2 weeks until D-day!

With only 14 days to go until Due Date, I've had some more crazy prego urges. I'm not feeling shameful AT ALL so, I'll share. I'll color code the urges so you know which ones I've acted upon. Green = yes, I did it.
Yellow = I acted upon a compromised version of the urge
Red = no, not yet at least

1. When a stranger asks when I'm due I feel the urge to act pissed and say "Wtf? Are you saying I'm fat??!" I have actually said "How can you tell?" But then I felt like a bitchy geek. Not clever.

2. I've been catching other women staring at me, sizing up my belly and ass and probably doing the mental math in their head to guess how far along I am. Unless you're also pregnant, this is unacceptable. The urge would be to backhand them and yell "take a picture it lasts longer!"

3. While waiting for a table at a restaurant or in a long line at the store I feel like people should let me cut to the front of the line. I know, that's border line milking it too much... So I stand with my belly out and hands on my lower back (the mental picture is absurd, I know) But I haven't actually ASKED anyone to let me cut, so I'm not totally psycho, right?

4. Shamelessly chatting about pregnancy and babies. Pre-pregnancy I absolutely loathed any conversation about the pregnant body or babies. (unless someone accidentally got knocked up, that's good juice no matter when) But now, whether you're a stranger or well meaning friend asking me "How do I feel?" I will start off cool, just say "Good, thanks" But if you dare ask me another question or probe further, be prepared for me to unleash whatever is on my pregnant mind. I absolutely can't control myself. The embarassing part is that I understand it's uncool to blab on and on and on, but if you're acting interested, I am MORE than happy to share any details of my current state from sappy to sordid. If I actually got a penny for my thoughts I'd be loaded.

5. People should be gentle with pregnant women. I don't think it's worth the risk to roll your eyes, act superior, or otherwise engage in rude behavior when the person you are talking to is 9 months pregnant. Seriously? Why would you mess with me? Is it not clear I'm carrying the miracle of life? Alright then, don't cut in front of me when I'm walking by in the store. Allow the larger vehicle to pass, right? Again, I've wanted to yell "SERIOUSLY?!!" Instead, I sigh and roll my eyes at your back. (this makes be a big person. I know)