mommyhood = the big education

After last post's incredible amount of optimism and sappiness, I've got to keep it real this time. I admit, I've had some mommy freak-outs. Is it infant acne or is it viral rash? Why is one ear bigger than the other? I've changed your diaper, fed you, given you the binky, why are you still fussing? Oh shit, you slept 5 hours in a row---are you alive?!

I don't know when it happened, but I think my guardian angel, or maybe Cade's guardian angel, spoke to me. All of the sudden I just had this thought, "This is how you learn. Let the baby teach you how to be a mother to him." Since then each little behavior is a clue and I'm trying to piece them together to figure him out so next time I have a game plan. I've learned: Panic = bad, Game Plan = good.

Other Things I've Learned So Far:
1. Babies don't sleep in. Get up at 7am with him, feed him, then feed yourself and enjoy some coffee while he enjoys his swing. I'm SO loving my coffee and newspaper time when typically I would be teaching math.
2. Diaper bag must include: diapers in the right size (oops)
3. Use a burp cloth when you burp the baby (um, yeah...acidy milk smell on clothes = rank)
4. EVERYWHERE is sold out of the MAM pacifiers size 0-2 months, so it is now my life's mission to not lose the binkies
5. Pooping up the back is real. Removing a onesie after baby has pooped up the back without
creating a "poop all over his face" situation is a fine art.
6. Going out with friends is a must! Remembering I'm a girl and that eyeliner and high heels are still acceptable accessories for a mom is a must.

So last night I had my first beer in almost a year (sweet, sweet Corona Light) AND fit into my Rock & Republics (despite the post-preg muffin top) AND high heels (bye-bye cankles!) AND hit up McKinney Avenue with friends. It felt good to remember that I'm still a girlfriend and can have fun hanging out without baby. After I dropped off the girls, however, I could not get home fast enough. It took me about 10 minutes to realize I could stop driving 5 mph below the speed limit because there was no infant in the car. I sped 5 mph over the speed limit to get home to Cade. When I made it in the door I kicked off those heels and ran to him.

When he heard my voice he smiled and that binky fell out of his mouth. It took a few seconds, but he did turn his head to me and kept smiling and cooing for me. Now I know how good it must feel for Nick to come home and get that love. And that makes lesson #7. You do have to go away for a little while, to enjoy the sweet moments you get when you come home.