Wow...wtf, tomorrow is d-day! That's insane!!! How do I calm myself down and get back to Zen when one of the best OB's in Dallas has been predicting for months that tomorrow is d-day? Aside from watching the alien rolls Cade is doing in my tummy and freaking out Nick and the dog (thanks for the memories Cade, lets consider this our first prank on Daddy!) I am doing what I can to stay calm, cool, and collected.
Strategies for being Zen:
1. yoga breathing. think of my guru, Steve Ross (you can check him out at 5am on Oxygen channel, I love him! He makes pervy comments during yoga if you catch them---love it)
2. eat a chicken nugget happy meal. (only have your husband super size it)
3. call mommy
4. sit in the rocker in the nursery, holding Izzy, singing Tim McGraw
5. update to-do list, because if my life is busy then Cade can't come for another few days
I know it's crazy, but I want another day with my students. I can't bring myself to say goodbye to them just yet, I love these kids! I know I'll go back to work after maternity leave, but still... it's hard to say goodbye. They're irrestible (well... the majority of them:)
Also I want another day or two to enjoy being pregnant. I love having Cade all to myself. Everyone is going to want to hold him when he comes out, and that's not fair. He's mine. Don't touch. Just tell me he's pretty and keep on moving. haha. Okay, tell me I'm pretty too.
Seriously, I might just miss feeling him in me. I've never been more certain there is a God and that this life is meant to be good. It's amazing and I can't quite get enough of it. I like that I'm the first and only one to know what's going on with him. When he's 18 and running around God knows where I'll miss that. I like that he's all mine and I'm all his. (You knew I'm selfish, now you know just how much.)
So I'll end with a message to my baby... Stay with Mommy for just a little while longer. Lets keep cuddling and I promise to rub your little basketball body all the time and talk to you all day long. I just need a few more days to love on you and live in this secret world just the two of us. I love you, kid.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
update from the dr.
I just got back from my weekly dr visit. I am 1cm dilated! This still means that Cade could come any minute. The dr won't let me go 2 weeks past my due date, he said there's really no reason to, the baby would just keep getting bigger and bigger. Since I have no desire to set records for delivering a ginormous child, I'm cool with that philosophy.
So dr said the next step is for Nick and I to pick a date to induce. He then just kind of looked at me and said "So, what do you think?" I said, "Sounds good". (happy oblivious pregnant lady) Dr said, "So, what date do you want?" Ohhhhhhhhh, you mean I get to pick my son's potential birthdate right NOW? Hmmm.... So after leaving the office and talking to Nick we decided to give Cade another week past his due date, we tried for April 8th. (8 is secretely one of my lucky/favorite numbers, also my numerology number) Apparently picking your child's birthday isn't as easy as it appears, you pretty much get stuck with what's open. So unless I want to have a 5:00am appointment on the 8th, we'll be inducing on April 7th.
At this point as long he's healthy and ready to come, then we're ready for him. There's so much I can't wait for, to see Nick looking at Cade for the first time, to see Cade in my dad's arms, to walk in the house holding my baby. It really makes that fear of delivery go away. I'm still feeling pretty Zen most of the time. Yoga breathing and Cade's sonogram picture help any anxiety.
Life is a surprise, I'll just wait to see what God has in store for us!
Thank you so much for your prayers and good thoughts! -hilary
So dr said the next step is for Nick and I to pick a date to induce. He then just kind of looked at me and said "So, what do you think?" I said, "Sounds good". (happy oblivious pregnant lady) Dr said, "So, what date do you want?" Ohhhhhhhhh, you mean I get to pick my son's potential birthdate right NOW? Hmmm.... So after leaving the office and talking to Nick we decided to give Cade another week past his due date, we tried for April 8th. (8 is secretely one of my lucky/favorite numbers, also my numerology number) Apparently picking your child's birthday isn't as easy as it appears, you pretty much get stuck with what's open. So unless I want to have a 5:00am appointment on the 8th, we'll be inducing on April 7th.
At this point as long he's healthy and ready to come, then we're ready for him. There's so much I can't wait for, to see Nick looking at Cade for the first time, to see Cade in my dad's arms, to walk in the house holding my baby. It really makes that fear of delivery go away. I'm still feeling pretty Zen most of the time. Yoga breathing and Cade's sonogram picture help any anxiety.
Life is a surprise, I'll just wait to see what God has in store for us!
Thank you so much for your prayers and good thoughts! -hilary
Friday, March 27, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
fire drill
It's 1:45pm, I'm at my desk finishing up my planning period (obsessing over how anyone can possibly do my job the fabulous way I can--- the superiority complex I'll deal with later) and nightmare of nightmares, the fire alarm goes off.
First thought: wtf? I didn't know we were having a drill today. Oh crap, what if it's real?! What if I go into labor in a field behind the school? What if the building is on fire, how fast can I waddle out of here?
Second thought: Grab cell phone. Grab the "runner" from my teammate as today is the first day she is working with him.
Student and I hold hands and begin our way to the exit. I grab walkie talkie. Now juggling walkie talkie, cell phone, Student, and Cade as I speed waddle out the door. Teammate is rounding up the rest of team and nonverbal students with Autism. Oh, minor detail: It's the Monday after Spring Break, the kids are quasi-crazy.
We make it down the hall and out the door. Here's a fun rule, during fire drills the safety peeps at Admin came up with the clever rule that we need to practice taking the students 200 feet away from the building. This means we are headed into the field behind the school.
Student is hopping, jumping, flapping, laughing as I casually hold onto the back of his shirt. He didn't want to hold my hand because we've trained him so well to independently walk with his hands behind his back like a big boy. I realize I don't want to chance him running and tell him "Hold my hand".
Big Mistake! Turns out he was onto my game and took off down the hill towards the alley and nearby houses. I waddle run, knees closed to prevent giving birth, holding onto Cade for dear life. It occurs to me as I near the end of the hill to yell "I can't run! Somebody grab that kid!"
So glad my teammates' supervisor was visiting and was the closest adult to grab him. Niiiice. My other teammate kicks off her platforms and runs for Student. My teammate and about 4 other teachers yell "Hilary, don't run!!"
Luckily I didn't give birth. Luckily my water didn't break. Amazingly at my dr appt that afternoon I learn that I'm not even dilated. I guess Cade is holding on to be my April Fool. He is the ultimate teammate in my life these past 9 months. Yesterday proves we can survive anything! I've never been more relieved to hear his heartbeat. Next pregnancy, I am buying the home heartbeat monitor kit. $39 for piece of mind is a small price to pay.
Keep the prayers coming! The next few weeks should be the most interesting of Nick and I's lives.
First thought: wtf? I didn't know we were having a drill today. Oh crap, what if it's real?! What if I go into labor in a field behind the school? What if the building is on fire, how fast can I waddle out of here?
Second thought: Grab cell phone. Grab the "runner" from my teammate as today is the first day she is working with him.
Student and I hold hands and begin our way to the exit. I grab walkie talkie. Now juggling walkie talkie, cell phone, Student, and Cade as I speed waddle out the door. Teammate is rounding up the rest of team and nonverbal students with Autism. Oh, minor detail: It's the Monday after Spring Break, the kids are quasi-crazy.
We make it down the hall and out the door. Here's a fun rule, during fire drills the safety peeps at Admin came up with the clever rule that we need to practice taking the students 200 feet away from the building. This means we are headed into the field behind the school.
Student is hopping, jumping, flapping, laughing as I casually hold onto the back of his shirt. He didn't want to hold my hand because we've trained him so well to independently walk with his hands behind his back like a big boy. I realize I don't want to chance him running and tell him "Hold my hand".
Big Mistake! Turns out he was onto my game and took off down the hill towards the alley and nearby houses. I waddle run, knees closed to prevent giving birth, holding onto Cade for dear life. It occurs to me as I near the end of the hill to yell "I can't run! Somebody grab that kid!"
So glad my teammates' supervisor was visiting and was the closest adult to grab him. Niiiice. My other teammate kicks off her platforms and runs for Student. My teammate and about 4 other teachers yell "Hilary, don't run!!"
Luckily I didn't give birth. Luckily my water didn't break. Amazingly at my dr appt that afternoon I learn that I'm not even dilated. I guess Cade is holding on to be my April Fool. He is the ultimate teammate in my life these past 9 months. Yesterday proves we can survive anything! I've never been more relieved to hear his heartbeat. Next pregnancy, I am buying the home heartbeat monitor kit. $39 for piece of mind is a small price to pay.
Keep the prayers coming! The next few weeks should be the most interesting of Nick and I's lives.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
10 days!
I can't believe it's almost my due date, April 1st! Every little change in my mood or twinge in my body sets me off a rollercoaster or worry or excitement. It's like I'm reliving the days when we were trying to get pregnant, that "Am I?" feeling all over again, only this time it's more "Is he coming?" [pause for Braxton Hicks contraction]
The nursery is ready to go! I just need to go buy a baby swing and a little tummy-time gym mat, the 2 toys that Cade needs because he'll be able to play with them right away. Also on the checklist is to clean bottles and clear out a cabinet in the kitchen for baby gear. I was a good girl and had a wild Saturday night of washing baby clothes and blankets and booties in Dreft. I think that's the last time laundry will ever be so fun and cute. Every little baby sock I folded I had to comment on in obnoxious baby voice "Aw, it's just a widdle sockie for da babyyyyy!!" while listening to the lullaby cd and trying to memorize lyrics to Hush Little Baby. (yep, still not sure what comes after the diamond ring part)
I'm feeling really happy and excited, just praying that Cade is healthy and makes it 10 more days to fully grow and develop before he comes. I was a 10 month baby (pretty normal for my family's side I guess) so I hope Cade hangs out a little longer. I need a few more days to check things off my baby and work to-do lists... thanks for your prayers and good thoughts!
love,
Hilary
The nursery is ready to go! I just need to go buy a baby swing and a little tummy-time gym mat, the 2 toys that Cade needs because he'll be able to play with them right away. Also on the checklist is to clean bottles and clear out a cabinet in the kitchen for baby gear. I was a good girl and had a wild Saturday night of washing baby clothes and blankets and booties in Dreft. I think that's the last time laundry will ever be so fun and cute. Every little baby sock I folded I had to comment on in obnoxious baby voice "Aw, it's just a widdle sockie for da babyyyyy!!" while listening to the lullaby cd and trying to memorize lyrics to Hush Little Baby. (yep, still not sure what comes after the diamond ring part)
I'm feeling really happy and excited, just praying that Cade is healthy and makes it 10 more days to fully grow and develop before he comes. I was a 10 month baby (pretty normal for my family's side I guess) so I hope Cade hangs out a little longer. I need a few more days to check things off my baby and work to-do lists... thanks for your prayers and good thoughts!
love,
Hilary
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
2 weeks until D-day!
With only 14 days to go until Due Date, I've had some more crazy prego urges. I'm not feeling shameful AT ALL so, I'll share. I'll color code the urges so you know which ones I've acted upon. Green = yes, I did it.
Yellow = I acted upon a compromised version of the urge
Red = no, not yet at least
1. When a stranger asks when I'm due I feel the urge to act pissed and say "Wtf? Are you saying I'm fat??!" I have actually said "How can you tell?" But then I felt like a bitchy geek. Not clever.
2. I've been catching other women staring at me, sizing up my belly and ass and probably doing the mental math in their head to guess how far along I am. Unless you're also pregnant, this is unacceptable. The urge would be to backhand them and yell "take a picture it lasts longer!"
3. While waiting for a table at a restaurant or in a long line at the store I feel like people should let me cut to the front of the line. I know, that's border line milking it too much... So I stand with my belly out and hands on my lower back (the mental picture is absurd, I know) But I haven't actually ASKED anyone to let me cut, so I'm not totally psycho, right?
4. Shamelessly chatting about pregnancy and babies. Pre-pregnancy I absolutely loathed any conversation about the pregnant body or babies. (unless someone accidentally got knocked up, that's good juice no matter when) But now, whether you're a stranger or well meaning friend asking me "How do I feel?" I will start off cool, just say "Good, thanks" But if you dare ask me another question or probe further, be prepared for me to unleash whatever is on my pregnant mind. I absolutely can't control myself. The embarassing part is that I understand it's uncool to blab on and on and on, but if you're acting interested, I am MORE than happy to share any details of my current state from sappy to sordid. If I actually got a penny for my thoughts I'd be loaded.
5. People should be gentle with pregnant women. I don't think it's worth the risk to roll your eyes, act superior, or otherwise engage in rude behavior when the person you are talking to is 9 months pregnant. Seriously? Why would you mess with me? Is it not clear I'm carrying the miracle of life? Alright then, don't cut in front of me when I'm walking by in the store. Allow the larger vehicle to pass, right? Again, I've wanted to yell "SERIOUSLY?!!" Instead, I sigh and roll my eyes at your back. (this makes be a big person. I know)
Yellow = I acted upon a compromised version of the urge
Red = no, not yet at least
1. When a stranger asks when I'm due I feel the urge to act pissed and say "Wtf? Are you saying I'm fat??!" I have actually said "How can you tell?" But then I felt like a bitchy geek. Not clever.
2. I've been catching other women staring at me, sizing up my belly and ass and probably doing the mental math in their head to guess how far along I am. Unless you're also pregnant, this is unacceptable. The urge would be to backhand them and yell "take a picture it lasts longer!"
3. While waiting for a table at a restaurant or in a long line at the store I feel like people should let me cut to the front of the line. I know, that's border line milking it too much... So I stand with my belly out and hands on my lower back (the mental picture is absurd, I know) But I haven't actually ASKED anyone to let me cut, so I'm not totally psycho, right?
4. Shamelessly chatting about pregnancy and babies. Pre-pregnancy I absolutely loathed any conversation about the pregnant body or babies. (unless someone accidentally got knocked up, that's good juice no matter when) But now, whether you're a stranger or well meaning friend asking me "How do I feel?" I will start off cool, just say "Good, thanks" But if you dare ask me another question or probe further, be prepared for me to unleash whatever is on my pregnant mind. I absolutely can't control myself. The embarassing part is that I understand it's uncool to blab on and on and on, but if you're acting interested, I am MORE than happy to share any details of my current state from sappy to sordid. If I actually got a penny for my thoughts I'd be loaded.
5. People should be gentle with pregnant women. I don't think it's worth the risk to roll your eyes, act superior, or otherwise engage in rude behavior when the person you are talking to is 9 months pregnant. Seriously? Why would you mess with me? Is it not clear I'm carrying the miracle of life? Alright then, don't cut in front of me when I'm walking by in the store. Allow the larger vehicle to pass, right? Again, I've wanted to yell "SERIOUSLY?!!" Instead, I sigh and roll my eyes at your back. (this makes be a big person. I know)
Saturday, March 7, 2009
expiration dates...
So, I've had this thing since I saw the two lines telling me I'm pregnant. It's an obsession with expiration dates. One of my former students' mom confessed she also had a similar obsession, so I figured it wasn't too strange to blog about.
Ever since becoming pregnant and getting that April 1st 2009 due date, I've paid much more attention to expiration dates than I used to. At first I thought it was responsible mommy instinct kicking in, not wanting to poison my unborn child with food that's past due. (You'd think most people are just this responsible enough without the excuse of protecting a fetus, but then again I'm the girl who thought 4 day old pizza was safe and ended up in ER with e coli)
I've been getting my thrills lately from finding food products with expiration dates that occur after Cade's due date. I dub my life in 2 categories now: B.C. (Before Cade) and A.C. (After Cade). That's not too blasphemous to get kicked by karma, right? Anyways, each time I find a new expiration date that is A.C., I get so excited. It was pretty exhilarating to find my first RERIGERATED food product that was going to be good even when Cade is here. Green olives. Yes!! Cade could eat these! (Not that we'll be past a liquid diet in June...)
I know when the milk's expiration date is A.C. it will be the ultimate satisfaction. I'll be so close to meeting and holding my son! That milk will be some of the most special milk ever. I might just have to save the empty carton for Cade's memory box. I'll let you know when that day comes. Until then, I'm 24 days and counting!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
happy girl
I'm a happy girl today. I took the day off so I could catch up on sleep. The last couple of weeks I've been struggling to make it through a night ---sometimes discomfort and sometimes just staying awake thinking about things. I slept so good last night, woke up ready to go and just enjoy the day!
The weather is GORGEOUS! Stunning and so inspiring. I'm so excited to have a spring baby and hang out with Cade. He's going to be my best friend. I can't wait! Well, seriously, I can wait...hoping to make it just past that April 1st date.
Things that make a great day off:
1. sleeping well
2. hot fresh bagels
3. 80 degree weather & open windows
4. a DVR full of my favorite shows
5. a great night of tv lined up
6. leftover baby shower cake!
The weather is GORGEOUS! Stunning and so inspiring. I'm so excited to have a spring baby and hang out with Cade. He's going to be my best friend. I can't wait! Well, seriously, I can wait...hoping to make it just past that April 1st date.
Things that make a great day off:
1. sleeping well
2. hot fresh bagels
3. 80 degree weather & open windows
4. a DVR full of my favorite shows
5. a great night of tv lined up
6. leftover baby shower cake!
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