I wish I had more time. So stream of thought blog, here we go. Feeling guilty about 80% of the day. Guilt over not having enough time at work, guilt at not being with Cade. Guilt over STILL not getting my appeal to insurance worked out. Guilt at not being there for my friends as much I used to. Guilt. Ugh. I hate guilt. I don't do well with any feeling less than "awesome". Guilt leads to pissy mommy when added with stress or bitches. Consider that your warning. Pissy plus lack of sleep equals tears. Again, you were warned.
Um, reallly I'm still in LOOOOOVE with my man. Does every parent over the world just look at their kid and think "I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life?" And then you think you're the most awesome person who possibly ever walked the earth because this little perfect gorgeous baby came from you? Okay, I thought so. Sometimes I'm looking at Cade and we're staring in the mirror at ourselves (we're working on self esteem at an early age, so far I think we've surpassed self esteem and now he's onto vanity, but whatev), so sometimes there we are looking at ourselves in the mirrors and I imagine a little mommy and son doing the same thing in Egypt. And then I imagine in India there is also a mommy and son also thinking they are the coolest, best people in the world. Isn't that funny? Surely at least one of us is wrong. At least that's what I tell myself. And usually it's the poor people on the other side of the world, not me and Cade.
This kid cracks me up. It's highly frustrating at times, but really when he's nursing sometimes I catch his eye and he stops and smiles at me and giggles, then goes back to eating. He's such a flirt. He does it over and over, like "Oh yeah, I love you Mommy", and a little milk dribbles out the side of his mouth while he's giving me this wide smile. It's a ridiculous situation, but I love it. Do all babies do that?
Food update: We're eating rice cereal at 9am now too! And also adding a fruit to dinner time rice cereal feeding. So far we've tried bananas, apples, and tonight- sweet potatoes. Sweet potatoes was the only thing that got a quasi-yuck face. Soon enough he got over it and grabbed my hand and pulled the spoon into his mouth. Little lover.
Anyways, I'm enjoying the last couple of days in his helmet. Monday is our big final day! He's so cute in the helmet, a few friends and I will miss it. I do love his hair that he's been working so hard on, but the helmet was much cuter than I had originally worried about. I'll miss all the friendly mommies knowingly smiling at us and telling me their babies had helmets too. Guess I'll join their ranks soon, and be sure to be super-encouraging to other plagio mommas out there.
Okay, this shortie turned into a longie. Now it's 10pm and time for bed.
later faithful bloggies. I hope all 3 of you are doing well:)
I hate to tell you that the guilt doesn't go away....even when your baby has her own baby. However, on the upside--your heart really can expand with lots more love. Love for your own babies, and love for their babies. Being a mommy is fantastic; being a grammie is indescribably delicious! The rush of feelings you have for the new little lambie as well as the rush of feelings/memories you have from when your own were that age. It's a double whammie for this grammie.
ReplyDelete