Vomit, Poop, and Pee Pee -- oh my!

I can't believe today.

I knew trying to leave the house and go out with my baby was going to be a pain at times, but this was just ridiculous. I'm sure I had some crazy karma coming my way... and today I got it! As I said, we were going out to lunch at my FAVORITE burger place (Twisted Root Burger Co, you MUST get yourself there and order a Fried Ride). So I was eager to take Cade ASAP.

1st-- He had spit up all around the collar of his onesie. I figured "no biggie, a little spit up don't get in the way of me and my burger"

2nd-- As I carried Cade to his car seat he peed through one leg of his diaper and it got on the onesie. Apparently I don't know how to secure a diaper properly after 12 weeks. Awesome. I call my mom and tell her I'm running late, just doing a quick change. I put the cell phone down at the foot of the changing table. Big Mistake #1.

3rd-- I left the new diaper open as I turned for a new onesie. Big Mistake #2. (In my defense, my husband told me penises need a little "air time". I enjoy being the expert on everything, but I do know my place and surrendered penis territory to Daddy.) Cade peed a perfect little piss arc on my cell phone. Um, luckily (?), the pee landed on the screen not the buttons, so my phone works. I don't know pee phone protocol, so I wipeyed it down and then used a rubbing alcohol swipe on it. That seems clean enough. And pee is sterile, I've heard.

4th-- I tempt fate and think "It can't get any worse" so I put Cade in the pirate onesie. It's so freaking cute, it says "Argh", but for some reason he always poops/spits up/etc in it. I clean him up, put him in it, and put him the carrier and BAM! Milky vomit all over the onesie. I couldn't even read the "Argh". So I took him back to his room, cleaned him up AGAIN and we were able to go on our way.

I ate half a burger, curly fries, onion strings, and sweet potato fries (I shared the fried sides with 2 other people, btw). It was bliss followed by an ice cold Twisted Root root beer. ... . . and I deserved it!

The many faces of Cade

It's so funny to see Cade's personality already... I thought we'd have even more waiting after he was born to see what he's like, but these pictures capture a lot of his looks. He can be such a flirt with me, so persistant, engaging, serious, thoughtful, you can see him processing through things which I love! He's curious, he wonders about the world about him, he loves to watch himself in the mirror, he punks me when he lets out a little yelp and then once he has my attention he gives me that shit-eating grin. He likes to start conversations with a grunt, and then he grabs onto my fingers and we talk back and forth, where I imitate his sounds and he smiles. He doesn't even take out his binky, but I don't mind. He's our little man with a little plan!

So yesterday at the mall I was parading him around in the stroller. I haven't quite found the balance of proud mom yet. If someone compliments my fabulously gorgeous baby (okay, I'm the only one who's actually called him that) I either launch into full on conversation OR I don't acknowledge at all. It's like I have some extreme flip where I'm suddenly your best friend or I'm diva mommy who can't be bothered by your papparizzi-esque flattery. Honestly, how obnoxious am I? But if I'm focused on getting my Diet Dr. Pepper refill at Chic-fil-A and trying to summon willpower not to refill my waffle fries as well, then it's really hard to also turn on mega-sweet smile and look deserving of this little doll I'm pushing around.

Also, I hate to admit my flaws, I really do, but I have to confess... I might be getting a little psycho around prego women. I want to tell them how freaking amazing their lives are going to be and yes, get the epidural, and no, maybe you won't be in labor as long as me, and yes, it's so worth it and I'd do it again even though when I was pushing I thought I might just die. Instead as I'm walking around the mall with my badass stroller and badass little baby, I give a smile that I hope is encouraging and knowing. And I keep my distance around the strangers who are prego. I know there's a chance they're jealous that I already have my baby and they haven't met their yet. Oh yes, I remember that feeling. Howev, my prego friends, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't keep my trap shut and my verbal diarrhea is like spoiling Christmas by telling them how miraculous and fabulous their baby will be. It's not cool, I'm aware it's annoying, and...I'm sorry.

Swim Time!

June 28th was our first family swim day! We headed over to Lolli & Papa's house to take Cade for an evening swim. Of course, Izzy had to get in on the action. The pool is above the ground style, and Lolli had put Izzy on the outdoor table so she could see us. Sure enough the dog balanced front legs on the edge of the pool and hind legs on the table and was wagging her tail like crazy.
After some coaxing, she jumped in our arms to join us! She never ceases to amaze us at her mothering instincts, she just HAD to check on Cade (see her on Nick's back?). This was actually Cade's second time in a pool, this time was much more of a success compared to the first time. First time we were with my girlfriends and he slept through the whole experience. Most chill baby ev-er... how the heck did he end up that way?! Now that we've got more head control he enjoyed kicking his feet a bit as we whirled him around the water. Izzy found a perch on the floating lounge chair and it was good family fun. I can't wait to buy him pool toys and play games with him. It's like my childhood part 2! Only better more high-tech toys. I scoped out the selection in Target the other day. I found these little balls that you can dive for, howev-- twist!, you can set them to float at varying heights in the water, super tricky. And goggles are waaay cooler these days. They have some that look like SpiderMan eyes. And I better have a little girl next time, because there are little mermaid barbie things that swim in the pool! Anyways, the best is yet to come! I can't WAIT!

Bye Bye star jammies

Cade has outgrown his star jammies....it's a sad sad day for me. I bought them for $5 at Target for a Christmas gift for Nick. The first jammies I ever bought my baby. We would go into the nursery before he was born and hold them up and giggle at how cute it would be to see a baby in them. The first time we put Cade in the star jammies, we cried and laughed. It's just the cutest thing ever. I can't stand it. Sometimes I have to look away, that's how precious it is.

Cade's also starting to outgrow my favorite outfit, his little polo-style striped navy onesie. Dare I go buy the next size up so I can continue to see him in these cute outfits? I'm not ready to say good-bye to them, it's more than I can handle right now. If it makes me that happy, I should do it, right? Or is that psycho? The little drawer I've started of outgrown clothes is getting full, it almost makes me hyperventilate. I have to shove in the latest too-small outfit and slam it shut before I get a peek of the other clothes that have come to pass.

I might go buy the next size up of these things. As long as he doesn't go to kindergarten in the bigger version of these onesies, that's cool. Right?

Baby Bumps

I can't believe I'm beginning to forget what it felt like to be pregnant. I had some gas or something the other day and it felt kind of like a baby moving, but not quite. It was fun to feel something poking out and seeing it move and roll around, and wonder who it was in there. I can't belive I've had nearly 3 months of blissful stomach sleeping..... (if you don't count nighttime feedings or rock hard breasts full of milk)

Here are my favorite pics. The first one is so lame, but I was still hiding my pregnancy from coworkers at that point. I love how until December I had to majorly arch my back so I could feel really round and prego. By January I didn't so much need to do that. With that much weight and the perfectly rounded basketball-looking belly I probably would have really pissed off my chiropractor had I kept up that pose constantly.

Being pregnant or having a baby? Having my baby to hold in my arms is way better. I told my mom and dad today that I wasn't surprised that I would love Cade more than I had ever imagined..what has surprised me about being a mom is how much he already adores me. He will be falling asleep and if I talk his little eyelids struggle to open and find me. I can talk him and smile him out of being sad. When I find him in the crib on mornings when he's awake and waiting for me to get him, as soon as I go in and talk to him he lights up and everything looks right in his world. Mmmmm, I've been waiting my whole life to be loved like this! It's the most heavenly, delicious feeling in the world.

omg--- parent lifeguards to the rescue

Thank God for baby monitors....Just had our first "Holy shit! My baby's choking and gasping for air!" moment. It all started with a little cough or two, then the unmistakable sound of choking. And the terrifying sound of little baby gasp that makes you, as their parent, want to simultaneaously throw up on yourself and burn down the world to save them.

Nick and I ran to the nursery to get Cade, which totally freaked out the dog who barked at us and ran after us. In my instant replay right now I recall that sprint feeling more like slow-mo Baywatch running, minus red slutsuit and fabulous hair. Really though, is there any speed that is fast enough when you think your child is in danger? Me thinks not.

I grabbed Cade and in an instant was so relieved that his face wasn't purple and that he was starting to sputter out spit/milk. I really hope that I didn't pause and smile at his normal pink color. I threw him up on my shoulder and got a big burp out along with a little more spit-up. He was breathing fine and was pretty calm, okay, maybe mildy upset. At least of the three of us, he won the calm award. (Nick and I being instantly disqualified for holding our breaths up until that point.) I rocked him for an unnecessarily long twelve minutes (he fell right back to sleep, after allowing me to feel like somewhat of a hero as he whimpered and I consoled).

What is wrong with me that I am patting myself on the back for getting CPR certified? (ahem, and AED should you need debfibrillating, heh heh) Why does it feel oh-so-good to be the one to soothe a whimpering baby with hugs and soft words. I'm not so sure that "Shhh, Mommy's here" would be comforting if he realized that I'm new at this gig and am pretty much making it up as I go along.

So, yes I'll head to bed now. I doubt I'll be able to sleep for fear of another choking incident. In fact, bed might very well be a pallet of blankets on the floor by his crib (laminated infant CPR cheat sheet in hand). And I'm sure fate will have it that this kid will sleep 8 hours straight. Nick and I just said earlier tonight, the world could completely go to hell, as long as our baby is healthy and safe we will be happy. I refuse to take that for granted and promise that I thank God and pray for him every night. With that, I'll sign off for the night, so you can go pray for him too.

post-prego fashions

Man, if you asked me 3 months ago if I thought I'd have a HARDER time dressing myself at this point, I would have punched you. Turns out, post-prego fashions are NOT cute, NOT fun, and it's NOT exciting to be able to fit into old clothes. I've learned there is a difference betweeen "fitting in my old non-prego clothes" and "looking acceptable to go into public". Since baby, I've actually looked at myself in the mirror and said "Eh, that's good enough". Who the hell have I become?!! Since when did "good enough" mean an outfit was okay to wear out? In public??

It took me 3 times of wearing the pink dress/black bra combo to realize I look like utter garbage. If you have to convince yourself that your black bra that's peeking out the top of the dress looks like a cami, then you probably shouldn't wear it. [Edit..strike "peeking out" and insert "showing about 2.5 inches above top of dress"] And then you shouldn't find yourself constantly asking friends "Doesn't this look like a cami?"

Hindsight = 20/20. What must they have thought? Ummm...hello Captain Awkward! You're asking us when you're already downtown, 30 minutes from home. What the hell are you going to do if we say "No, bitch, that's CLEARLY a nursing bra?" Seriously, what the hell would you do? Remove the bra and risk milking yourself at your friend's bachelorette?" Ugh, I'm seriously horrified at my lack of judgement.

So I wore the dress out in public for the FINAL TIME (I swear) on a shopping date with my son and mother. I caught the back of myself in the mirror and realized not only does my bra show in the front (this time I thought I was "cool" b/c I looked like I was "layering"), but the f-ing bra shows in the BACK too! Ugggh! Tackola. So I put on my cardi --- my mom was SO grateful, you'd think I'd birthed another grandchild, and luckily that saved the look. I'm shocked she didn't make me buy another outfit as soon as we hit Nordstroms.

I made it home without getting kicked out of Stonebriar for being white trash (again, I tried another excuse "But Carrie Bradshaw shows HER bra!"....then I reminded myself that No, No she didn't show her NURSING bra EV-ER!). I turned to my honey for consolation that evening. My loving husband of 3 years (happy anniversary baby!) told me he wondered why I kept wearing that nightgown out anyways. *grooooan*

All that's left for me to ponder is....

-Why did he let me leave the house in what he thought was a nightgown/bra combo?
-Why do my friends still talk to me after I rocked this look at a bachelorette? A bachelorette! Oh God...I'm so so embarassed.
-Where the hell does one go to find sundresses with straps that are more "lasagna noodle" and less "spaghetti"?

Poor, poor Cade.... his mommy is already embrassing him in public. damn.

great idea! oh.

I had a fleeting brilliant idea today as I was changing Cade. I found myself thinking "Damn, if only I had an adult onesie. That eliminates a lot of stress of picking outfits each day. I mean, you don't have to think 'Is this shirt the right length for this skirt? Are these pants too wide leg for this shirt?' It's one stop dressing. Dressing...Dressing. Dress. Oh yeah, I can just wear a dress."

I guess it's a good thing Cade is getting all my brain cells via nursing. Kid better be smart if he's sucking that much brainpower out of me. Honestly, wtf with me wasting 2 minutes on that train of thought? It seemed like such a great idea as I was thinking it though. But a lot should be said for pants. Now that I think about it, I don't want to see myself walking around in virtually a bodysuit. They made those in the 80's you know. Shit, now that I really think about this more, if we all wore adult onesies that would pretty much be like walking around in leotards all day. Good God.

Baby in D.C.!

Yes, Mommy made sure I wore red, white, and blue all weekend. Presh!

We survived our first travel experience, and sweet baby Cade definitely earned his wings! (Okay, not technically-- guess the economy is so bad that American Airlines couldn't spare a plastic pin for my precious little angel. grr) My grandmother Boppy passed away 5 days after Cade's birth, and we went to Washington D.C. for her funeral at Arlington National Cemetary. (Which was gorgeous by the way, she was buried with my grandfather and it was really comforting and just a perfect service! That's another more private story entirely though...)

The toughest part of the actual travel bit was getting thru security. Thanks to a genius tip from a fellow new mom, I wore Cade in his baby Bjorn (I feel cool each time I say "baby beeee-yorn") and pushed our carry-on bags in the stroller. I was with my parents as Nick had to work. Dad is always a bit of a mess getting thru security with his hearing aides and all the stuff that Dads are required to carry in their pockets (loose change, peppermints, Beano, you know the drill). So Mom and I fended for ourselves and must have looked a hot mess of emotions and trying to play it cool as we like to be Masters of Efficiency at all times. Folding the new stroller I got just for travel purposes (thank you craigslist) was a total bitch. Jingly toys and wheels going in every direction, the smug security bitch just stood with arms crossed over her(?) boobs/pecs and said "It'll fit, just keep turning it". NOT EASY when you're juggling a baby, a bag of breastmilk bottles, and your grandmother's urn!!! Honestly, could they have physically lent a hand or does their help just not extend past vague hints about how to fit a stroller and do or do not you put your grandmother thru the X-ray machine??!! I'm exhausted just remembering it....

Anyhoo, we made it thru and I'm now I'm allowed to brag that my precious little angel baby fell asleep during take-off and landing. To him it was peaceful bliss. To me I was thinking "how shitty it would be if the plane went down and how the F would I save Cade? Oh shit, I forgot to ask if they have extra air masks for lap babies?"

I told you! Sweet little angel slept both flights! Scooore!

It was a total learning experience to travel with a baby though. I learned that yes, you should have used the opportunity to yell back at the hag who loudly admonished (yes, admonished!) me for breast-feeding in a quiet empty corner of a restaurant even though I was fully covered. I learned that bringing a breastfed baby along is a sweet way to score some quiet alone time from family all weekend (even though I adore you guys). I learned that one must practice somber smiles for pictures taken at memorials. I panicked at the Pentagon memorial and ended up with this jackass pic.

I also learned that some new moms are f-ing strange as hell....

So I'm checking out art in the Smithsonian with my baby. Look Cade, it's your first Monet! Cade, this here is called pointalism. Cade, Calder was known for art in the round. Cade, don't look at that nude sculpture! I saw new mom eyeing me. At first I thought it was a crazy competitive stroller Nazi (you know the whole "Is your stroller better than my stroller?") McCrazy asks me "Aw, he's sweet. How old?" Acceptable question/compliment duo, so I obliged and answered back. McCrazy took this as open invitation to ask how long he sleeps, how long he's awake, how playful he is, how many poops a day. It was INSANE! "Hellloooo, I'm here for the art, bitch. Buh-bye!"

We did have good times with the fam, and I felt like a very smart mom taking baby to such educational, cultural, historical places for his very first trip. I made sure to take pics of him at important places, so he can use the pics for school projects (this is me, 8 weeks old at the Ford Theatre...which has an inappropriately modern face-list by the way). He better remember all of it!

Here are some of my fave pics from the trip...


Reading the book Gramma got Cade from National Art Gallery




National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden

(We weren't entirely sure what this sculpture was, so we took a lucky guess)

The Lincoln Memorial,

Touring at Night = Highly Recommended

Grandaddy, Gramma, Uncle Alex, Baby Cade, Mommy, Great Uncle Todd & Great Aunt Paula

8 things...

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To

1. Seeing my bro
2. Mani/Pedi tomorrow
3. Cade's first word
4. Sleeping (without worrying about SIDS)
5. Another episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8
6. Getting my chocolate fix
7. Cade's first pool day
8. Going to California!

8 Things I Did Yesterday
1. Shopped with Sara & McKenzie
2. Food court lunch with Nick
3. Nursed in a dressing room (thanks J Crew)
4. Scored a brand new Chicco stroller (thanks Craigslist!)
5. Yoga
6. Got new collar for Izzy
7. Got a snarky remark in to the Reliant door to door salesman as I closed door in his face (hahaha)
8. Read Goodnight Moon and rocked Cade to sleep

8 Things I Wish I Could Do
1. Hang out with Jon
2. Fix Kate's hair
3. Remodel my kitchen
4. Have a spa day somewhere really nice
5. Go back to Australia
6. Take a hot air balloon ride
7. Lose last 10 pounds of baby weight
8. Have a month's worth of breastmilk stocked up

8 Shows I Watch
1. Survivor
2. Project Runway
3. Jon and Kate Plus 8 (what the hell with this already?)
4. The Hills
5. Bachelorette
6. Inhale
7. Grey's Anatomy
8. Private Practice (holy cliffhanger, Batman!)