sick of it.

I'm totally pissed today. I need the world to be rid of pregnancy liars, rumors, and other helpful advice on how not to jack up my unborn child. I have lost sleep for the last two weeks thanks to the people who have told me to beware the dangers of sleeping on your back and the only "correct" way to sleep whilst with child is on your left side. Well guess what? My dr and I call bullshit on you.

My revelation happened as I held back tears, fought off a hot flash from nerves, and asked my dr why it's bad to sleep on my back and just what specific degree angle I must stack my pillows to achieve a safe sleep angle. He assured me that as long as I feel comfortable, I will not be cutting off the supply of oxygen to my baby's forming brain and vital organs. Nor will I be flattening my uterus and suffocating my baby. Turns out God and Mother Nature built the human body with reflexes that will signal to my brain should I ever be in a position that should I dare stay in it for an extended period of time might in rare instances harm my baby. These reflexes are discomfort, nausea, feeling hot, and the need to move around. I think I will trust our Creator and no longer believe "helpful" warnings from friends, strangers, and Dr Google.

Moral of the story, pregnancy liars need to back up off it. What are you going to say to me if my child is less than perfect? You seriously going to tell a mother whose child is not the picture of perfect health and development "I told you so"? What environmental factors (besides heroin, crack, snorting paint, etc) are you going to pinpoint as the cause of whatever could possibly be THE cause of whatever could go wrong? I don't think I can really believe that eating a cold turkey sandwich once every one or two weeks, getting highlights once during pregnancy, or sleeping at a 180 degree angle is going to be THE thing that screws up nature's plan. There's a degree of risk in everything we do and don't do. My dr says that I can't live in a bubble. It would be impossible to do everything perfectly, and as one of the biggest perfectionists out there, it's hard enough to be pregnant without constantly judging myself.

I do take being pregnant seriously and have changed my lifestyle to be healthier. I'm not perfect, but overall I'm having fun being pregnant. So MY helpful advice is to be encouraging of pregnant women and not pass along your horrific pregnancy rumors that can literally scare a pregnant woman into lack of sleep, lack of food, and lack of sanity. For reals, the horomones do a good enough job of making us crazy. Let the prego in your life enjoy this time and focus on 40 weeks of high hopes and happiness and excitement.

The best present is yet to come!

Baby Cade. Due April 1st, 2009

Santa baby!

*sap alert, I can't help it, I need to gush....*

Christmas was so awesome this year. Since Nick & I have been married we have had the most fun Christmases ever. We start the day at his parents' house (eat & open presents), head over to my parents' house (eat & open presents), and come back home (eat & open presents). It's the best day ev-er, especially when you factor in our baby excitement that doubled with it being a holiday. There's no room for anxiety, fear, or complaints on feeling like a fat awkward pregnant cow. Not yesterday. Yesterday I fell even more head over heels for Nick.

He had wrapped up baby gifts for me to open at each house. First he bought Cade a little Aggie warm-up suit, size 2T. It's so awesome, he's going to be the most pimp little Aggie fan! Here I was expecting to see the dreaded camoflauge Husker onesie, and I get the cutest Aggie outfit! He got him a baseball mitt, ball, Aggie onesie, Aggie newborn knit cap, 2 bibs and Aggie football. Our kid is so going to be brainwashed, it's starting in utero! I got Cade a baby memory book (I can't WAIT to start filling it out!), crib bedding, a litttle newborn cap with little lambies on it, and the cutest little star baby pj's with footies. Yeah.... he's a spoiled brat and he's only a 26 week old fetus! What are we?!!

Anyways, to see Nick open the baby presents and to just keep hugging and kissing each other and being so excited for next Christmas was so special. This kid is so loved already! When he's mad at me when he's older, he needs to read this and realize how we loved him even before day 1. Nick is at his parents' house right now showing off the star pj's he liked them so much. (I never thought I'd see my man be so sweet!) Imagine when Cade takes his first steps or says his first word how excited we'll be. Life is totally changing for us and I'm so excited that I get to relive childhood with our boy. I'm off to think about other things (until I get a kick:) Gush fest has to end sometime... even I have my limits.

evil

I've SO been sleeping awesome lately. I'm contemplating falling in love with acupucture, I swear it saved me from insomnia. Who knew my ticket to sleep heaven was spending 20 minutes with one needle in the top of each foot?

So with all this deep sleeping I thought life was GREAT. That was until 1:45am when I awoke with a nagging pain that rapidly turned into the charley horse from hell. I imagine the pain I felt was akin to getting stabbed in the calf with a butcher knife. I know, childbirth will be worse. Thanks. But I plan on getting an epidural for that. No class, now's not the time to tell me that epidurals don't always work.

I try not to be a total wimp with my pain, but when the knife stabbing sensation was joined by the fire and paralyzing sensations I decided to start moaning "ow, ow, ow, OW OUCH!". Nick wakes up in a panic, throws on the light and shouts "Is the baby coming?!" I'm panting and holding my right leg straight in the air practically touching my nose like an f'ing Rockette and I manage to scream "calf!" Somebody must have been having one hell of a dream because he was like, "Baby cow?? Oh, CALF!" And massaged the hell out of my leg and flexed my foot for me until I was saved from the devil's grasp.

I've never loved someone so much in my life. Also never wondered how strange his reactions were, but thankful nonetheless for the speed in which he progressed from utter panic to confusion to massage master.

I'm assured this won't be the last of the charley horse during the pregnancy. On another note I've learned from Dr. Google that at 25 weeks the baby is growing hair and could you be in my uterus you could tell what color it is. Pretty sweet, huh? Anyone know Mrs. Frizzle and want to check that out for me? (btw, thanks to the teacher friends who get the reference)

The charley horse wins top spot as #1 evil of pregnancy. #2 evil would be surviving elementary school "winter" parties knowing that you won't be rewarded with an ice cold beer or shots of whatev at the annual end of semester happy hour. Instead you gotta cozy up to an ice cold glass of Carnation Instant Breakfast.

grrrr...horomones!

Welcome to my third trimester... or should I say, make a run for it! Save yourself!

I always said I didn't want to know the kind of crazy being pregnant would make me. The first 22 weeks of being pregnant, however, I was AMAZED at how cool I was. Seriously! You are the only person who can truly know the depths of your own psychosis, right? Well, I was pretty damn impressed with myself at how laid back, sweet, glowy, maternal I was feeling. (some of you are laughing... but in my memory I'll just let that description remain)

Anyways, last week it's like I woke up crashing into a brick wall. One day, cool. Next day, basketcase. My emotions are so all over the place I can't even define them accurately, they change so quickly! Yesterday I was spirited, loving, frustrated, angry, depressed, mellow, panicked, pouty, remniscent, horny, whiny, and finally (as it most days) exhausted. What is that? Who should have to live a day like that?

Things that currently trigger crazy:

• The Ferrero Rocher commercial. An otherwise tolerable holiday commercial until they cut the Christmas carol short, as in mid-verse. This triggers angry Hilary.
• Interruptions at work that require me to immediately switch my focus. Getting deep in thought and "in the zone" is something I LOVE. I LOVE feeling super-focused. Thanks for interrupting my productivity, beatch. Now you have to deal with bitchy, whiny Hilary.
• Driving to work. For whatev reason when I get about halfway to school I think of Nick and how much I love him and need to tell him RIGHT NOW just how much I can't live without him and how grateful I am for his love. I'm sure he thought this was sweet and cute the first time he got a 6:50am phone call, but I think he's prob over it now. Especially when this moment hits and there's a song on the radio that makes me more emotional, aka, teary and choked up -- wow. kinda crazyyy!

So Nick can tell that it's not me, it's just the pregnancy, and God bless him for that. He describes it best by saying that Cade is sitting on a horomone. I imagine myself sitting in the middle of the ocean on a surfboard, subject to whatever emotions the tide brings in today. I have to just ride out each wave and hope to catch a better horomone on the next wave.

dangerous!

Wow, I thought a big sneeze was dangerous when you're driving on the highway (it still is, but stay with me here).... when you're pregnant you feel like your baby will fly out your belly button when you sneeze big. it just happened tonight. i literally had to lift up my shirt to check out the belly.

Random rants:
1. Yes, I'm pregnant. No, I don't think I'm literally getting bigger EACH day. I'm running out of sweet pregnant lady comments when someone says "Aw, you're bigger!" Just saying thanks seems a little, uh vain. Like "thanks, me cook good baby". The other 27 years of my life getting bigger has not been a compliment or situation people commented on, so I'm un-equipped to respond to this.

2. Sometimes at work I want to walk the hall and rub my belly and talk to Cade. Is that strange? I know there's video cameras, but I still feel compelled. I will be mortified if someone ever catches me doing this.

3. My chiropractor taught me an accupressure point to sleep better. Now if only my husband would get home so I can have him press 1 inch from the web between my big toe and second toe. Hopefully this works better than Tylenol PM (rip off), and is less habit forming than NyQuil (if NyQuil was a sexy man, I'd be having an affair).

4. Corn dogs. Dangerous or no, I love you. Your honey batter. The fact that you come on a stick and I can repeatedly dunk you in ketchup. Mmmm.

5. Raw cookie dough and batter. It's NOT FAIR that one has to be pregnant and avoid these due to raw eggs. NOT FAIR. I still have one lick because I have absolutely no resistance or self control whatsoever. Never ever touched or wanted to try drugs/marijuana/X/Heroin/crack/meth, but have no restraint when it comes to the temptation of cookie dough.