What It's Like to Have a 3 year old Boy...

 

There was a time when we could not imagine our baby boy walking.
Had no idea what the sound of his voice would be like.
Or what types of things he would grow to love.

What is it like to have a 3 year old boy?
Lots of talk about Spiderman.
Sound effects of shooting webs and fighting bad guys.
All........Day.........Long.
Asking us "Who is that superguy?"
Not eating meals, instead trying to negotiate for his favorite snacks.
Spiderman Cheez-Its. Marshmallows. Grapes popsicles (frozen grapes). Chocy Milk. Popcorn.
Jumping up and down and flapping his arms when the popcorn pops.
Asking for his shows on the "teesee".
Jumping off the couch.
Army crawling on the floor.
Dinosaur stomping to bed.
Hiding.
Wanting to be covered by three of his thickest baby blankets at night.
Building tents from blankets to watch movies.
Bringing every stuffed animal from his room under the tent to watch the movie together.
Superhero Squad. Batman. Spectacular Spiderman.
And then today, Carebears.
Getting out of bed 2 times each night to go potty.
Getting out of bed one more time because he just needs one more hug.
The big fat bottom lip sticking out when he's in trouble.
Telling him not to smile and then getting the cutest case of the giggles.
Telling me I'm pretty when I'm doing my makeup.
Hugging my legs just because.
Running ahead of me in the mall then turning around and sprinting back to me with open arms and sweeping him up for a huge spin and hug.
Always making sure he gets kissed and hugged goodnight.
Buying "Monster Spray" at Bath and Body Works and getting two squirts each night: one under the bed and one in the closet.
Asking me if he can help me clean when I'm wiping down counters or dusting.
Asking for "A big chocy milk like you" and putting his hands up real high.
Seeing a cool place on tv or the computer and telling me, "I want to go there."
Putting on his Spiderman mask and shirt and telling me, "No worry. Spiderman Cade here to protect  you."

Always taking care of his dog Izzy.
Running to the hearth to protect his baby sister from falling down.
Introducing himself to strangers as "Cade Lamb, Big Brother"
Telling me "I love you too Mommy" when he catches me smiling at him.
Saying he wants to grow up to be Daddy.

My heart.
My son.

 

2 a.m.

My favorite time of the day is now smack in the middle of the night. We have SORT OF gotten a "sleep schedule" so now I can SORT OF predict the favorite time.

Side note: notice how it only took EIGHT DAMN WEEKS to establish something resembling a normal life? Notice how reluctant I was back there in the intro paragraph to use absolutes lest I jinx my "sort of schedule". You see, infants love you to fly by the seat of your pants. Hand over the keys, Momma, Baby is driving! Cross your fingers and hold your breath... I want this to stick. Um, okay, unless said infant decides to STTN, then that can stick. (what the F is "STTN", you ask? It's the holy grail, motha! Sleep Through The Night. Defined as 6-7 consecutive hours of sleepage for the Momma. Holy grail, lovers!)

Back to the topic at hand....2 a.m. is my fave time. I've just gotten five hours of consecutive sleep and so when Devyn cries, my aching chest longing to be relieved I am more than happy to cuddle her and nurse her in the most fab rocker glider of all time. A. It's pink B. It reclines. Your rocker can go suck it. So I nurse her, check Pinterest, play Words with Friends...it's bliss. I dream of her future and I get so excited for all the little things. Her first dance class. Putting her hair into pigtails the first time.

Seeing her sweet sleepy face all milk drunk I get super high on love. It's unreal. Her face is just so precious and it takes me back to my time when Cade was an infant and I'm in heaven. I gently kiss her head, say another prayer for her, and lay her back down in her bed. then I tiptoe into Cade's Room and see him sleeping soundly, occasionally talking or whimpering in his sleep. My God, how can I possibly love these two so much? I whisper affirmations in his ear, smell his hair (I'm creepy like that), and kiss his forehead. I go back into Devyn's room, kiss her again, and then tiptoe back down the hall. Praying to any God that will listen that they sleep 3 more hours. As I crawl in bed I lean over and kiss Nick and tell him I love him. Hell, I even grab the dog and cuddle her tight to my chest and tell her I love her too. Everyone in the house is perfect at 2 a.m. I always hope Nick will wake up so we can talk about all the ways I love the kids (never gets old, I adore being able to say "the kids"). He never wakes up enough. He mutters something that sounds close enough to "love you" that I curl up in the duvet and fall asleep.

I don't know what I did to deserve this life, but I'm loving it. Absolutely nothing goes unappreciated these days. Living full of gratitude is the light.

Rock-a-Bye

The clock says it's 1:48am. I hear the soft "click, click" and I feel perfect peace. In the soft light of my rock lamp I can't help but smile as my little bundle snuggles in my arms post feeding. Occasionally making little kitten noises as she stretches and snuggles back into the sweet spot at the crook of my arm. Heaven! I love it when a little dreamy giggle escapes her lips. Oh I would pay so much money to get a glimpse of her little newborn dreams. What makes her smile in her sleep? I am dying to know.

Part of me is distracted by the wonders of my late night Googling. Most of me is consumed in the perfect cuddle with my daughter. I am a recovering addict of the newborn cuddle. I had almost grown past this insatiable desire as Cade got to be an active wiggly toddler. Now I can't pick what I love more. Snuggling I'm. His twin bed. Hearing him say "'mon on, mommy" and pat is bed for me to "come on, lay down". Then reading him a story and having his little arm pull my neck in close to his and feel the pressure of our warm bodies, and hear our hearts beating together. ...ll. Or do I love this? Holding her close to me, milk drunk, smelling her downy peach fuzz head and kissing it all over without her waking up. Feeling so lucky when she curls her fingers around my pinkie. Now I'm getting my fix from two powerful drugs: son and daughter. Toddler and newborn.

I just came across a beautiful poem. An ode to a mother's rocking chair. Sounds silly, but it's beautiful. And perfect. And everything my life is right this moment. Thank you to Leslie, from aroomsomewhere.com for sharing this!

"Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.


Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peek-a-boo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo,
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).


The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

Little Buggy

My little buggy, my little love bug, my widdle man! I can't believe you are turning 2. I sit here crying just thinking about how I'm going to stop my heart from bursting (and trying to figure out how to balance a laptop around prego belly with kicks). If I'm having a hard time accepting that you are TWO, imagine the train wreck I will be when you go to kindergarten or off to college. I'm sorry sweetie, I thought I'd be the cool mom. I was just having a hard time thinking that soon you won't need me anymore. Which is silly, because only I understand your words, what you want, and only I look forward to diaper changes. Even the stinky ones where you say "poo poo" and hold your nose and say "yuck!". Gotta love it when we're on the same page. When I first laid eyes on you I couldn't say anything else besides "He's so beautiful. He's perfect" and Oh God, how you've lived those words every day of your life. I'm certain that no other mom just gets her breath taken away by her little man as much as I do when I look at you. Whenever I've had a dark moment, and there have been several since you've been born, you've lifted up this family and carried us through. As much as I hurt and regret at my Boppy and Uncle Steff not getting to see how amazingly perfect you are, I know that you have bits of their fun, smart, loving personalities in you and that makes you so special to me. Yesterday at daycare my heart broke when I could see you were sick and you burst into tears when you saw me. I loved it just a little because I am the same when I see the person who has come to take care of me when I don't feel well. All this talk about you growing up and you still need me! Amazing, and I love it! Tonight you fell asleep on my as I sang our song and it was so perfect. That's what I've been afraid was lost forever and tonight I got it back for a little bit. (um, thanks fever/viral infection!) I could rock you in my arms forever. I love you little boy, more than I can ever describe. Happy last day of being 1 year old! love, Mommy

Mix Tape

I'm clearly in love. You know when you're infatuated with someone when they consume your every thought, every breath you take is for them, and when you want to make them a mix tape. (No, I'm not actually talking cassettes here, but mix tape is what it is, mix CD just doesn't sound the same or give it that innocent '80s appeal). If you don't know what I'm talking about, get thee to Blockbuster and rent High Fidelity. It's Nick & I's movie. I even watched it while in labor, and it was when I discovered the greatness of Jack Black AND was at the height of my crush with John Cusak. Go see it. Great little rom com.

To quote Rob (John Cusak's character): Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing.

So when I was pregnant I started a list of songs that made me think of Cade, and after the first few months of knowing my little man and falling deeper in love, here it is. Mommy's Mix Tape for Cade.

1. Tim McGraw - It's your love - Sang this to him as his first lullaby his first night home from the hospital. Nick and I danced and cried by his crib and said "I can't believe we did it!"

2. Kenny Chesney - You Save Me - I love me some Kenny. I loved this song when were first talking about trying for a baby. It's for both my boys.

3. Darius Rucker - It Won't Be like this for long - I first heard this song on my first solo outing with Cade, driving to Target. Cried all the way there, horomonal nightmare that I was. But I have to listen to it, and I love it because I can't take one second with him for granted.

4. - Feels like home to me - Nick put this on a mix tape for me when we were dating.

5. Aerosmith - Don't wanna miss a thing - I heard this song in the car right after the dr appointment where we heard Cade's heartbeat for the first time. The part of the song "Lying close to you, Feeling your heart beating, And I'm wondering what you're dreaming, Wondering if it's me you're seeing" was playing at that moment. I felt so connected to my baby, it was an awesome moment.

6. Rascal Flatts - My Wish - I wouldn't be a good mom if I didn't identify with this song. Reminds me of my mother in law, she's such a good mom.

7. Trace Adkins - You're Gonna miss this.

8. Elton John - Blessed - Nick and I danced to this as our last song at our wedding. Back then it symbolized the next step in our lives, starting our family. Now we're making that dream come true. (God, I'm a HUGE sap. HUGE)

9. Plain White Tees - 1, 2, 3, 4 - During early morning and middle of the night feedings I would watch this on VH1, it felt meant to be. Those quiet times when it felt like only the 2 of us were awake in this world was such a bonding moment... just me and Cade, and this sweet song.

10. Steve Holy - Good Morning Beautiful - Another song I heard when Cade and I were on one of our first outings together. I was grieving for my grandmother, this song came on, and I realized that I had a beautiful boy and a beautiful reason to keep on and appreciate life. Every day waking up to him is a beautiful day.


In my mind Cade will take these songs with him on his first campout, to college, and maybe we'll dance to one of them at his wedding one day. Just so long as he knows that his mommy loves him. Lesson: You're never too old to make a mix tape.