half-bag-of-Oreos/cranky bitch day too.

Anyways, so this one friendly lady was particularly sweet with the compliments so I let her hold him. The other sweet ladies I granted Hold Time respected the unspoken rules of Hold Time. You're not familiar? Allow me to educate you.

Hold Time Rules:
1. Pay Mama Bear a compliment about her baby.
2. Ask to hold.
3. BEFORE grabbing baby, verbally affirm that your hands have been washed/sanitized.
4. Gently reach for baby and hold him firmly. Even if you drop the baby I will forever feel guilt and horror at having deemed you Hold-worthy. Blame will be all on me, not you. So respect my hesitation before I let go of my infant.
5. Hold Time has Tiers. Tier One = 1-2 minutes (aquantainces and coworkers) Tier Two = friends (2-5 minutes) Tier Three = great friends/fellow mommy making baby Hold Time trade (5-15 minutes), Tier Four = family members only (15 minutes-40 minutes). If you are in fact a Tier One aquaintance, you may be granted a Tier Two pass if you casually drop a valid reason. Like, your grandchild lives more than 3 hours away, okay, you can hold my baby. You're going through a personal trauma and holding my baby will help heal you, automatic pass to Tier Four. I respect Baby Hold Time Therapy.
6. In return for my respect of you, and my granting you access to Hold Time, I expect you to respect me. I am a working mom of one child. My personal Hold Time allotments are shorter than a SAHM (stay at home mom) or a mom of more than one child. I get it, I know you've had 2+ kids you're a little "over it". I'm not anywhere near being "over it". I've regressed in my selfish baby-sharing ways since going back to work. I confess.

I also confess that after 2 minutes of Tier One Hold Time, I was starting to get a little possessive of Cade. I was HOVERING. Standing less than 6 inches from this woman and keeping one hand on Cade for most of the time. (Looking back at the mental picture of myself, yes, I'm ashamed) But I can't help ittttt! It was Sunday night, all I was thinking of was that I had to leave my baby at daycare for the following 5 days. Nearing the five minute mark I started to panic.

I started secretely wishing upon Cade all sorts of minor upsets. Toothache, wet leaky diaper, tired fuss time, hungry little whimpers...anything to signal to this woman that she was totally violating my rules. I just miss him so much when I'm at work, it kills me. The fact that the way cute new mommy told me she was a SAHM and how it cut me to the core I was so jealous probably upped my psycho-possessiveness. Any way you slice it, I can come up with a million excuses, I was sooo jealous and sooo pissed. I finally managed to wrangle Cade away saying I better do a diaper check. Then I just walked him to the other side of the room, forgetting my lame excuse to cuddle my baby, and just held and rocked him and fell deep into our little world of Two.

Let this be a lesson. Respect Hold Time, and Mama Bear will respect you. Yes, I see my baby every day and get in hours of hold time, even when it's a workday. Will it ever be enough time? Even if I were a SAHM? There will never be enough time to hold and love my baby. In fact, I'm going to sign off, so I can steal him out of his crib and snuggle his Aveeno baby scented hair and velvety skin. Goodnight bloggies.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


I wish I had more time. So stream of thought blog, here we go. Feeling guilty about 80% of the day. Guilt over not having enough time at work, guilt at not being with Cade. Guilt over STILL not getting my appeal to insurance worked out. Guilt at not being there for my friends as much I used to. Guilt. Ugh. I hate guilt. I don't do well with any feeling less than "awesome". Guilt leads to pissy mommy when added with stress or bitches. Consider that your warning. Pissy plus lack of sleep equals tears. Again, you were warned.

Um, reallly I'm still in LOOOOOVE with my man. Does every parent over the world just look at their kid and think "I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life?" And then you think you're the most awesome person who possibly ever walked the earth because this little perfect gorgeous baby came from you? Okay, I thought so. Sometimes I'm looking at Cade and we're staring in the mirror at ourselves (we're working on self esteem at an early age, so far I think we've surpassed self esteem and now he's onto vanity, but whatev), so sometimes there we are looking at ourselves in the mirrors and I imagine a little mommy and son doing the same thing in Egypt. And then I imagine in India there is also a mommy and son also thinking they are the coolest, best people in the world. Isn't that funny? Surely at least one of us is wrong. At least that's what I tell myself. And usually it's the poor people on the other side of the world, not me and Cade.

This kid cracks me up. It's highly frustrating at times, but really when he's nursing sometimes I catch his eye and he stops and smiles at me and giggles, then goes back to eating. He's such a flirt. He does it over and over, like "Oh yeah, I love you Mommy", and a little milk dribbles out the side of his mouth while he's giving me this wide smile. It's a ridiculous situation, but I love it. Do all babies do that?

Food update: We're eating rice cereal at 9am now too! And also adding a fruit to dinner time rice cereal feeding. So far we've tried bananas, apples, and tonight- sweet potatoes. Sweet potatoes was the only thing that got a quasi-yuck face. Soon enough he got over it and grabbed my hand and pulled the spoon into his mouth. Little lover.

Anyways, I'm enjoying the last couple of days in his helmet. Monday is our big final day! He's so cute in the helmet, a few friends and I will miss it. I do love his hair that he's been working so hard on, but the helmet was much cuter than I had originally worried about. I'll miss all the friendly mommies knowingly smiling at us and telling me their babies had helmets too. Guess I'll join their ranks soon, and be sure to be super-encouraging to other plagio mommas out there.

Okay, this shortie turned into a longie. Now it's 10pm and time for bed.
later faithful bloggies. I hope all 3 of you are doing well:)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Rainy, rainy day!

Saturday, September 12th was a rainy, rainy day! Grammie (my Mom) and I took Cade to the mall, but had to pull over because the rain was so intense I could barely see. Nothing like driving towards 121 in a monsoon with your baby in the backseat!!

I'm so glad we pulled over because I was able to raise the baby shades and let Cade see the rain, he was so fascinated by it, the look on his face was so funny. The last pic doesn't even look like my baby, I've never seen wider eyes!

Once we got to the mall we had a good time. It was our last mall visit with the helmet on, so I made sure to be a good advocate and be proud of the helmet. We got stopped by a couple of moms whose babies had helmets and I was impressed with their round little heads years later. I hope when Cade gets it off his head looks normal and the derformations that were once noticeable on his face are gone. Hopefully we don't need another helmet.

Anyways, rainy days are fun days! Crowded malls and all.
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Friday, September 11, 2009

A Lambie Birthday

Hanging at a Very Lambie Birthday lunch celebrating Daddy, Papa, and Aunt Kelly.

Yep, those are baby's first Levi's. Note the red tab:)

Annnnnd we've discovered our toes. V. exciting. Yes, the current most
popular comment is "I wish I were that flexible!" Um, really people? You have
a need to suck your own toes? Hmmmm.....

Again, we're very serious about success with our toes.
No worries, the thumb and fist have not been forgotten as
fave objects to suck on/teethe on/grab in the gums of steel.
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9 DOC days!

Wow, 9 weeks flies when you're in a DOC band... um, okay, when your baby is in a DOC band. There were only maybe 30 sticker-less minutes total. I never put the pirate stickers on, for some reason I thought those would be cute and match his cute little "Argh" onesie, but that's just it. There's only one pirate onesie. We rocked stars, skater/rocker, puppies, Huskers, football, baseball, and stars again!

Just finished another week back to work. The labor day weekend was so amazing. I wanted to spend every spare second with Cade. It was easier to take a break from him when I was on maternity leave, it was a must-do to take care of myself. But now, Monday thru Friday, it's hard to commit myself to anything that takes me away from him. I want to enjoy a few hours of "me time", whether it's go to the gym, store, or dinner out without him. But I desperately need to be with him right now. It's so hard! Last night I had an amazingly yummy dinner with the girls, loved every minute, wanted to stay longer, everything was great! Then as soon as I got in the car I couldn't get home fast enough. Sure enough, I walk in the door and the house is silent. I totally missed him. Dinner, bath, rocking to sleep. All the best parts, I missed.

I did committ cardinal sin. I took the sleeping baby out of his crib and held him, talked to him, rocked him for 20 minutes in the nursery. Just me, love songs with Delilah, and my baby. Heaven! But the longer I rocked and spoke to him I started to get sad. Argh, there's nothing like the guilt trips I've put myself on since going back to work. I've never felt more guilty in my life, no matter what choice I make there's not time to give 110% to everything.

Picking him up from daycare is the best part of my day. I love the women who work there, they're all amazing and so sweet. You feel like they personally like you and your baby. I wonder if it's a rule there that they have to pour on the compliments to the baby when the mommy is around. Why does hearing how cute and precious and fun Cade is make me trust them so much more? Hm... I'm like, "YES! He is! You're right, you GET him!"

Yesterday I went to pick him up and he was not in the baby room. I kind of freaked. It was a looong 30 seconds before the director of the daycare came in holding him. Uh-oh! wtf?! She said "I was just taking Cade to visit the room next door. He is so funny, he's laughing out loud, real giggles, just cracking up!" and she looked at me so amazed. I must have looked like a total zombie mom, I was just like "Uh, yeah. He does that." I was so relieved that he was fine, more than fine, but I was also relieved that he didn't do something like walk or say his first word without me. Whew, laughing I'd already witnessed first. Thank God.

Can you imagine him doing something new at daycare? Without me? Without video?! Die. I would just die. I would take that baby into lockdown and not let him leave me for days. No ones going in, noones coming out. Yep. That's the plan. No new skills when Mommy's not there.

Anyways, life is good. It's Friday. It's before 10pm and I'm going to bed. Only way today is getting better is if someone brings me fried pickles and a chocolate malt.

Shout-outs to my top 3 readers: Amy, Melissa, and Aunt Kelly! love you ladies!

Monday, September 7, 2009

5 months old pics

September 7, 2009

Cade's fave new way to communicate: panting with excitement

Skills: Grab & hold, Toe sucking

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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

what is THAT about?!

Babies, I don't get 'em. Cade has started this new thing where he gets so excited about something that he kicks his legs ferociously, motors one arm around to slap whatever he's looking at or the air/floor/Bumbo around him, and starts panting. um, wtf?

So, being the special eddie that I am I wonder..."Is this baby Autism?" I rule it out when I realize he's not so much stimming on one or two specific things. And when I go check on him to make sure that panting is excitement related and not a serious breathing issue, I talk to him and he just stops and grins at me...almost as if to say "Yep, Mom, this mirror/rice cereal/picture is cool! Thanks for noticing too!" Okay, sharing a social situation. Ability to switch from object to human interaction. Maybe not baby Autism.

So then I wonder "Is he asthmatic? Oh God, that's it! Baby Asthma! Do they even MAKE baby inhalers?" Um, then I realize he's not turning blue or looking particularly panicked like it's a struggle to breathe. In fact, it's not so much a panting, but a rapid breathing in air with a slight vocalization to it. Okay, maybe not baby asthma.

I call my mom, who convinces me it's baby genius. This is why God made grandparents. You call them panicked thinking that your baby is dying and they convince you that your baby is a little Einstein.

Side note: It was the cutest thing ever during Cade's dinner tonight. He's sitting on the kitchen table in his Bumbo (with direct supervision, people, jeez calm down!) and I'm feeding him rice cereal. Nick walks in and Cade is immediately attracted to him. Nick leans down and gives him a big kiss on the forehead and you should have seen how adoringly this baby looked up at Nick and smiled. I made Nick do it three more times as I sat there with my sad little spoon of rice cereal, crying at how in love they are. It was so presh/beautiful/Kodak I can't even describe, but seeing my two men in love made me so happy. (hm, now there's a line you shouldn't take out of context)

Till later, goodnight dear bloggies. Maybe one day one of you will comment. Give a girl a little love.
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