the suspense....

For whatever reason, I managed to find the only doctor in the Metroplex that waits until 20 weeks for the first sonogram. At first I was totally cool with missing out on the uh, "internal" sonogram tool, but now, damnit, I want my peanut picture!!!

I always just did the standard "Ooh Ahh" when I saw a sonogram pic. Really I could unplug my tv cable and see the same thing, it's just black and white fuzz to me. Things change when you've got this life inside you, and your emotions are all over the place. Sometimes I feel so connected to this little life, and other times I'm certain I'm just a part of a big science experiment, growing this little alien child. I've totally reached the point where I'm just so excited to meet this little baby person (and I refuse to call the baby "it", so I'm stuck with words like "little baby person"). I have nine days until we find out if we're having a boy or a girl... the suspense is killing me!

I have reserves of love just waiting to ooze out all over as soon as I can imagine my child more specifically. Also, I'm a planner.

I need to know the gender to determine some very important things:
a. nursery decor (duh)
b. pick a name!!
c. should I imagine her first shiny black tap shoes or his muddy black cleats?

These are the things I'm honestly thinking about, I've gotta know NOW! I've been on so many pregnancy websites taking online tests to determine if we've got a boy or a girl... Lots of the tests say girl, but now people look at my belly and say "Boy". Who to believe? I'm just so excited, it's like seeing all your presents under the tree and waiting for a year before you get to open them. I can't wait!!!

Oh, and to those of you who ask "Do you just have a feeling you know what it is? What do you think you're having?" I don't know, my gut feeling changes from day to day! I hate being wrong... I wish I could keep up the front that I am THAT connected on a deeper level to my child that I know what it is before the dr tells me. I'm not that cool.

We ate dinner at Cheddar's last night, and as I was in the bathroom I asked fate to give me a clue to the gender. I said to myself, Okay- if this song says the word "love" then it's a girl. All of the sudden, I notice the blue paint on the walls and the song mentions being blue, IT'S A BOY! Then the song proceeds to say "I love, love you"... IT's A GIRL?? I get these mixed messages all the time. Nothing to go on, right? Here I am, in the place where I met my husband, the father of my child, and no dice.

So, the wait continues. 9 days...