I can't believe it's been so long... I don't know why blogging has me sad right now. I guess I just need to put the hard stuff out there so I can continue with the fun, lighthearted blogs. It's been 2 weeks tomorrow since my favorite (and by favorite it's because I see him the most, know him the best, etc) uncle passed away.
We had a really great fall, went to the arboreteum for his 60th birthday, got him well enough to come to Thanksgiving at our house with our families, and hung out with his brother, my other uncle (both mom's brothers) again. Then things just happened so quickly. For that I'm thankful and for that I'm still shocked.
My Uncle Steff was diagnosed with lung cancer four years ago. Nope, not a smoker, thank God. The journey could have been very different had that been the case. He and my aunt have this beautiful relationship, very real, but very loving, always so openly appreciative of each other even when the other wasn't present. For that I chose not to toss my bouquet at my wedding, but rather present it to my aunt. I'm so lucky to have her, she's an inspiring woman. Loves yoga, her husband, her son, and my favorite thing of all --- she always makes you feel like you're amazing and so special. God, even as people called and came over to visit my uncle in his final days and hours, she took time to tell each person how special they were to my uncle and to the family and something unique about themselves. Anyways, words can't say how in awe I've been of her. I'm lucky to have her among my role models.
Cade came with me to their house two weeks ago to be with the family. This child has pulled us through the neck deep mud that has been our grief this year. He's our hope and our light...He's our concrete proof that life is good. God is good. Good things do continue to happen in this world. Even when you can't make sense of the bad, and you want desperately to hate God and blame Him, you can't. You can't deny that God is good when you look at a baby. Life just sucks sometimes... I have to find ways sometimes to teach that to my students. I know that sounds insane, and why the hell do I have to teach that...but that's just the first part of the lesson, the little part that once you can get past you have to teach and practice the second part, which is "Move along". The journey doesn't stop. One of my favorite songs is "Move Along" by the All-American Rejects...The part I have to repeat to myself is "When all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do. And even when your hope is gone, move along move along just to make it through". And after you get past that step, you continue to step 3, which is to Find the Good. Find the Good starts with going through the motions, living in denial for awhile, then accepting the truth behind the grief (don't get confused and accept the grief, that's not okay...you need to accept the TRUTH. My uncle died) At the core of that truth you find your peace. You find why that truth has to be okay for you. And having Peace is the key to opening the door to Good. Find Good again. Feeling good, doing good, having good times. Sure, the sad times are going to come back. Yep, you'll be surprised and it will take your breath away, then you rinse & repeat the process. (um, okay, I don't get too deep with the explain when I'm working with students through their problems. We do Step 1 - Move Along, Step 2 - Find the Good)
I lived this process so soon after Cade was born it was almost dangerous. My beloved, my beloved grandmother, the woman I called my idol died five days after Cade was born. Easter night. I was pretty pissed that I didn't get to bring Cade to meet her. But in the weeks that I muddled through this process, all the while Cade pulling me through it in fast cycles of Finding Good and falling back into my grief...I learned. I learned that the longer I can Find Good, the sweeter "New Normal" becomes. I could go on and on, and I'm no expert on this...unfortunately 2009 made me learn how to handle the death of a loved one.
So to end this sad note, and before I sign off to go to bed, I turn to music again. I put on Elton John's "Blessed" and I make a promise to myself and to Cade "to be blessed, to have the best, to pick a star from the sky.... to be blessed...." Tonight I turned off the tv, I held Cade til he slept and stared at the Christmas tree. Its colorful lights in the dark room the perfect illustration for the darkness of grief and the brightness wonder of what the future will hold. My grandmother had made a pillow that my mom had, and that I took to college with me, and which now rests on the rocker in Cade's nursery... "The Best is Yet to Come", as hard as that is to think about, I have to hope...Because the past with my family was pretty damn awesome, I can only imagine what God has in store next.
peace, hope, and blessings to you,
love, me
Goodnight bloggies.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
8 month pics!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Weekend Update in pics
Friday night: Saw A Christmas Carol 3D with the whole family, then came back to Grammie and Grandaddy's house to play with their new puppy, Tessie. Cade wasn't too aware of her, just cracked us up at his hamming for the camera. He watches for the camera, looks away and stops smiling when we put the camera down but grins and holds it as long as the camera is pointed at him. It's so ridiculous, but luckily we get good pics from his vanity! (Side note: First school picture came back, pretty cute, going to have to scan it in so you can see!)
Teething toy wins out over puppy time.
He also had a trip to the dr Saturday morning for urgent care. We got a scary note from daycare saying another kid had RSV, if you google it says the 3 dreadful words "fatal in infants". Of course the damn symptoms are runny nose, cough, congestion. Um, hello! Kiddo has had those symptoms for WEEKS, cough just started howev and it sounded wet and with the trouble sleeping we decided to play it safe and get him checked. No RSV, yay! But we did leave with first ear infection diagnosis. Um, huh? He hasn't been obnoxiously fussy as we've heard babies get, so it was a little surprising. Apparently drainage from runny nose can get backed up and infected. Or something like that. Just an excuse for him to taste pink fruity bubblegummy Amoxycillin and wear cute hats. I'll take it! 
Poor little ears. Anyhoo, sleeping a bit better with the meds. Hasn't affected him too much! I guess the exciting weekend got to us, b/c I was rewarded with 2 big morning naps both Saturday and Sunday --- score! Check out the sweet nap I had with my babies on the couch this morning. Jealous, yes?!
Saturday: Cade is 7 months old today! He dressed up in big boy clothes and hung out on his Lightning McQueen push car. The sound effects are pretty bad A, he loves it! I adore the focused face below. (and a pic that shows his true hair color! NOT a red head -- yet anyways:)
I had to hold his sign so he woudn't eat it/tear it/attack it (see last month). Good milestones on this bday! He tried a sippy cup of water today. Semi-able to hold it himself. V excited by teething opportunites the sippy spout offers. ALSO, Cade has started waving more consistently and frequently now. It's an open and close of the right hand, pointed towards himself, but he does do it in response to another wave and a "Hi Cade!"
Poor little ears. Anyhoo, sleeping a bit better with the meds. Hasn't affected him too much! I guess the exciting weekend got to us, b/c I was rewarded with 2 big morning naps both Saturday and Sunday --- score! Check out the sweet nap I had with my babies on the couch this morning. Jealous, yes?!Sunday, November 1, 2009
Happy Halloween!
We had THE Best Halloween Ev-er!
After Friday's Fall Festival at daycare, Cade was ready to rock his lion costume again. This time the whole family joined in. I was Dorothy, Nick was the Scarecrow, Izzy was Toto, and Cade was the Friendly Lion. (No coward here!) Our parents came over for pizza and to hang out. Special kudos to Izzy for hopping right in the basket and sitting perfectly for almost a whole ten minutes! We think she was excited to be a part of the action, and maybe after seeing Cade in his infant carrier she was glad to finally get a special basket ot be carried in. She's the best dog! Anyways, here are some pics from the night!
After Friday's Fall Festival at daycare, Cade was ready to rock his lion costume again. This time the whole family joined in. I was Dorothy, Nick was the Scarecrow, Izzy was Toto, and Cade was the Friendly Lion. (No coward here!) Our parents came over for pizza and to hang out. Special kudos to Izzy for hopping right in the basket and sitting perfectly for almost a whole ten minutes! We think she was excited to be a part of the action, and maybe after seeing Cade in his infant carrier she was glad to finally get a special basket ot be carried in. She's the best dog! Anyways, here are some pics from the night!
After the trick or treaters left (we had our standard 25 kids come---best costume of the night was the 3 year old little penguin, best group of the night were the kids who said "Trick or Treat! Happy Halloween! Merry Christmas! Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Hannukah!" They left quickly after Nick and I told them "Happy Martin Luther King Day! Happy Veteran's Day!" That sufficiently stumped them and they took their 3 candy bars each and left. Not so clever now, Mr. Incredible, eh?!
Grandma Lolli was so excited to babysit, so we packed him an overnight bag in case we got brave enough to leave him the whole night (and by brave we are referring to us missing hims!) and dropped him off. SOMEONE never got directions to his friend's house for the party, so we headed out for a date night instead. Um, crazy awkwardness when we walk into the bar and rollerboy skates up to us, pelvis pushed out and welcomes us in. Create this visual image fellow bloggies: Man, 6 ft tall (in rollerblades), 195 lbs, full white spandex bodysuit with sequins on chest, now refresh the image of the white spandex to include nearly sheer. Yep, we were able to verify that he was only wearing a jockstrap under that getup. And thus, the textbook definition of TMI.
We had a blast just being the 2 of us and can't believe we spent our first full night together just us, all night. We did a good job of not talking about Cade (okay, whatev, besides the obligatory "Damn we made a good baby" conversation that we have about once a week. If you're blessed with a good baby, you've got to acknowledge it. They tell you this rule in the parenting books. Be greatful.)
Anyways, we made it through the night at home without him. I woke up from 3:30-5:30 and just couldn't completely sleep. Finally at 7:00 I considered that sleeping in. With the time change it was "really 8:00" in my book, so I wanted to get the man. He had a fun night with Lolli and we had coffee and visited a little and now we're all back at home. The guys are in bed, Izzy and I are blogging then off to take a nap while we can! Hope everyone had a great Halloween! We have candy if you want to come trick or treat.
loves, Dorothy, Scarecrow, Lion & Toto
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
holy stinkfest batman!
So I haven't blogged in a bit, but I honestly have a subject that's been taking over my mind and I haven't thought of a clever yet appropriate way to write about it. So here it is, baby poop. All you future mommies, don't get scared. All you who condemn "bathroom talk", skip this entry.
In our meetings at school we always have to start with celebrations first. Celebrations for my Cade would be that we are officially a solids-eater! Yay! (And by solids I mean the practically liquified Gerber variety...organic of course, bonus points on my mommy score card - whoop!)
We've mastered bananas, apples, sweet potatoes, peaches, green beans, green peas, apples & apricots, pears, and now prunes! We've also mastered our share of variety in baby cereal: rice, brown rice, and oatmeal. I'm so pretty much making up this whole food-introduction process as I go. I can't figure out when Stage 1 ends and Stage 2 begins and how to plan "meals" for him. No clue, but whatev! He's gaining weight and in 75%ile so I must not be a huge f'up, right?
Now comes for the concerns. The diapers. Ohhh, the dirty stinky diapers. Oh, the unholy smells. I had my first gag-reflex to a diaper yesterday. Not only was the stink outrageous, but it looked like um, looked like a giant melted Hershey kiss. I'm sorry, I know it's TMI and my mom will kill me for writing this, but I died when I opened that. And the thing is, I've so always been amazed at how powerful my love is for this sweet angel baby, that I've been --- for 6 months-- thinking my baby's poo don't stink.
I'm ridiculous, I know. I never wanted to be THAT mom, but I always was a bit suprised that I didn't start vomiting at the first #2 diaper from day 1. I've totally been living in poo-oblivion. Hell, I even totally accepted it when the pediatrician told me that brown, yellow, orange, AND green were all acceptable #2 colors. But forget it. The cloud has lifted. It's over. Bye-bye loving mommy filter on poo smells. Hello gag-city.
As I said earlier, I don't know much, but I have learned some BAD combinations of food (and by that I mean unholy diaper-ness):
- Peas & rice cereal
- Oatmeal & green beans (worst of all time bad)
Now I understand I've totally tempted the universe by putting this out there, but I'm certain tomorrow will not be pretty. Tonight was oatmeal, green beans, AND prunes (hey- they kid was hONgry!) Please Lord, let the #2 come at daycare. I pay too much money to not get SOME perks!
Good night baby bowel Gods. Bless me and my Diaper Champ and Lysol. We'll be ready.
In our meetings at school we always have to start with celebrations first. Celebrations for my Cade would be that we are officially a solids-eater! Yay! (And by solids I mean the practically liquified Gerber variety...organic of course, bonus points on my mommy score card - whoop!)
We've mastered bananas, apples, sweet potatoes, peaches, green beans, green peas, apples & apricots, pears, and now prunes! We've also mastered our share of variety in baby cereal: rice, brown rice, and oatmeal. I'm so pretty much making up this whole food-introduction process as I go. I can't figure out when Stage 1 ends and Stage 2 begins and how to plan "meals" for him. No clue, but whatev! He's gaining weight and in 75%ile so I must not be a huge f'up, right?
Now comes for the concerns. The diapers. Ohhh, the dirty stinky diapers. Oh, the unholy smells. I had my first gag-reflex to a diaper yesterday. Not only was the stink outrageous, but it looked like um, looked like a giant melted Hershey kiss. I'm sorry, I know it's TMI and my mom will kill me for writing this, but I died when I opened that. And the thing is, I've so always been amazed at how powerful my love is for this sweet angel baby, that I've been --- for 6 months-- thinking my baby's poo don't stink.
I'm ridiculous, I know. I never wanted to be THAT mom, but I always was a bit suprised that I didn't start vomiting at the first #2 diaper from day 1. I've totally been living in poo-oblivion. Hell, I even totally accepted it when the pediatrician told me that brown, yellow, orange, AND green were all acceptable #2 colors. But forget it. The cloud has lifted. It's over. Bye-bye loving mommy filter on poo smells. Hello gag-city.
As I said earlier, I don't know much, but I have learned some BAD combinations of food (and by that I mean unholy diaper-ness):
- Peas & rice cereal
- Oatmeal & green beans (worst of all time bad)
Now I understand I've totally tempted the universe by putting this out there, but I'm certain tomorrow will not be pretty. Tonight was oatmeal, green beans, AND prunes (hey- they kid was hONgry!) Please Lord, let the #2 come at daycare. I pay too much money to not get SOME perks!
Good night baby bowel Gods. Bless me and my Diaper Champ and Lysol. We'll be ready.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Momma's Punkin in the Pumpkins
I know, Cheesefest 2009 with the title, but I couldn't resist. One of those daydreams I had whilst rubbing my big prego belly was of taking my baby to a pumpkin patch. Something about a sweet butterball baby lounging with big round pumpkins warms my heart like a tall nonfat light whip mocha. (also something I dreamt of whilst prego)
Sunday was the big day. Cade and I loaded up snacks (toasted pumpkin seeds, dried cranberries, dark chocolates, Almond Hershey kiss mix for me; rice cereal and Enfamil for him), grabbed our jackets and picked up Grammie and Grandaddy. We met my aunt, uncle, and cousin at the Arboreteum to hang out for my uncle's 60th birthday (shout out!). It was the perfect day, clear skies, absolutely gorgeous. Strolling around looking at the millions of pumpkins, gorgeous fall foliage, and flowers everywhere was so relaxing. (okay, and exciting to see all the cute kids getting pics taken---haha, and hilarious to see fat brides in rather unfortunate wedding gowns, but I digress)
Cade loved it, he was so attentive to the colors and so loving the pumpkins. He's decided that faux-coughing is a clever means of communication. I'm sure other parents were thinking I was parent o' the year letting my baby cough and choke and sputter, but he was so faking for attention. As soon as you looked at him you got this big grin and if you faux-coughed back at him he'd just do it again and again. (Before you go calling CPS we just had 6 month check up and got clean bill of health, so go get over yourself...oo, I'm nasty tonight!)
Anyhoo, you don't really care to hear more, you want to see the pics, so here goes. Enjoy!
Sunday was the big day. Cade and I loaded up snacks (toasted pumpkin seeds, dried cranberries, dark chocolates, Almond Hershey kiss mix for me; rice cereal and Enfamil for him), grabbed our jackets and picked up Grammie and Grandaddy. We met my aunt, uncle, and cousin at the Arboreteum to hang out for my uncle's 60th birthday (shout out!). It was the perfect day, clear skies, absolutely gorgeous. Strolling around looking at the millions of pumpkins, gorgeous fall foliage, and flowers everywhere was so relaxing. (okay, and exciting to see all the cute kids getting pics taken---haha, and hilarious to see fat brides in rather unfortunate wedding gowns, but I digress)
Cade loved it, he was so attentive to the colors and so loving the pumpkins. He's decided that faux-coughing is a clever means of communication. I'm sure other parents were thinking I was parent o' the year letting my baby cough and choke and sputter, but he was so faking for attention. As soon as you looked at him you got this big grin and if you faux-coughed back at him he'd just do it again and again. (Before you go calling CPS we just had 6 month check up and got clean bill of health, so go get over yourself...oo, I'm nasty tonight!)
Anyhoo, you don't really care to hear more, you want to see the pics, so here goes. Enjoy!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
6 months old pics!
It was only a matter of time... let the birthday boy have his day.
First Food with Taste!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Guilty Horrible Parents
In the midst of figuring out which parent should get the first sleep shift and who gets the second sleep shift, and when said shift switch time should occur, we forgot. We didn't even realize, there was no handy reminder, I had no freaking idea....I missed my baby's six month birthday.
I know! What the hell?! I didn't even know the 7th came and went until I got a text this morning from Nick that said "Did you remember it was Cade's 6 month yesterday?" Um, I felt like shit. I may have cussed in my training. (No worries, it was semi-approp given it was the child restraint training and half of the day I had to pretend to bite/hit/scratch/grab/kick/choke my principal) I wanted to cry, in fact, there were tears but my friendly staffmate was kinda panicked when she saw the ol' eyes start watering and then I felt bad for making her feel bad that I was about to cry. I know, awkward.
So then today I get home for work with Cade, and I try to find the camera. Again, bad bad poor mommy. My regular camera broke, borrowing my mom's camera, can't find my mom's camera. Ugggh! Why why why can nothing be easy? So, I didn't even get a semi-fresh 6 month old pic. I have a quasi-cute pic on my phone of the 6th of the month, and nothing from the 7th, and now nothing of the 8th. Whatev, this is what happens when people don't let you say he's 5 months and they start rounding up his age so then I forget when he actually does have a milestone.
All the other cute mommies have cute pics of their cute babies with cute signs that say how old they are. My baby crunched and ate his 5 month sign. I forgot his 6 month bday. What does this say about me? I'm exhausted. I'm guilty. I missed it and I can't get it back. Damn.
I know! What the hell?! I didn't even know the 7th came and went until I got a text this morning from Nick that said "Did you remember it was Cade's 6 month yesterday?" Um, I felt like shit. I may have cussed in my training. (No worries, it was semi-approp given it was the child restraint training and half of the day I had to pretend to bite/hit/scratch/grab/kick/choke my principal) I wanted to cry, in fact, there were tears but my friendly staffmate was kinda panicked when she saw the ol' eyes start watering and then I felt bad for making her feel bad that I was about to cry. I know, awkward.
So then today I get home for work with Cade, and I try to find the camera. Again, bad bad poor mommy. My regular camera broke, borrowing my mom's camera, can't find my mom's camera. Ugggh! Why why why can nothing be easy? So, I didn't even get a semi-fresh 6 month old pic. I have a quasi-cute pic on my phone of the 6th of the month, and nothing from the 7th, and now nothing of the 8th. Whatev, this is what happens when people don't let you say he's 5 months and they start rounding up his age so then I forget when he actually does have a milestone.
All the other cute mommies have cute pics of their cute babies with cute signs that say how old they are. My baby crunched and ate his 5 month sign. I forgot his 6 month bday. What does this say about me? I'm exhausted. I'm guilty. I missed it and I can't get it back. Damn.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Yo rolio!
We are SO on the verge of something big here. We've been waiting and watching and cheering and the camcorder has been on perma-standby. He puts his head down to the ground, pushes his booty in the air, kicks his feet and pulls with his hands....but yet not enough of a "crawl" to officially announce it.
I've demonstrated last night and that seemed to help quite a bit. Got a little bit of rug burn on the ol' elbows, but it was worth it. Cade tried his best to mimic me, but mostly he laughed and laughed and then tried his hardest. Then slapped the floor with his hands and tried again, he did a couple of creeps....BACKWARDS. Don't think it counts as it was probably accident. Poor kid. He's zero crawls forward, and two creeps back. Ah well, as long as the first crawl doesn't happen first at daycare, right? (now that I've put that out in the universe watch it happen for the teachers I've kind of probably pissed off...if it does they know not to tell me about it, right? They'll play along and let me tell them that he did it first at home...right?)
So today was pretty cool. When I dropped him off at daycare he was on his back, rolio'd to his side, and grabbed his little buddy's arm, and then proceeded to nuzzle his face into this other baby's shoulder. Um, it was kinda presh. I won't lie. Then I realized maybe the teachers don't want him grabbing other babies, so I gave him a toy instead. Good thing, because about 30 seconds later Cade spit up about 3 inches from the kid. It was gross too, a little brownish tint to it due to the Poly-vi-sol (nasty baby vitamin, supposedly "grape" but nothing about it resembles "grape" to me. But what baby is going to sue for false advertising? I'm sure we don't even get to introduce grapes until what, 8 months? 1 year? huh)
Anyways, in things that freak us out, Cade has decided he's now a stomach sleeper. I can't judge for this because I'm all about stomach sleeping, in fact he probably gets it from me. I slept on my stomach while pregnant until my belly made it too uncomfortable. (No, I didn't restrict myself to left side only, go back in the blog and you'll see I find that theory to be bunk) So the kid rolls over totally on his own and then cries in the middle of the night when he is too sleepy to remember how to roll back over.
I will say it's almost the cutest thing in the world the last 2 days when I've gone to get him out of his crib in the morning. He has pushed himself up on his elbows and he just looks around, sees ME and smiles and shakes his head side to side and just grins and coos. I can't stand it. How could any one being be so freaking precious? In. Love.
Will you keep you posted on the creeping/crawling.
I've demonstrated last night and that seemed to help quite a bit. Got a little bit of rug burn on the ol' elbows, but it was worth it. Cade tried his best to mimic me, but mostly he laughed and laughed and then tried his hardest. Then slapped the floor with his hands and tried again, he did a couple of creeps....BACKWARDS. Don't think it counts as it was probably accident. Poor kid. He's zero crawls forward, and two creeps back. Ah well, as long as the first crawl doesn't happen first at daycare, right? (now that I've put that out in the universe watch it happen for the teachers I've kind of probably pissed off...if it does they know not to tell me about it, right? They'll play along and let me tell them that he did it first at home...right?)
So today was pretty cool. When I dropped him off at daycare he was on his back, rolio'd to his side, and grabbed his little buddy's arm, and then proceeded to nuzzle his face into this other baby's shoulder. Um, it was kinda presh. I won't lie. Then I realized maybe the teachers don't want him grabbing other babies, so I gave him a toy instead. Good thing, because about 30 seconds later Cade spit up about 3 inches from the kid. It was gross too, a little brownish tint to it due to the Poly-vi-sol (nasty baby vitamin, supposedly "grape" but nothing about it resembles "grape" to me. But what baby is going to sue for false advertising? I'm sure we don't even get to introduce grapes until what, 8 months? 1 year? huh)
Anyways, in things that freak us out, Cade has decided he's now a stomach sleeper. I can't judge for this because I'm all about stomach sleeping, in fact he probably gets it from me. I slept on my stomach while pregnant until my belly made it too uncomfortable. (No, I didn't restrict myself to left side only, go back in the blog and you'll see I find that theory to be bunk) So the kid rolls over totally on his own and then cries in the middle of the night when he is too sleepy to remember how to roll back over.
I will say it's almost the cutest thing in the world the last 2 days when I've gone to get him out of his crib in the morning. He has pushed himself up on his elbows and he just looks around, sees ME and smiles and shakes his head side to side and just grins and coos. I can't stand it. How could any one being be so freaking precious? In. Love.
Will you keep you posted on the creeping/crawling.
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