Friday, September 14, 2012

wtf, Pinterest?!

Before you hate me and walk off, stay with me for a minute. I love Pinterest. Too much. I seriously adore it. But of course with every rose comes a few thorns, amiright?  Okay, you're still not with me. Give me one more second of your time. Do you truly think everything on Pinterest is a good idea? Are you a Pinaholic who will put anything and everything on your boards, regardless of whether you'd actually ever make or do it yourself?  You need an intervention. I'm here to give it to you.

Bad ideas on Pinterest.
#1. The flip flop hanger. Who is actually going to hang up your flops at the end of the day? Why do this?  Is there not a shelf or rack you can flop them on. For God's sake people, do you find no joy in flicking your foot and having your flops flip right into the closet?
Flip Flop Hanger
No, I'm not going ot install a rod at the bottom of my closet. No I'm not going to fashion cute little hangers for my flops, complete with swirly ends and fabric neckware. What is that? NO!

#2. Spaghetti hot dog nastiness.
Hot Dog Spaghetti
In whose world is this appetizing? Okay, maybe your one year old's... but it doesn't have to become their favorite food. Restrain yourself. Make a PB&J. I'd rather see a fancy bento box that took you 40 minutes to make than this monstrosity of culinary fails. What momma has time to shove spaghetti into raw hotdogs? Does that even work? The sensory of that just creeps me out. My personal tactile nightmare. omg.... It looks so digusting after it's been cooked too. The only reason your kid would eat this is because he's worried what his psychopath momma is gonna do next. In fact, he's sending his resume to Honey Boo Boo's momma. Excuse me, maybe it's not so bad.......Oh, but it is. It is bad, and thanks for the million versions of re-pinning this loser idea. So  not only did you actually cook this, but you reblogged it as your own idea. Oh yeah, you added ketchup. That's great. That's just great. Spaghetti in ketchup. Looks like a bloody nightmare. I just can't. Don't tell me it's just like marinara. What kid doesn't like a regular plate of sketti or a good ol' fashion dog grilled right? Please, serve these "centipedes" at your dinner party and let's tell each other some cool puns.

#3.  Lame comments on your pins. When I repin your deal, I don't want to have to delete your lame-o phrases such as "I'll be glad I pinned this later!"  or "Pin now, read later"  Um, thanks for the tips Miss Helpful. What would I do without you?!  You mean, I can pin it now...without reading the link...then go back...and read it later? You revolutionary, you.

#4 Pics of animals with not-so-clever puns.
cover squirrel
This little guy got 108 likes and 498 repins. Really? You  need to repin that to enjoy later. I hate to be your coworker... "Hey Cindy, you've got to come check this out!" So you rush over thinking there's something worthy of interrupting your workload. And on their little iPhone they proudly show you this little gem. Um... thanks? You muster a half smirk. They look at you like you're all crazy. "Don't you get it? Cover Squirrel? Like Cover Girl!"  Oh yeah, you're right, Betty. I'm the crazy one!

#5 Workout "motivation".
This is going to motivate me to buy a better bra. Or get a boob job. Or get a manicure and forget my pants.  I despise teeny tiny bodies giving me workout wisdom.  There are ton of links to really great health and fitness sites that have helped me out so much. I'm seriously only bugged by these random pics with workout tips.  I'm certain this chick is not known at the "fit friend".  The tanning bed junkie with a breast infection, maybe.

There are so many more on Pinterest....I'm tempted to create a board dedicated just to the bad ideas of Pinterest. I wonder if the makers of Pinterest ever get totally pissed. I'm certain at their work happy hours they sit around looking at these Pins and saying to each other, "This is NOT what we created this site for!! We are not better than Facebook because of this!"  And debating on whether they find a away to cancel all the lame pins or promote free speech.

At least that's what they do in my head....
Night bloggies.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Clowing Around

The final family date of summer vacation was our August trip to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus at the American Airlines Center.  Nick and I have dreamed about taking our kids to the circus forever. Finally they were just barely old enough to enjoy it, and hopefully have a few memories.  (The way we figure, you gotta build up all those great memories when they're young, so when they're older you can use all the fun times o' yore as ammo against any potential teenage disrespect...or something like that.)

Momma Tip:  Get to the circus early so you can take the kids down on the floor and see the performers and animals up close and personal. No worries, they're not letting you pet the tigers or anything crazy, but you do get to get autographs, take pics with performers, and see how they do it up close. They even set out costumes for you to try on! So freaking fun (once you get past the germy part of it).

Devyn and Cade kept holding hands throughout the day. Momma's heart was melted.
Cade humored me and put on the ginormous capes.

There was a whole bunch of lights out and glow in the dark action. The kids were totally mesmerized.

As a Momma I was freaking the hell out when the tightrope gang got up and did their thang. #1 So dangerous! #2 WTF with the costumes #3 The shoes! The lady tightrope walker even changed shoes atop the teeny tiny perch. That was probably the scariest moment for me. I prayed so hard that they wouldn't fall to their death for their safety.

My favorite part (and Cade's) was the huge tigers.  I'm really hoping that I don't have to Google PETA's take on circus animals, because that would totally ruin the magic of the tiger tamer.  These animals are just huge and majestic and so insanely beautiful.  Whenever I see a gorgeous creature it just reaffirms my faith in God. How else would this amazing animal exist? I love them. Thank you, God, for tigers. Seriously.

And in my head for a moment there, that was Harry from Sex and the City. Am I right? That would have been a killer storyline. I can see Charlotte all dressed up at the circus and finding his tight lawyer by day, tiger tamer by night totally hot.  But then I zoomed in on the spandex and thought, eh, nevahmind.

Those wacky tightrope kids at it again. Who the hell is this chick with her mega hair extension ponytail? And why does she think sitting on a chair on a pole suspended on two men's shoulds who happen to be riding bicycles ON A TIGHTROPE is a good idea?   Show me the paycheck. There is no way homegirl is getting paid enough. I bet she's thinking "Who do I gotta screw around here to be a clown?" ha.

And then, these two clowns.

Why does Daddy get all the credit for this princess? The eyes, their perfect little noses, the hair, the little ears. It's all him.  I love the way she loves him too. I  must video him coming home for you, bloggies. It's adorbs.

So Momma's review:

Cost: pricey depending on where you sit
Ages: I'd say ages 3 and up. Devyn being a new walker and cruising around the seats was just too much.
Food: Not as awesome as you'd like to think. That didn't stop us from gorging on chicken tenders, popcorn (bleh and you know how I LOOVE me some pah-kern). Cotton candy = deelish!
Fun quota: Pretty dang fun. I think the kids could be older for me to give it a full "OMG that was AWESOME!" For the 3 year old and 1 year old I was just a bit exhausted. It's a looong day if you get there early for good parking, the preshow, and stay the whole way through.
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Sunday, September 9, 2012

Baby Clones, take 2

More evidence of clone babies.  My in-laws sent me their link to their online photo gallery and I was comparing the summer of 2010 vs the summer of 2012. I found more evidence of clone babies.

This is Cade at his first birthday party.

This is Devyn at her first birthday party.

This pic is from the summer Cade turned 1.

This pic is from the summer Devyn turned 1.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Crazy for CooCoo's

This summer was so freaking hot, it eventually got to a point where even I (pool-lover-maniac) had to take a step back and think about some new places to take the kids that were A. Indoors B. Not crazy packed with wild "big kids" C. Cool for toddlers and preschoolers.  I'd only  heard a few people mention CooCoos, an indoor play area near Willow Bend Mall in Plano.  I'd done JumpStreet, so I just assumed CooCoos would be a jam-packed madhouse a la Jumpstreet during Spring Break 2012. (NOT a good idea for a nursing baby and 2 year old!)

 Another momma and I decided to give it a try. If it sucked we'd still reward ourselves with a yummy lunch at my FAVE burger joint, Smashburger. (Seriously, if you haven't been it's so your loss! I consider myself a burger connoiseur and this is my fave-o-rite!)

As soon you walk in you're in a jungle. There is even a robotic parrot welcoming you inside. Kind of creepy, but whatevs.  There were maybe 10-12 inflatables for the kids to run and jump on, a mini-train, a robotic panda, and some games a la Chuck E Cheese.

So, confession.... I think I have Mommy ADHD.  The lights, the fun party music, all the colors. It was so much to pay attention to! Keeping an eye on all four kids was killing me. I had just come down from the shittiest of weeks. Excuse my language. It was just terrible though! My car battery died as I was on the way to a play date, my cell phone died, our home re-fi was driving me crazy. Everything was going wrong. I was just in one of those funky moods where all I could think about was "Everything that could go wrong, HAS gone wrong. I can NOT let these children out of my sight lest they get kidnapped."   I'm a freak.

So I found myself convincing Cade to join Devyn and I in an inflatable obstacle course and sure enough, the little bastard managed to find his way through the (rather tricky) maze and get out ahead of us. I was struggling to carry a not-yet-walking Devyn through the obstacle course, through a tunnel made for 30 lb bodies and down a slide. I saw Cade running to another inflatable. I may have been having a panic attack. I made it my mission to be Psycho Momma the rest of the time and INSIST that the kids all play on the same inflatable. The place is so cool, but so damn ginormous (in my head even more so) that I just didn't feel safe letting him run out of my sight.

Oh, and first I was so impressed by the cool dads who were there with their kids sans wifeys. Until cool dad's kid started tackling my kid and pushing my kid around the inflatable soccer deal. Um, hello, A-hole, when mommas start crawling in to rescue their children it's probably time to grab your little bully and give him a little man-to-man chat. Capiche?!

Anyways, the kids had a blast and were so tired. I had to wake them for lunch at Smashburger. What? Momma needs her sweet potato fries and Diet Dr. Pepper!!!

Ages: 1-12 would have a great time here. The average ages were 2-6.
Cost: $7 per kid. They try to charge you for your under 2 year olds, but I was all like "Uh, she doesn't walk? Do I have to pay?  She'll prob just hang out in this here stroller and eat Cheerios?" And the teenager working the front desk was all like, "Sure". 
Pros: So much to do here! The games were reasonable, you have to buy tokens but $2 was plenty to entertain our 4 kiddos. The inflatables were so varied the kids never got bored. There is one massage chair in the center of the place that totally made me laugh. Like which one mom would pop some coins in and lounge in the massage chair?  Sounds tempting, but nobody took the bait. I so wish someone did though.
Cons: Size and safety. I wish they'd had staff patrolling the different areas to keep an eye on the kids. Not every parent was following their child from inflatable to inflatable to make sure they wouldn't get pushed around, hurt, or lost. I also wish there was some sort of system where they could gate the main area from the lobby and have someone making sure that kids were leaving with the right adults.  It's so big I just think that they need to think about safety.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

No Chocy Milk at Bedtime...

Sometimes as a Momma, you have to find a way to prove your point. You have to really get down on your child's level and TEACH them about life. It's the best thing ever when you teach them something new. I get so damn proud of myself. Howevs, it's not always easy. You want your kid to just take your word for things "because Mommy said so".  I haven't found that my three  year old responds to that kind of logic. For example, my beef o' the summer -- trying to break Cade of the habit of him  insisting on having juice (watered down V8 Fusion y'all!) or chocolate milk (Vitamin D milk topped off with Silk Dark Chocolate Almond Milk) in his cup when he goes to bed. Anything but water in the cup drives me freaking nuts, but he tricks Daddy into giving him some juice or milk. And yeah, sometimes I'm too lazy to fight it so I sneak some in his cup just so he'll go to bed.

First step:  I had lots of conversations with Cade about brushing his teeth, even making up songs about keeping them white and clean. (To the tune of Row, Row, Row Your Boat "brush, brush, brush your teeth keep them nice and clean. Always brush those germs away if you know what I mean".  (weak songwriting skills, right?)  Fail. He knows he should brush, but he didn't understand that what he eats and drinks can make his teeth yucky. All he's ever known are precious little pearly whites. So I had to prove it.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. No?  So I enlisted the help of good ol' Google Images. I just typed in "rotten teeth" and got thousands of pics to show my son what happens to little boys who drink chocolate milk at bedtime.

Here are a few highlights, in case you are curious.

So at this point as he scrolls through my iPad's Google results, I'm ho.rri.fied. I gag, I run my tongue over my own teeth to make sure my own are in order, and I nearly vom everywhere. I've never seen so much foulness in one place. When I was done swallowing down a mouthful of bile, I remembered to check for my kid's reaction.

My three year old was FASCINATED. I've never seen him go speechless. His face contorted into the perfect picture of utter disgust. Mission accomplished!  I quickly shut it off, and fearing bad mommy karma, night terrors, and what if my iPad breaks and these nasty pics get burned permanently onto the screen... I dunno, I panicked. I shut it down.

I came to my senses, mentally kicked myself, then realized it was Damage Control Time.  I had to find something more positive to leave as his last memory of the lesson.  I hopped on YouTube and found Elmo singing a brush your teeth song.  Much, much better. Redemption. Please God, let me be redeemed. I'm certain Purgatory is being trapped by those rotten teeth people dancing to  Godsmack. Ugh.

So, did this lesson work? Absolutely.
Did anyone have nightmares? Miraculously? No! *knocking on wood so I don't have creeptastic nightmares myself tonight*

Go ahead and cast your vote for me for Mom Of the Year.
In hindsight, wtf was I thinking?  Howevs, my regrets are short lived because homeboy now INSISTS on water in his nightly sippy and corrects Daddy when he forgets. (hehe, bonus!)

Anyone had any similar Winners of Mommy Lessons? I'd love to hear them!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Fire Station fun!

This summer one of the top playdates was a trip with Cade's preschool buddies to the Frisco Fire  Safety Town.  I give this outing a full five stars!  I've passed it a few times on the way to eat at Babe's.  I am so glad that we went and I can't wait to go again.  We took a crew of  1-7 year olds and I think every kid had a great time. Cade insisted on bringing his fireman hat to wear, which was a solid choice in my opinion!  When we first arrived they let us take pictures with the kids all lined up on the end of the firetruck. We snapped and snapped away, it was tres adorable!

 Half of the property is the Fire School where they have lessons and field trips for school groups, the other half appears to be an actual working fire station.  One of the kind firemen led us on a tour.  He led the kids down the first hall and Cade was right in front, ready to ask some questions. On the wall was a photo mural of firemen eating dinner at the firehouse. In the middle of the fireman's shpiel Cade raises his hand to answer a question. I was so proud. Until he opened his mouth. "My Lolli and Papa bring me limes to my house."  Um, holy randomness, Batman! wth, son?!  The fireman noticed that Cade had spotted limes in the mural and so-sweetly acknowledged him then finished his little chat.  Thank you, Sir!

The next room had a real fire truck that was buried in the floor so the kids could climb in on their own and not be up quite so high. Genius!  They had so much fun exploring in the fire truck, buckling themselves in the jump seats and pretending to drive and use the little radio. Devyn found the shiny bell, which was right up her girly little alley.  Looking back at these pics from early June where she had just one top tooth I can't believe how busy she was this summer growing 3 more in just a month and a half!
They had a whole wall of fire tools that the fireman showed the kids. They kind of got it, only be 2 and 3 years old, but they did a sweet job of paying attention.  They all looked super sweet trying on the fireman boots.  I'm so glad Cade won't be that big for years. I'm NOT looking forward to the sweaty teenage years.

The fireman also took the kids to a room where there was a simulation of a tornado.  They had flat screen tv's in the place of windows and a fake newscast on the tv in the "living room" that was announcing an impending storm. The picture on the windows got darker and looked stormy. Then the surround sound made a lot of thunder and the lights flickered if I remember right. The kids did pretty well. Not the best group of little students I've ever seen, but I was impressed for what they did pay attention to!  They even got to go "upstairs" in the house and there was a roof where older kids could practice climbing out on the roof to get to safety.

The best part was getting to go outside. They have an actual kid-sized town with a mini church, bank, streets, and traffic lights. The kids had fun running around pretending to be cars and following stop signs and waiting for green lights. It was so adorable! They had so much fun! I totally loved getting to chat in the shade with the other mommas while the kids ran around Safety Town (which is safely gated off from real traffic and completely on its own property. The doors to the buildings were all locked, so the kids just ran from building to building..... or crawled!)
Ages: 9 months - 10 years
Cost: Free
Pros: Free, great for older and younger siblings, every kid loves firefighters and the staff at Frisco Fire Safety Town were very sweet and accommodating, they had provided water outside for the children to drink out of paper cups (super cool if you're 3 years old!)
Additional tips: During the summer they have fun Friday nights where kids can bring their bikes to ride around the play "streets".  They also do trick-or-treating in the Safety Town in October.
Cons: I can't think of any. We truly had an awesome time! Just pack smart, bring snacks for your younger children. There are lots of dining options closeby, so if you schedule a morning tour you can hit up a kid-friendly restaraunt for lunch afterwards.

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